Revenge Guy's "Tips For Better Living"
The Revenge Guy isn't all that old. And he isn't all that world-weary
either. But he has been around. Eating in restaurants, watching movies
in theatres, traveling on buses and planes and in cars.
Such experiences are important to be shared. So here are "The Revenge
Guy's Tips For Better Living". You're welcome in advance.
Going To The Movies
Take with you two signs that say "Wet seat, sorry for the
inconvenience" and tape them to the seats in front of you. Then sit
back and enjoy.
Take a flashlight with you. If you're late to the film shine your
flashlight at the people whose seats you'd like and tell them that
the management needs to talk with them. They'll think you're an
usher and you'll get their seats. Then just sit down.
Taking A Long Trip
It's important to have your space on bus trips. Sitting beside
some freak isn't all that great when you're on the ride for several
hours, if not days. Be sure you have some foamy shaving cream and
spray it on the seat beside you. Aisle or window, whatever seat is
beside you spray it conservatively on the seat and head cushion. The
shaving cream won't stain or smell bad but it will keep the weirdos
Getting Along With The Neighbors
Always bring a box of candy to your neighbors on Christmas (or
Chanukah if that's what you celebrate) with a card with your name,
address and phone number on it. Not only will you become the
friendly person/family, despite all the bad things you do all year,
but you'll help them help you with watching your home, protecting
your family and maybe even thinking better of you.
Do you have suggestions for living a better life and would like
to see them published here? Contact RG right