The Revenge GuyYou Can't Choose Your Family and You Can't
Choose Your Neighbors: More Revenge Advice From
The Revenge Guy

Just like family, you don't get to pick your neighbors!

And just like family they often don't give a crap about you… but
once they've crossed that line from allowing you the peaceful enjoyment
of your own paid-for property… well, let's just say they deserve
what's coming, right?

My Neighbor's Trees


I got this neighbor who owns trees that branch out passed the
sidewalk where cars park.

This morning I found him ordering his hired help to cut down the
branches and they ended up falling on my car.

I'm not talking about twigs here, they were big enough to make a
loud crashing, twisting sound when they were coming down. After it
happened he noticed I saw it and acted really friendly in a fake way
asking how I was doing and the usual bull shit while his hired help
brushed off the branches from my car.

How do I get even with him. I want to thai kick him in the face but
I know you can help me find a better way to get revenge.
Dave in MN

Revenge JokerHi

That type of event is why the Revenge Guy has his cell phone with
him at all times. It's the type that takes pictures, video and voice

I am ready to get evidence of anything that happens to me and my
Did he scratch your car's paint job? Any dings? And why didn't you
ream him out right away?

If you know the company name of his hired help, I'd send them a
letter claiming damages. Detail what happened. They'll have to call
him and make him sweat it out thinking there may be a small claims
lawsuit coming his way.

Now then, what I'd do is start buying containers of molasses.
Molasses spread onto wax paper or poured into small plastic baggies
(with small holes put into them once placed) and hung in trees,
hidden under porches, stuck under cars, wherever there is a great
hiding place, makes a heck of a nuisance attracting all kinds of
bugs for him to deal with… give him some real worries.

If that's too hard for you to do, maybe just throw some granular
fertilizer over onto his yard every night for about 2 weeks. The
over-fertilization will burn his grass and he'll be flummoxed as to
how it happened. Maybe he'll blame the hired help again.

Best wishes,

Revenge Guy,

I just found your site today after my rude
awakening, by the animals that I am forced to call neighbors, this

A little back story:
Since we moved in 3 years ago, the neighbor "above" us on the hill has
given us problem after problem. With no retaliation from us whatsoever.

I am sick and tired of doing things
"properly", for them just to spit in our faces and think up some new way
to dirty the place up. The summer after we moved in, they started
draining their kiddie pool into our yard. Not only were they eroding
away the fragile hill between our two homes, but we then had to deal
with bugs, mold, stagnant water, etc. My husband tried to talk to them
the first time this happened. They refused to answer the door, so we
called their landlord. He said he would take care of it.

As the months went on they began to drain
their pool DAILY (!!! water wasters!!!) while we were at work. Back and
forth all summer.

The next year, the same thing. So I called
local code enforcement. "Nothing can be done, you’ll have to file a
civil suit." At this point, they are draining their washing machine onto
our hill, and into our yard! In addition, their trash falls into our
yard on a daily basis, and our nice normal neighbor has had to take care
of this crappy neighbor’s "feral cat" issue.

Fast forward to today: Saturday morning.

Husband went to work early, and I am in
bed with the dogs. All of a sudden, a loud bang on the roof. The dogs
start barking, so I know something’s up. As I try to collect myself from
just being waken up to abruptly, I walk out the front door to the side
of the house where I heard the bang. There were what looked like large
drops of water on the concrete all around my car. Weird… Then I see an
open water bottle, and go to see what’s inside. I should have known.
When I picked the bottle up, it was warm. And that was when I realized
what I should have known all along. It was pee. WTF?!?!?! PEE?!?!?!?!

I called the cops. He visited them, and after 10 minutes of tying to get
them to answer the door, speaks with the mother (I use the term
loosely). She knows nothing of any pee (convenient lie), and claims she
just wants "all this to stop".

Uh…okay lady. I’ll stop…uh…playing nice with you ‘ cause you
obviously have no sense of common decency!!

Her landlord let it be known to us that he
doesn’t want to evict them, because he gets money from the government
(Section 8?) to keep them there.

What do I do!?!?!?!

I don’t want to take it out on the kids
(even though they are incredible brats…all 20 of them!), because this
ghetto bitch is obviously not doing her job as a mother…but what do I
do??? Help!!!

Revenge Joker

Hi Sharon,
First off, create a water diversion to drain the water
off the edge of your property.

Take pictures of the damage that now exists, how the water is ruining
your landscape and threaten a lawsuit against their landlord. That will
get his attention better than just you calling him up and complaining. A
nice letter from a lawyer should move things along nicely.

Keep a journal of all the things that have happened and will happen.
You’ll need this as evidence if you end up in court or there are more
calls to the police.

Get the names and numbers of these
idiot neighbors… if they are on Social Assistance then they will be
money hungry, you can use to get them out of the house
supposedly to pick up a cash prize at a local radio station… You can
also use to call them and give them other things to
worry about, once you find out more about these people you’ll know what
buttons to push.

And call the SPCA about the cat wandering around… maybe a trap?
Or better yet, throw some dry cat food into their yard, get all the cats
in the neighborhood into their yard and let your dogs loose.

I hope this helps:
Records of everything;
Pictures and video and voice recordings when possible; phone calls when you know what will get them out of the

Small efforts of revenge against their cat and yard….
And whatever else will not be pointed back at you but will help to exact
your revenge.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,

I have a neurotic pregnant lady next door that
says my dog barks all day and it doesn’t and the city won’t check
into it so I am going to be inconvenienced because the city will not
come out here and listen to confirm it.

All they have to do
is turn in complaints without substantiation and I will have to go
to court to prove otherwise.

Not fair.

I have had the dog
for ten years, have left a recorder outside etc., to make sure that
he isn’t barking when I’m out.

How can I cause
some discomfort and discord in their household?

My wife passed away
a few years ago and this was her dog. It’s an important pet to my
son. They have a dog that runs over and barks at me and I don’t
complain. I am a good neighbor.

Hell, I am a
homeland security guy trying to take care of all you oblivious
assholes to what’s really going on. I pay taxes, volunteer and have
been a good citizen.

I want to have some
fun and cause a little discomfort. Any suggestions? Bad porn in the
mail to his neighbors with his name on it or what?

Revenge JokerHi,
Being a good neighbor doesn’t mean that you have to put up with the
bad ones. And since she’s got you going to court it’s time to play
on their level.

First off: keep recording your dog. You need hours and hours, and
days and days of recordings to verify that it isn’t your dog making
all the noise.

Secondly, also get
video of her dog coming to your house and making noise, digging,
snooping around, whatever it does. Most places have bylaws against
letting dogs run loose and without a leash on so turn the courts
onto her pronto.

Thirdly, when her
dog is on the loose make a call yourself to the city. Let them deal
with the "dangerous stray". If it doesn’t have tags they’ll have to
take it. Let her pay the "doggy impound fees".

And I wouldn’t send porn in the mail, too obvious.

Send her husband some flowers to his house, from "Susan at the
store" or whoever. Or use
to call and leave messages that infer he’s
cheating on her, stir the pot.
Let her sweat that one, pregnant and all.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,

I feel a little strange writing, but I have no
idea what else to do in this type of situation.

Today, we came home to a notice that our neighbours had called
animal control on us.

e have four dogs,
who will go outside in our backyard. Our neighbour also has a dog,
and whenever the they meet, they bark. Our neighbours complained,
insisting that they cannot enjoy their pool with our dogs present.
Now, we have 30 days to remove two of our dogs.

I understand this is a mistake on our part, and we should have
looked into bylaw rules. I know that my family is guilty, and we are
receiving our punishment. However, we are not crazy, and our dogs
are all foster and rescue dogs who we saved from be put to sleep.
Not to mention our neighbour’s dog is just as guilty as ours, we
just have more (which means more noise). On another note, our
neighbours are not as saintly as they may seem.

I am in highschool with their son, and I happen to know that he is
involved in the trafficking of cocaine (and various other
substances) within the school. When they do go out to their pool, I
know he will have loud music and friends, who will be consuming more
of these illegal substances. I am a good student within the school,
and I am not involved in these activities.

With this being said, this is a very stressful and upsetting time
for us, especially my parents. Without doing anything illegal or
stupid, I was wondering if you have any advice on what we could do?
I doubt there is much to be done, but I feel that if they expect us
to remain so strictly within the law, that all members of their
house should be responsible for doing the same. I just want to let
them know how traumatic this will be to our dogs and our family, all
for the sake of their summer parties.

Thank you kindly for your time,
The sad neighbour.

Revenge JokerHi Sad Neighbor,
First off, get a hold of a local newspaper about your dogs and maybe
they will be adopted by someone else with a kind heart. Newspapers
love these types of local stories, make it sound as though you are
being unfairly punished for providing a home for these former rescue

As for the kids and parents with all their drugs, get the evidence
and call the police.

Report him anonymously with drugs on campus…
When the parties start, I’d put up posters to make it an all-out
bash, destruction will soon follow as you call the police on these
overly huge parties.

Good luck!

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,

Believe me when I say my neighbours are the
worst kind anyone could imagine.

There are 3 adults
& 2 kids living in a two bedroom unit directly above my unit.

I am woken around
5.30am every morning. Even though I ware earplugs to bed every night
the huge bangs are so loud & heavy it makes the walls n floor

Every time I go 2
the bathroom no matter when. Someone is hitting something with a
hammer. In the shower my water pressure continuously changing Hot to
cold etc. Someone goes to the water system & keeps re-adjusting
while I’m in the shower.

Most nights I end
up lying on the lounge watching TV. As soon as I begin to shut my
eyes {fall asleep} someone makes a huge bang noise directly above
me. {Happens most nights}

Yet if I have a
visitor then nothing happens!

I could write pages
& pages of incidents that have happened over last 3 years. The
Police know my voice so well they don’t even ask who’s calling.
Obviously because I have had to ring them so many times.

Last week they got
one of their cousins or whoever to throw a rock at their window. The
window broke. Then they rang the Police & told them they saw me do

I wasn’t even home.
Good for me that the police did not believe them.

These neighbors are
unbelievable, they try to harass me 24/7.

Sometimes I go away
for the weekend and as soon as I arrive home they start. They seem
to have dedicated their lives to harassing me.

I need advise!
Please help
Yours Sincerely

Revenge JokerHi Bob,
First off, you need to gather evidence better… get a video camera
and let it record all the noise.

Certainly these
idiots upstairs won’t know you are recording them, so you’ll finally
have something to show the police and the management of where you

If the police know
you by name when you call then a visit to the station house is a
good idea so they know you on sight. Take some muffins or doughnuts
to add to your welcoming visit.

Fight for your
living rights as agreed to in the lease you signed (as a renter) or
in the housing rules you agreed to (if a condo/townhome development
with an HOA).

As for revenge, I’d get their phone number and post ads all over the
place for “furniture for sale” and let them deal with the calls for
cheap furniture. Make sure you include “Shift worker – call between
midnight and 5 am”.

Do this every
couple of weeks. At least you’ll have the last laugh when the phone
rings upstairs.

And get ready to move, your sanity is much more important, don’t you

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Beloved Revenge Guy,

I need to know if my desire for revenge
is warranted.

I had a truck (an
ENTIRE TRUCK, SIR!) STOLEN from my apartment complex.

When I asked to see
if I could get out of my lease early without penalties, the
management company’s corporate office said no and that I would have
to pursue legal action to get a different result.

Well, the
management company changed, and the new company decided to up my
rent $80 a month DESPITE the fact that my truck was stolen from this
complex. They basically told me to move if I didn’t like it.

Like an idiot, I
resigned my lease because it would have been too expensive (even
with the upped rent) to do otherwise.

But I’m pissed!

The management
staff in the office are a bunch of rude people. I feel like they’re
lording the higher rent over my head, and I would like to do
something about it. I thought about powdered drink mix, food
coloring, or jello in the pools or maybe a large banner out in front
of the complex, but I wanted to consult you first.

For all of its generally nice external appearance, more heinous
things have happened to people in this place. Do I need therapy, or
is revenge a viable option in this particular scenario?
Dr. Fellows
P.S. Also, do you have post-revenge stories on the site?

Revenge JokerHi Dr. Fellows,
You are right to seek revenge. And it is the management company that
you want to be put into a bad place as they most certainly pay for
the troubles they have caused you.

I feel for your
truck being stolen. I have had a car stolen once when I lived in an
apartment… not too much you can do except make an insurance claim,
but double check your rental agreement anyways, maybe there is
something you can use in there about the safety of personal
property. You never know, you might have justification for a civil
suit against them.

Now, first off, I
don’t know where you live but many places have rent control. Are you
positive that the increase in rent was legal?

Call your local
government’s residential control department to find out.

Talk to other
residents about the rent increase. Were you singled out?
Was everyone’s rent raised?
Maybe starting a residents club is a good idea. Management never
likes residents getting together, it always means trouble for them
and this is a step you should take.

Create posters and
slip them under everyone’s door.

“ Dear Residents of XXX
Has your rent recently be raised?
Is this a legal rental increase?
Tenants have rights. We need to band together to protect ours.
Contact me at this email address for more details:”

That should suffice.

Don’t let these
idiots bully you for one more second!
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy


The Revenge GuyBad Neighbors 4 By
The Revenge Guy

Moving into a great neighborhood doesn't always guarantee friendly
neighbors, or nice neighbors or even people that just ignore you.

More often than not, you're going to have a neighbor that will do
everything in his/her power to destroy the tranquil life you had so
hoped for.

Here's a few stories of getting even.

Revenge Guy,

I’m so glad I found this site. I have a real
dilemma on my hands. My parents just recently bought this house (which
is technically part of a condo) a couple towns over from where we used
to live. It was my parents dream to own a house instead of paying rent
for the rest of their lives. Though the area isn’t ideal, it is great
house and we are happy in our new home.

This has been soured, however, by the neighbors who live right next to
us. These drunken assholes have been nothing but nasty to us since we
moved in. I believe it started when we took down their dog run that was
attached to our deck. The previous owner didn’t mind, but we did. The
day that we moved in the woman came outside and yelled at a friend of
the family who was helping us move in. Needless to say, they have been
completely out of control since we moved in.

The guy has a Harley that he revs up at all hours of the day, sometimes
at ten at night and six in the morning, when we are trying to sleep. The
woman who is apparently his girlfriend is just a bitch. Today, they were
yelling, and calling me names completely unprovoked. They referred to me
as "Fat F–k" as I was leaving to do some errands, and they almost ran
over my dog with the motorcycle when we were out for a walk. This is
absolutely the last straw.

They went from mild nuisances, to total assholes pretty quickly. If I
did to them what I have in mind right now, I would be in prison. I am
LIVID right now, and I really need some way to get back at them. If you
have any suggestions, then I would really appreciate it.

We aren’t bad people. We just want to live in peace!
Thanks for your time,

Revenge Joker

Hi Hank,
The answer here is threefold:

First off you need to video what is going on and journal all the events
that happen to you and your family from these out-of-control neighbors.
When you have evidence of possibly criminal behavior contact the police.

wo: you need to have a look at the rules for the condo. Most condo’s
because they have common areas that are governed by a condo or strata
council have rules, or bylaws, that all owners and tenants have to
Brush up on these rules and bylaws. If possible get yourself elected to
the strata council. Change the rules of residency and get after the bad
effects of these neighbors.
You can do it!

Get them legally, they won’t even see it coming!

Three: get some noxious substance (Liquid Ass is my favorite right now)
and spray some on their bike if at all possible you can get to it
without being seen. let them smell ass for a while!
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Use To Protect Your Identity On The Phone

Revenge Guy,

We have this guy in our apartment complex who
ALWAY takes up two parking spots and I get off late at night and get
home about 3am and can’t find a damn parking spot because of this

The tow company won’t tow him because he’s
got the parking sticker and lives here, I’ve complained to the office
but that seems to never work.

I’m ready to slash all his tires. His car
isn’t even new it’s a 1992 pontiac grand prix 4 door! wtf is so damn
special about that, that he needs two damn spots?? It’s not going to
save it from the keyed up marks he’s about ready to get. So besides all
the obvious destroying of the car and beating him like he owes me money
what else could I do?

Revenge Joker


The key here is to get him taken care of without being
caught as the culprit.
You’ve got to wait a couple of weeks, avoid confrontations. Let this
settle down.

Have you spoken with the apartment managers?
Taken photos to them of this bad parking?
Do you know that if a parking place is included in your lease and the
manager doesn’t make sure you have access to one, 24 hours a day, you
can withhold your rent?

You should check this with a lawyer or your local government office, but
it’s a pretty universal thing.

Now then, the goals here are to:
1. Educate this guy about parking, and
2. Get your revenge.
These things should work together somehow, agreed?

Get yourself a fake “Tow-away” sign or “No Parking” sign and a stick.
When “too stupid to stay within the lines” is parked in two spots, pull
out your sign and stick, stick it in the ground in front of his car and
call the tow truck.
This works, trust me! As an alternative, get yourself some Liquid Ass (
and generously spay this stuff on the door handles of his car. He’ll
love the smell for several hours. Hehe.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,

I have these neighbors who live behind me a
couple of houses down, they keep stealing from me and the cops can do
anything about it, (or won’t), either way, I have had it.

It’s taking everything I have to keep from
going over there to kick someone’s ass. It’s teenage boys who live with
their mother, who condones this crap. We have had problems for years,
about 6 or 7 years ago this kid stole my sons bike and we found it in
the thief’s friend’s backyard right behind us.

We don’t have a fence so I know this
contributes to my problem, but it still doesn’t give these chumps the
right to steal from me.

So we called the cops then, got the bike
back, and things seemed to calm down. The kid eventually went to juvy
for 3 years because he progressed to stealing cars, the family moved
away, then recently moved back into the neighborhood within the last

My kids pass by their backyard to go to
and from their bus stop so they see into these peoples backyard
everyday. A few months ago, my son comes home and says "Mom, my bike is
in this dudes backyard", so I didn’t call the cops this time, because
they never help us out with the neighborhood thieves or vandalism we
deal with, it feels like we are on our own.

So my son and I go over there, I jump
their fence and take the bike back. Later that night my husband and I
went and confronted them about it, the mom just adamantly defended her
perfect little children, like my kids bike rode itself over there and
put itself in her backyard.

So a couple of weeks ago my son comes home
and says "Mom, your garden tool is in their backyard now", I didn’t go
get it back because I wasn’t sure how to handle this, because now I am
just totally pissed off and don’t want to screw myself legally. I
realize it’s a miniscule item but its the principal of the matter. So my
husband called the cops yesterday, I bought the tool at a swap meet so I
really have no way of proving its mine. It’s all bent up and used and my
husband told the cop that, I saw it and it is clearly my tool. So the
mom tells the cop, no it’s hers she bought it at Home Depot, she will
look for her receipt to prove it.

Come on!!! She knows its mine, I know it’s
mine, her thieving sons know its mine. It was in my yard one day, the
next day one shows up in their yard, they live in a rocky landscaped
backyard, I have a garden in my yard, it just looks bad on their part.

But the cops can’t do anything its their
word against ours. The cop says we need to engrave all of our stuff,
which I am going to do. I am going to engrave my name into my bike and a
few other things (in inconspicuous places) and leave them out there to
try and set them up. They can’t seem to control themselves from stealing
from us, so I think it will work, but it’s a matter of time I’m sure.

After we pissed them off yesterday by
sending the cops to their house, they kept looking over the fence at me
and my kids, I told my kids if these people talk to you ignore them
because we don’t talk to thieving bastards, they heard me say that and
sent the cops to MY house like I am a criminal, can you believe this!

That just pissed me off even more. Then
later last night I am outside on the phone and three of the kids jump
their neighbors fence and were watching me, like crouched down, it was
weird like they were going to do something, so I yelled at them, "Go
ahead and keep watching me, you guys steal from me and treat me like I’M
the ones who’s wrong!" They ran when I said that, I was worried so I
kept watch out my backyard all night, they didn’t come over here.

So clearly I need to take matters into my
own hands. We don’t live in that great of a neighborhood, but my next
door neighbor, he’s a stand-up guy, he has had problems with these
people too, but none of us can prove that its these little bastards
doing any of this stuff that keeps going on.

One of the kids shot a moving car with a
bb gun from my good neighbor’s house, but of course we can’t prove it.
So my stand-up neighbor had to pay for the damages to the car. I figured
out it was them when I confronted their mom about my kids stolen bike
when I found a coffee can full of bbs and bb holes on their front porch
soon after the incident occurred.

We have been robbed and vandalized
numerous times, we had a quad stolen out of my yard, my kids Kettcar go
cart was stolen, I can’t prove its them but I know it is.

We don’t have a lot of money so I can’t
afford to build a fence right now, I can’t afford surveillance. My son
wants to set booby traps, lol, that’s great but not too practical I
don’t think. We raked my yard last night to see any footprints that
might be left, so I will keep doing that. I know I pissed them off so I
know they will be back to do something, I just don’t know when. So I
found your site and wanted some good sweet revenge advice, please help,

Pissed Off

Revenge Joker

Pissed Off,

I think that you’re in a bad situation and need
to make it better.
First off, outdoor surveillance is only a few hundred dollars. Do it!
Even if you only have one camera and a couple fake ones. (Take a look at
this page to see what I mean.)

Do the engraving…. And if you hit some
second hand stores what I’d do is look for something that’s cheap that
the kids might want to steal. Mark it with some invisible paint. Let
them have that all over them… the cops will love it.

Get all your neighbors together to discuss these problem neighbors and
kids. You’ll find better solutions if you’re together as a group. It’s a
great reason to share a beer or a cup of coffee with your neighbors too.

Start a journal, every neighbor, detailing what’s going on. Write down
incidents, times, witnesses, everything. The police will reply on this
when it happens again.

Do these people rent the home? Is there a landlord to talk to about the
house damage?

Your sweet revenge is really catching them in the act and having the
police, and other neighbors, watch them very carefully.
Protect what you have.
Raking the yard is a good idea, so is watering it. Any treatment that
will show footprints.

I would worry that this is just becoming a game with kids and parents
that just don’t care what might happen.

Get everyone together. You may even have a civil case and sue them. Read
your city bylaws…. Even the threat of a lawsuit might wake the idiotic
mother up to what her kids are doing.

And, as far as what to do, if you can I’d start spreading bird seed in
their rocky back yard… let them deal with a yard full of birds and cats…
Just throw some over into their yard every few nights. Give them some
pets to play with.

to phone them with. Maybe you’re the police? Maybe a
bill creditor? Maybe you’ve got some real bad news to share? allows you to
change your voice, change the call display and even record the call.
Give it a go.

I hope this helps,
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,

My bastard neighbors put up chimes for the sole
purpose of annoying me.

They stuck two large ones on the side of
the house next to mine.

What can I do? I am not interested in
escalating this to a noise war because I hate loud noise, but am open to
any advice.
Thanks, Anon.

Revenge Joker


What I really would do is get a can of aerosol glue and
spray it at the wind chimes when they aren’t home.
It’ll still be hanging but now should be all glued up and not chiming.

If it’s hanging by a string I’d try to get
to it and partially cut it through, but still hanging. A few gusts of
wind should take it down and hopefully they’ll be too lazy to get it

Either that or fake a call to them being the local bylaw office, saying
that they have a noise complaint and have 72 hours to comply with taking
down the chime or face a city hall fine. is great for this type of phone call (on my site).

Or just for the heck of it start dropping
some bird seed on the other side of their house, let them have some new
noise just for themselves!

I hope I’ve helped!
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,

I saw your website and figured I’d give it a try…. here’s the

Back in 2003 my
family and I moved into a new house, my dad who owned an heating and
a/c company passed away 2 weeks later suddenly.

Now the problem
began when we had the two company vehicles, my car, my mom’s car and
my dad’s personal truck and no space to put these vehicles. So for a
temporary time until spring came I had to park 2 vehicles on the
road, now mind you, at the time houses were still being built and
there were big piles of dirt and rock and constructions vehicles as
well left on our road during the night.

But our neighbor
across the street this old guy who doesn’t work kept calling the
city on me and they’d keep towing my cars away almost on a nightly
basis. I ended up running out of money after paying so much to get
them out, and ended up losing my dad’s personal truck (worth $30,000
at the time) and a company vehicle with all our tools in it (worth
about $35,000) because the towing company said they don’t hold on to
the vehicles for more then a month.

I let it go… I
lost our business went broke and let it go anyways… now, 2 years
later I get a letter in attached to the door saying I have to move
my 2 vehicles off my driveway or make them operable (I no longer
park anything on the road…. and the two vehicles being referred to
are our cars that are not being used at the moment but are both 2002
models so they’re not an eyesore) because the old man complained
about that now.

I really want to
beat the sh-t out of this guy… but I can’t because I will get in
trouble, what can I do? Any ideas? I just want to torture the
fucker… I park my car out on the road during legal hours of the
day just to piss him off now, but I need more.
Peeved Son

Revenge JokerHi
Peeved Son,

I’m really sorry for what you’ve gone through. Is
he giving other neighbors the same hassles or just targeting you?

Have you thought of a lawyer and filing harassment charges of some

Can you cover the cars, put minimum insurance on them? Get plates?

As far as revenge it’s hard to say what to do. You didn’t tell me
much about him.

But you can do the standby’s that are on my site:
Litter his yard with dry cat food when he’s asleep, let him be
attacked by all the cat’s in the neighborhood;

Sprinkle pellet fertilizer on his yard spelling out “JERK”. The next
time he waters he’ll get a semi-permanent surprise;

Make up some “For Rent” posters and leave them around town , cheap
rent at his place. Let him deal with these visitors. You can also do
early morning yard sales, car for sale, anything. Make a poster a
month and keep him busy. You’ll get to laugh a lot at him.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,
The other day I was driving into a cul-de-sac that my cousin lives
on (who lives around the corner from me).

I, for the record, was driving within or
below the speed limit. My cell phone rang, it was my daughter so I
answered it. This old man on the corner motioned to me so I rolled my
window down and he told me to get off the damn phone and drive. I was

I was not doing anything wrong. When I
told him that it was my daughter and I needed to answer it he screamed
something at me and I told him to get a life. He then told me to stick
it up my ass.

I was so unnerved I went home and cried. I
can’t believe a total stranger would be so cruel. I know that being on
the phone when driving is a pet peeve for some people, but it is legal
where I live and like I said, I was driving slow almost stopped.

This man does not know who I was and that
I live around the corner from him. He walks his dog everyday and I have
said hi to him before, but even then he wasn’t very friendly.

I want revenge. What do you suggest.


Really, what this guy needs is a return ticket to reality. But are you
sure you want to be the one?

If yes, then read on, otherwise just
delete this email right now.

You know where the old guy walks his dog. He doesn’t know you.

I’d start timing his walks, knowing where and when he’ll be someplace,
then start leaving stuff in slightly hidden places for the dog to sniff
and find.

Small wrapped bits of catnip, dog food in wet tissue paper, things that
will make the dog out of control while he’s walking the dog.
And take pictures of him too, or video with your phone/camera, wrestling
with his dog, trying to keep him under control.

Then post the video to YouTube or somewhere.
Share it. You’ll at least have the last laugh.

Let this old guy lose control over something he cares about, then he’ll
have more to worry about than just bugging people as they drive.

Best Wishes, The Revenge Guy

Sneaky Advice

The Revenge Guy
Advice For MySpace Users From
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy's Revenge Advice For MySpace Users

You know I'm a straight-shooter, right? RG has no problem whatsoever
calling a jerk a jerk… an idiot an idiot… and a loser a loser…

But what ya gonna do when the fight is in "Interspace"? How do you
fight the invisible enemy? The I-Rate fakes? This is what you need to
know…. and more!

Revenge Guy,

I am writing you because I have reached my wit’s end.

I am a myspace
user, as so many people are, and have been the target of not one but
TWO ex friends’ fraudulent-profile creations- with me as target, my
fiancé as target, or both simultaneously.

I cut these two
friends out of my life within a year of each other because I saw
alarming patterns in their behavior which led me to believe that
they had severe emotional problems due to the way they treated other

On and off, and
then, most recently, for the past week- the fake profiles have been
brought to my attention because:
A) they’ve contained my telephone number (which I will have to
change now)
B) my name
C) my fiancé’s name
D) information about my personal life and/or past, or
E) any combination of these.

These pages are
absolutely pathetic. They mock the ring my fiancé gave me- calling
it cheap and crappy (it’s not huge, but he’s a student!), calling
him gay, calling ME a man, fat, ugly or anything else cruel and
abusive you can possibly think of.

I have gone to the
police with all of the pages printed out and told them who I KNEW to
be the perpetrators… but they, unfortunately, can not do anything
for me because there is no way for them to directly link the
profiles to these two individuals.

I’ve tried every
way possible to block them from contacting me, but they keep finding
a way. I did my best to ignore it for a while, but recently, I’ve
found myself blurting out scathing retorts to them in messages-
because I JUST CANNOT CONTAIN MYSELF ANYMORE. What is their motive?
And what should I do- since everything I have tried simply does not
seem to work.

Revenge JokerHi

What you do is call the police, again and again.

You have the
evidence, maybe a Revenge Call will sort out the small details (
if you talk nicely enough to them, like you’re a MySpace
exec/security person and have an issue with certain postings.

MySpace is great at
tracking down fake profile creators when there is the possibility of
criminal charges. And lawyers love these types of lawsuit cases,
personal liability suits can stifle a person’s career easily.

Police will act
strongly and talk to these people when all the evidence is set out
for them. Really, unless it’s a TV sex crime the cops aren’t so
quick to take issue with fake profile creators but once you have
some evidence, even if you can’t get a criminal charge against these
miscreants you certainly have a civil suit worth many thousand$.

Scare them silly.
Get a lawyer and have him send a letter as well as get a restraining
order against them.

Don’t wimp out, go after these two with every legal tool there is!!
And a couple of scary revenge calls too!
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,

Good advice here on your site.

I think I have read
through all of the ones posted here, but cannot seem to find
anything that gets the job done the way i want it done.

Here is the scenario:
My GF’s sister has been posting terrible things about me on her
myspace page. These things are all opinion and there fore she cannot
be sued for slander unfortunately. Whether or not they are opinions
they make me look like a total Jack A$$. They are so bad that if
someone reads them they will truly change their opinion of me, I’m
talking my GF or her family, or associates of mine.

Do you have any suggestions here? I want to fight fire with fire,
and I want to cause her as much pain as she has caused me, but I am
having trouble figuring out a way.

Help Please!!!

Revenge JokerHi

Just because she’s publishing her opinion doesn’t mean that she has
any freedom to do so. Lies are still lies.

There is a very fine line here and she’s crossed it. And you should
seek revenge…. to shake her back into the reality that what she
does affects those around her more than what she thinks is in her
own little selfish world… bitch.

Get a friend to call her from the local "Police department, Internet
bureau" to investigate a complaint. is
great for this.
Then have another friend call her from " security
department" about the objectionable content. Again using but
changing the voice and the caller display.
Tell her that she must remove the content or face having her site
taken down and paying for the considerable fees involved since this
is now a police matter.
Scare her good.

This is not a
"fight fire with fire" issue because if you really love your gf then
you’ll have her sister forever at your elbow… so don’t go all
nutso over this… kids are stupid… don’t fall into the trap of
playing the game out on her level, but use the tools available to
shake her up and out of her jealous little world.

Play it out but be
the adult.

The "Internet"
never forgets.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

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