The Revenge GuyYou Can't Choose Your Family and You Can't
Choose Your Neighbors: More Revenge Advice From
The Revenge Guy

Just like family, you don't get to pick your neighbors!

And just like family they often don't give a crap about you… but
once they've crossed that line from allowing you the peaceful enjoyment
of your own paid-for property… well, let's just say they deserve
what's coming, right?

My Neighbor's Trees


I got this neighbor who owns trees that branch out passed the
sidewalk where cars park.

This morning I found him ordering his hired help to cut down the
branches and they ended up falling on my car.

I'm not talking about twigs here, they were big enough to make a
loud crashing, twisting sound when they were coming down. After it
happened he noticed I saw it and acted really friendly in a fake way
asking how I was doing and the usual bull shit while his hired help
brushed off the branches from my car.

How do I get even with him. I want to thai kick him in the face but
I know you can help me find a better way to get revenge.
Dave in MN

Revenge JokerHi

That type of event is why the Revenge Guy has his cell phone with
him at all times. It's the type that takes pictures, video and voice

I am ready to get evidence of anything that happens to me and my
Did he scratch your car's paint job? Any dings? And why didn't you
ream him out right away?

If you know the company name of his hired help, I'd send them a
letter claiming damages. Detail what happened. They'll have to call
him and make him sweat it out thinking there may be a small claims
lawsuit coming his way.

Now then, what I'd do is start buying containers of molasses.
Molasses spread onto wax paper or poured into small plastic baggies
(with small holes put into them once placed) and hung in trees,
hidden under porches, stuck under cars, wherever there is a great
hiding place, makes a heck of a nuisance attracting all kinds of
bugs for him to deal with… give him some real worries.

If that's too hard for you to do, maybe just throw some granular
fertilizer over onto his yard every night for about 2 weeks. The
over-fertilization will burn his grass and he'll be flummoxed as to
how it happened. Maybe he'll blame the hired help again.

Best wishes,

Revenge Guy,

I just found your site today after my rude
awakening, by the animals that I am forced to call neighbors, this

A little back story:
Since we moved in 3 years ago, the neighbor "above" us on the hill has
given us problem after problem. With no retaliation from us whatsoever.

I am sick and tired of doing things
"properly", for them just to spit in our faces and think up some new way
to dirty the place up. The summer after we moved in, they started
draining their kiddie pool into our yard. Not only were they eroding
away the fragile hill between our two homes, but we then had to deal
with bugs, mold, stagnant water, etc. My husband tried to talk to them
the first time this happened. They refused to answer the door, so we
called their landlord. He said he would take care of it.

As the months went on they began to drain
their pool DAILY (!!! water wasters!!!) while we were at work. Back and
forth all summer.

The next year, the same thing. So I called
local code enforcement. "Nothing can be done, you’ll have to file a
civil suit." At this point, they are draining their washing machine onto
our hill, and into our yard! In addition, their trash falls into our
yard on a daily basis, and our nice normal neighbor has had to take care
of this crappy neighbor’s "feral cat" issue.

Fast forward to today: Saturday morning.

Husband went to work early, and I am in
bed with the dogs. All of a sudden, a loud bang on the roof. The dogs
start barking, so I know something’s up. As I try to collect myself from
just being waken up to abruptly, I walk out the front door to the side
of the house where I heard the bang. There were what looked like large
drops of water on the concrete all around my car. Weird… Then I see an
open water bottle, and go to see what’s inside. I should have known.
When I picked the bottle up, it was warm. And that was when I realized
what I should have known all along. It was pee. WTF?!?!?! PEE?!?!?!?!

I called the cops. He visited them, and after 10 minutes of tying to get
them to answer the door, speaks with the mother (I use the term
loosely). She knows nothing of any pee (convenient lie), and claims she
just wants "all this to stop".

Uh…okay lady. I’ll stop…uh…playing nice with you ‘ cause you
obviously have no sense of common decency!!

Her landlord let it be known to us that he
doesn’t want to evict them, because he gets money from the government
(Section 8?) to keep them there.

What do I do!?!?!?!

I don’t want to take it out on the kids
(even though they are incredible brats…all 20 of them!), because this
ghetto bitch is obviously not doing her job as a mother…but what do I
do??? Help!!!

Revenge Joker

Hi Sharon,
First off, create a water diversion to drain the water
off the edge of your property.

Take pictures of the damage that now exists, how the water is ruining
your landscape and threaten a lawsuit against their landlord. That will
get his attention better than just you calling him up and complaining. A
nice letter from a lawyer should move things along nicely.

Keep a journal of all the things that have happened and will happen.
You’ll need this as evidence if you end up in court or there are more
calls to the police.

Get the names and numbers of these
idiot neighbors… if they are on Social Assistance then they will be
money hungry, you can use to get them out of the house
supposedly to pick up a cash prize at a local radio station… You can
also use to call them and give them other things to
worry about, once you find out more about these people you’ll know what
buttons to push.

And call the SPCA about the cat wandering around… maybe a trap?
Or better yet, throw some dry cat food into their yard, get all the cats
in the neighborhood into their yard and let your dogs loose.

I hope this helps:
Records of everything;
Pictures and video and voice recordings when possible; phone calls when you know what will get them out of the

Small efforts of revenge against their cat and yard….
And whatever else will not be pointed back at you but will help to exact
your revenge.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,

I have a neurotic pregnant lady next door that
says my dog barks all day and it doesn’t and the city won’t check
into it so I am going to be inconvenienced because the city will not
come out here and listen to confirm it.

All they have to do
is turn in complaints without substantiation and I will have to go
to court to prove otherwise.

Not fair.

I have had the dog
for ten years, have left a recorder outside etc., to make sure that
he isn’t barking when I’m out.

How can I cause
some discomfort and discord in their household?

My wife passed away
a few years ago and this was her dog. It’s an important pet to my
son. They have a dog that runs over and barks at me and I don’t
complain. I am a good neighbor.

Hell, I am a
homeland security guy trying to take care of all you oblivious
assholes to what’s really going on. I pay taxes, volunteer and have
been a good citizen.

I want to have some
fun and cause a little discomfort. Any suggestions? Bad porn in the
mail to his neighbors with his name on it or what?

Revenge JokerHi,
Being a good neighbor doesn’t mean that you have to put up with the
bad ones. And since she’s got you going to court it’s time to play
on their level.

First off: keep recording your dog. You need hours and hours, and
days and days of recordings to verify that it isn’t your dog making
all the noise.

Secondly, also get
video of her dog coming to your house and making noise, digging,
snooping around, whatever it does. Most places have bylaws against
letting dogs run loose and without a leash on so turn the courts
onto her pronto.

Thirdly, when her
dog is on the loose make a call yourself to the city. Let them deal
with the "dangerous stray". If it doesn’t have tags they’ll have to
take it. Let her pay the "doggy impound fees".

And I wouldn’t send porn in the mail, too obvious.

Send her husband some flowers to his house, from "Susan at the
store" or whoever. Or use
to call and leave messages that infer he’s
cheating on her, stir the pot.
Let her sweat that one, pregnant and all.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,

I feel a little strange writing, but I have no
idea what else to do in this type of situation.

Today, we came home to a notice that our neighbours had called
animal control on us.

e have four dogs,
who will go outside in our backyard. Our neighbour also has a dog,
and whenever the they meet, they bark. Our neighbours complained,
insisting that they cannot enjoy their pool with our dogs present.
Now, we have 30 days to remove two of our dogs.

I understand this is a mistake on our part, and we should have
looked into bylaw rules. I know that my family is guilty, and we are
receiving our punishment. However, we are not crazy, and our dogs
are all foster and rescue dogs who we saved from be put to sleep.
Not to mention our neighbour’s dog is just as guilty as ours, we
just have more (which means more noise). On another note, our
neighbours are not as saintly as they may seem.

I am in highschool with their son, and I happen to know that he is
involved in the trafficking of cocaine (and various other
substances) within the school. When they do go out to their pool, I
know he will have loud music and friends, who will be consuming more
of these illegal substances. I am a good student within the school,
and I am not involved in these activities.

With this being said, this is a very stressful and upsetting time
for us, especially my parents. Without doing anything illegal or
stupid, I was wondering if you have any advice on what we could do?
I doubt there is much to be done, but I feel that if they expect us
to remain so strictly within the law, that all members of their
house should be responsible for doing the same. I just want to let
them know how traumatic this will be to our dogs and our family, all
for the sake of their summer parties.

Thank you kindly for your time,
The sad neighbour.

Revenge JokerHi Sad Neighbor,
First off, get a hold of a local newspaper about your dogs and maybe
they will be adopted by someone else with a kind heart. Newspapers
love these types of local stories, make it sound as though you are
being unfairly punished for providing a home for these former rescue

As for the kids and parents with all their drugs, get the evidence
and call the police.

Report him anonymously with drugs on campus…
When the parties start, I’d put up posters to make it an all-out
bash, destruction will soon follow as you call the police on these
overly huge parties.

Good luck!

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,

Believe me when I say my neighbours are the
worst kind anyone could imagine.

There are 3 adults
& 2 kids living in a two bedroom unit directly above my unit.

I am woken around
5.30am every morning. Even though I ware earplugs to bed every night
the huge bangs are so loud & heavy it makes the walls n floor

Every time I go 2
the bathroom no matter when. Someone is hitting something with a
hammer. In the shower my water pressure continuously changing Hot to
cold etc. Someone goes to the water system & keeps re-adjusting
while I’m in the shower.

Most nights I end
up lying on the lounge watching TV. As soon as I begin to shut my
eyes {fall asleep} someone makes a huge bang noise directly above
me. {Happens most nights}

Yet if I have a
visitor then nothing happens!

I could write pages
& pages of incidents that have happened over last 3 years. The
Police know my voice so well they don’t even ask who’s calling.
Obviously because I have had to ring them so many times.

Last week they got
one of their cousins or whoever to throw a rock at their window. The
window broke. Then they rang the Police & told them they saw me do

I wasn’t even home.
Good for me that the police did not believe them.

These neighbors are
unbelievable, they try to harass me 24/7.

Sometimes I go away
for the weekend and as soon as I arrive home they start. They seem
to have dedicated their lives to harassing me.

I need advise!
Please help
Yours Sincerely

Revenge JokerHi Bob,
First off, you need to gather evidence better… get a video camera
and let it record all the noise.

Certainly these
idiots upstairs won’t know you are recording them, so you’ll finally
have something to show the police and the management of where you

If the police know
you by name when you call then a visit to the station house is a
good idea so they know you on sight. Take some muffins or doughnuts
to add to your welcoming visit.

Fight for your
living rights as agreed to in the lease you signed (as a renter) or
in the housing rules you agreed to (if a condo/townhome development
with an HOA).

As for revenge, I’d get their phone number and post ads all over the
place for “furniture for sale” and let them deal with the calls for
cheap furniture. Make sure you include “Shift worker – call between
midnight and 5 am”.

Do this every
couple of weeks. At least you’ll have the last laugh when the phone
rings upstairs.

And get ready to move, your sanity is much more important, don’t you

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Beloved Revenge Guy,

I need to know if my desire for revenge
is warranted.

I had a truck (an
ENTIRE TRUCK, SIR!) STOLEN from my apartment complex.

When I asked to see
if I could get out of my lease early without penalties, the
management company’s corporate office said no and that I would have
to pursue legal action to get a different result.

Well, the
management company changed, and the new company decided to up my
rent $80 a month DESPITE the fact that my truck was stolen from this
complex. They basically told me to move if I didn’t like it.

Like an idiot, I
resigned my lease because it would have been too expensive (even
with the upped rent) to do otherwise.

But I’m pissed!

The management
staff in the office are a bunch of rude people. I feel like they’re
lording the higher rent over my head, and I would like to do
something about it. I thought about powdered drink mix, food
coloring, or jello in the pools or maybe a large banner out in front
of the complex, but I wanted to consult you first.

For all of its generally nice external appearance, more heinous
things have happened to people in this place. Do I need therapy, or
is revenge a viable option in this particular scenario?
Dr. Fellows
P.S. Also, do you have post-revenge stories on the site?

Revenge JokerHi Dr. Fellows,
You are right to seek revenge. And it is the management company that
you want to be put into a bad place as they most certainly pay for
the troubles they have caused you.

I feel for your
truck being stolen. I have had a car stolen once when I lived in an
apartment… not too much you can do except make an insurance claim,
but double check your rental agreement anyways, maybe there is
something you can use in there about the safety of personal
property. You never know, you might have justification for a civil
suit against them.

Now, first off, I
don’t know where you live but many places have rent control. Are you
positive that the increase in rent was legal?

Call your local
government’s residential control department to find out.

Talk to other
residents about the rent increase. Were you singled out?
Was everyone’s rent raised?
Maybe starting a residents club is a good idea. Management never
likes residents getting together, it always means trouble for them
and this is a step you should take.

Create posters and
slip them under everyone’s door.

“ Dear Residents of XXX
Has your rent recently be raised?
Is this a legal rental increase?
Tenants have rights. We need to band together to protect ours.
Contact me at this email address for more details:”

That should suffice.

Don’t let these
idiots bully you for one more second!
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

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