Roommate Revenge

The Revenge Guy

Are you in ROOMMATE HELL?

Do you  need advice about a BAD ROOMMATE?

Need to get him off the lease? Get her to stop bring her white trash boyfriend to stay for days on end?

 Read on… The Revenge Guy can help you!


Not His Maid


Dear Revenge Guy,

I have lived in a 3 bed apartment for about two years with another female.

About two months ago we had to quickly find a new roommate. I guess I learned why girls advertise for NO GUYS when looking, because we found a guy and it has been hell ever since.

Within the first two weeks, he was getting it on with my other roommate, and one night they had been messing around in her room for awhile when I came out to the kitchen and the entire place was full of smoke. Apparently they decided to leave something cooking while going off to make out for an hour.

When he came out I was opening the doors and fanning the fire alarm so it wouldn't set off. When he asked what was going on I told him the place was about to set on fire and he started yelling at me like it was my fault.

I tried apologizing later (even though he was the one that almost set the place on fire!) but he said he wouldn't accept it and we would never be on good terms again.

Well, he's lived up to it.

He is now trying to turn my other roommate against me even though she and I have never had any problems, and to be honest she is a bit too dim to see it happening. He's naturally a really angry person-stomps when he walks around, slams doors whenever he leaves/enters a room, talks loudly and in your face and always upset about something.

He also happens to be a personal trainer and buys "health-conscious" things like "organic" toothpaste.

All of our names are on the lease which is up at the end of August, but I can't afford to pay the early lease termination fees.

Of course my other roommate would never go for kicking him out since they are apparently in love (even though he treats her like crap). All the bills are in my name, and I pretty much own everything in the apartment.

I'd love for him to just come home to an empty place with no utilities but I don't want to do that to my other roommate.

There really is just no reasoning with him as I've tried, and she could never see anything wrong in him.

He does little things that he knows piss me off like locking the top lock which everyone knows always gets jammed, turns the cable box off so I miss my ONE recorded show I watch every week, turns the dishwasher on when I get in the shower, and makes rude comments like "Oh, did I lock that? Must be my OCD" which is ironic because he's never cleaned the bathroom he and I are forced to share since he moved in.

I've tried, and there is honestly no logical reasoning or calm discussion with this steroid-pumping asshole. What am I supposed to do???

Regards,
Not Hi Maid &
Afraid To Piss Off a 6'4" Personal Trainer

Revenge JokerHi
Not His Maid,

Yes, you are in roommate hell. You likely did something very bad in a previous life… LOL…

I think your nest bet actually is to turn the "dim one" into a brighter bulb and see what she has in this guy.

Go out with her and talk with her, without his influence I am sure she'll see your side more clearly.

Re-read your lease. Maybe add a page that he missed reading when he signed the lease about "roommate rules":
No using water consuming devices when someone is in the shower… etc, etc.

And I'd also do the same things he is doing to you. Let revenge be a duplication of what he is doing.

Lock that lock, turn off the TV or better yet, using the parental controls to lock out the channels he likes to watch.

Do you have anything that records sound, video?
Start a YouTube.com account of the recordings you can make of him and post them.

Tell him now that you have a place to go to and you need to move the bills into his name.

Tell him it will raise his credit rating (don't tell him that it'll save yours if he decides to not pay anything) and see where that leads to you getting out of the lease early, or at least off the regular bills for the place.

As for his profession, I am sure he takes on new clients and has a place where he trains them or he goes to their place.

Set up some phony appointments for him.
He'll never know and he will be out of your hair for a while too, as he chases down these phony clients.

I hope this helps,
RG


Roommate from Hades


Dear
Revenge Guy,

I happened upon your website a few days ago and it's brilliant! The solutions that you had for bad roommates were ingenious.

I'm in college right now and my roommate (let's call her Lisa) has been living with me for about a year. We were both on the same organizations on campus and always on friendly terms, so I didn't think twice about accepting her to be my roommate. This turned out to be a HUGE mistake. At first, everything was fine. She has an unofficial boyfriend/friend with benefits (I'll refer to him as David) and would have him over every day, but we have separate rooms, so I was fine with that.

After a few months, I came to the realization that David wasn't just sleeping over – he had moved in. Lisa was constantly out with her friends, so she would usually give David her keys (which is against apartment rules) and he would stay in her room even over long weekends when she went home to visit her family.

Oh, this is probably a good time to mention that Lisa's a big slob. She's lazy, has David do her homework for her, and has decided that she's not interested in getting a job after college, so she'll live with her parents until someone marries her. I pay all the bills, buy all the soap, toilet paper, cleaning stuff, etc., and am the only person who does the chores. Lisa has gone behind David's back several times with other guys and keeps him around because he lives nearby and is more "convenient". David doesn't seem to respect her very much – he's told me on more than 1 occasion that she's lazy and stupid – but he still stays with her.

The final straw was when David started inviting his own friends over to party at our apartment. These were strangers and since all the furniture (couch, chairs, tables, even Lisa's bed) belong to me, I was quite uneasy about it. When I asked Lisa to stop giving David her keys, she threw a temper tantrum and ignored me for the next 2 months. The situation got progressively worse. Whenever I tried to talk to her, she would send me threatening, insults emails. I came home one day to find feces on one of the rugs. She finally told me she was moving out, but not before trying to get me to give her money to do so. She's gone home for the summer and is planning to come down to our apartment later to move her stuff when her lease officially ends. However, she met some random guy on craigslist and decided to give him her keys and let him stay at the apartment till her lease is up. That's not what angers me the most – I took an inventory of the stuff in the kitchen and found out that she stole several things from me.

I feel angered and hurt by how manipulative she is and how much advantage she's taken of my kindness. I'd like to play a few small pranks on her to make her move-out a hassle and just give her an idea of how much stress she's been causing me this whole year. Her dad's coming up to help her move – she has her parents wrapped around her little finger, so I don't think they'd believe me if I told them she's been sleeping around with other guys (they're very devout Christians). I like your Liquid Ass idea, but there's not enough time for me to buy it and also, she's crammed most of her stuff into her room where the random guy is staying, so even if I had any nasty-smelling liquid, I probably wouldn't be able to use it.

Revenge Guy, please give me some feedback, I'm running out of ideas (and time)!
Angry

Revenge JokerHi
Angry,

It's condom time!

Buy a couple of boxes and stash them in everything she owns, hell, leave some in her bed so they fall out as her parents pack up her bedding.

Do what you can to mess up her stuff, hell, she had a stranger in her bed and an FWB for months. fake some doctor notes and print them, stuff them in her drawer chest, maybe test results for various std's. LOL

Get her!!
Best wishes,
RG

Roommate Revenge

The Revenge Guy

Roommates – has there ever been a better,  worse, way to live?

I think that when you're old enough you move out of your parents place and move in with a roommate to make the cost less expensive.. then you learn the error of your ways and you get a place all your own. In between these moments of moving, you need revenge… this is where RG comes in!


Dear Revenge Guy,

My Husband and I have to have the world's worse housemate.

We rent the bottom half of a house. We cannot really afford to move, And we cannot tolerate our Housemate anymore.

Let me tell you about this guy…
He is permanently unemployed, He gets a job every two weeks, works just long enough to get a paycheck, pays his truck payment, and then quits.

He is a drunk, and spends all of his money on beer. He smells and has dishes left in 'his half' of the sink that haven't been washed since 2006. He refuses to shower, and has turned the living room into his private bedroom (The living room opens up onto the kitchen) He will not ever buy anything, using our dishsoap, toilet paper, detergent, etc.

He steals small items of food from us constantly to eat and pawn (always under a few dollars) when he isn't 'flush' from his most recent paycheck. He walks around muttering all the time, cusses at us and at the television, keeps the TV so loud that whenever I cook dinner I get a headache, and uses one dirty cookie sheet to cook 'instant dinners' when he can afford them, which chokes the whole house with smoke every time he does.

He smokes, and with the airflow in our house that means we are smoked out every hour. And he sleeps on the living room floor naked (nasty). Especially bad when friends come over or we have a pizza delivered or something.

He is downright mean, and literally will not listen to us when we ask him to do anything at all, including wash himself or cleaning up anything of his. No matter if we yell, try to bribe, be polite, or even talk to his family, he won't change.

The worst part is, his mom owns the house we are living in and lets him live there rent-free. She refuses to recognize what he is doing no matter what we tell her, even if we give her proof like photographs of him naked dead drunk asleep or smoking pot with his friends.

He kept two dogs locked in one of the upstairs bedrooms over a year ago, one of them starved to death (we couldn't get in to feed them) and the other the state came and took away, and yet he gets off scott-free. The police won't pay attention to us, and yet when we yell he calls them up to come over and threaten us.

The whole house still smells like doggie feces because he has never cleaned the room and keeps it locked.

There is much, much more that he does, like yelling at our friends, constantly changing the temperature, peeing on the bathroom wall and the living room floor when he's drunk, and a million other things… Since moving is not an option (we cannot afford another place even if there were someplace to move TO out here)

Is there anything we can do to get him to move out of his mother's rental house and out of our lives?

Some way to make 'leaving' more attractive than 'staying and living in his mom's house rent free'?

Revenge JokerHi,

Unfortunately you're living with a freeloading asshole. And he's caught you, your husband, and his own family in his twisted, mentally deficient life.

The guy needs medical and psychological help, and now.

What I suggest is talking to the police and the local mental health department.
Document everything.

He needs help and you need a better life.

Either he goes, carried away by the state because he can't live like a normal person, or you move.

I strongly suggest that you "invite" local mental health workers to "hang out" in your house for a while… they will know what, and how, do get him out and help.

But start saving those pennies, one way or another, there's a move in your future.

There is a limit to revenge and when the target is mentally deficient, there just isn't a way to make them understand action and consequence. What could you do that would be worse that what he does to himself?

There is no revenge advice here, nothing that will make him move after all you have told me. Naked pictures, drug use, dead dogs… face it, you're just watchers over this sick asshole… and his family, not just this guy himself, are abusing you.
But, he is a risk to himself, and to you, a deadly risk.

Best wishes, RG


Dear Revenge Guy,
I moved in with two people who I thought were my friends in August.

Besides little problems with them eating my food, it wasn’t too bad.

During finals week my other roommate and I were trying to pick up the slack of the beginning of the semester and trying to study.

My other roommate knew about two weeks before that she would be done with her finals on Tuesday and would be partying. Knowing that I had finals Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday she said should would go out somewhere else to drink.

However, that Tuesday night she decided to have a party. I asked her into my room and nicely asked her to have everyone out within an hour so I could study and sleep. An hour and fifteen minutes later I went out into the front room and confronted everyone.

My roommate having the party said that my other roommate was her "spokesperson" and she was too drunk to talk with me. My other roommate who was supposed to be studying but decided to party, told me they would keep the music down. I told him I could hear them screaming from the other end of the apartment, but he did nothing.

The next morning I wrote them an email telling them we need to talk. It’s been 2 weeks and I still haven’t heard from them. I think one of my roommates took off for California leaving my with the bills to pay. I hope he’ll be back soon since he owes me money.

I want something to pay them back for what they did besides subletting the room.
Thanks,
Angry!!!!!!!!!

Revenge Joker

Hi Angry,
Well, this is going to be one of those lessons… you want revenge but you need them to pay their bills first.

Take the high road here, get their money first and check what the lease is, if you can legally kick them out or what. Maybe ask your landlord too.

Personally I’d just take the loss and get new roommates, but you need to know the law here.

As for the revenge, if you know he’ll be moving out, lose some of his computer wires or something…. Cost him a few bucks replacing something that “got broken in the move”.

And have a friend call him up after he moves out saying he’s the landlord and he’s going to be sued for damages down to the apartment

And be certain the next time that you make the living arrangements and rules of conduct part of the lease everyone signs.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy



Dear Revenge Guy,

I love your website and you have lots of great ideas. I was hoping you’d be able to give me some advice and inspiration with my horrible roommates. Here’s what’s going on:

I live with two other guys. I’m straight but my roommates are gay. They also happen to be the messiest laziest people in the world. They leave dishes in the sink for weeks that mold over. They only clean them when there are no clean ones to eat off of, or once they’ve run out of paper ones. They also jack up the heat to 80 when it’s sixty degrees outside go it’s a good 90 degrees in the house.

The worst part is that every night they sit in the living room, which is right underneath of mine, and smoke cigarettes in the house and watch TV till 2 a.m. My girl friend and I are always in my room trying to sleep but can’t because of the awful smell and all the noise. We burn incense to get rid of the smell and play a rain track over my stereo when trying to sleep. It helps but they’re still annoying.

The other thing is that their friend Sarah, who is this absolutely disgusting girl is here all the time. She has a key to the door and will sit and hang out in my house when no one is home. She was keeping her rabbit here because they don’t allow them in the dorms, and last week it died because she hasn’t been taking care of it. We tried reporting her for animal cruelty but none of the agencies will prosecute for rabbit neglect.

This girl is in my house every night. She sleeps on the couch at least three days a week until noon the next day. That is when she’s not sleeping in my one roommate’s bed when he goes away for the weekend. She has a fair deal of her stuff here, parks her car in my driveway, and for a few month’s was the worse of the two roommate’s Jeff’s allowed her to stay here.

Ok so now I’m getting to the point. Sarah’s car is always in my driveway. I allow my girlfriend to have my spot in the driveway when we spend the night here. I have a street parking permit and if you park on the street without one you get a ticket. So I have one car in the driveway and then there’s Sarah’s. Whenever someone else wants to have their car here myself or my girlfriend has to move our cars. We always refuse to do it. I want to call the cops and have Sarah’s car towed because she doesn’t live here but then they’ll probably do it right back to my girlfriend.

About the smoking in the house. I talked to them many times about it and each time they say they’ll smoke outside. That lasts about an hour. So I’ve placed six mothballs in the living room to get rid of the smell. But of course they complain saying "the mothballs hurt my lungs." Maybe it’s the three packs of cigarettes you smoke? I already tried calling the landlord but he can’t do anything because it’s not in the lease.

They also want to try to make my girlfriend pay for part of the utilities because she stays here overnight and showers here sometimes after we go for a run. This is hypocritical because their friend is here just as often. And she cooks in the house, takes showers, and uses up much more power with her TV watching.

I’m moving out at the end of May. Sarah is taking my spot. It was supposed to be completed back in December but because of their incompetence has taken until the end of April. I want to make sure I go out with a bang when they can’t do anything to touch me. Right now I keep my room door locked with a security hasp when I’m not home so they don’t do anything to my stuff. I’ve already had a set of towels stolen and thrown away.

Here’s what I’m thinking of doing. My classes are over weeks before I move out. I’ll be living in close proximity to the house, but won’t need anything. Since all the utilities are in my name I’m turning them off as early as possible. No gas, electric, or cable. I’m also going to turn off the temperature to the hot water heater. They’re too lazy to call someone and too stupid to fix it. I also want to subscribe them to a bunch of anti-gay hate magazines, but I don’t know of any. Are there any surprises I could leave in the house or my room that would make their lives a living hell when I leave. I’ve been having these problems since November. That’s five months, so I want them to make sure they have just as bad an experience.
Thanks,
Marcus

Revenge JokerHi Marcus,
It’s a good thing that you’re getting out, sounds like you’ve been living the “Hellish circus life” to me.

Letting someone that isn’t paying rent have a key is one of the worst possible situations I can think of, friend or not. She’s not paying rent. She shouldn’t have a key.

It would have been great if you had a video diary of how these pigs live. I think it would make great YoutTube.com video “watch over days as this barely touched plate of food turns to mold” type of thing. Maybe there is still time in your remaining weeks?

I like the cancelling the utilities part as well, that will force them into a bit more mature behavior. Unless they’re both with bad credit ratings and can’t cover the hookup fees… by moving out you could be sending them to the street too!

Maybe you could find a smoke alarm, cheap, and plant it somewhere where they won’t easily find it and it will go off on them one night, with all the smoke? That would be a hoot…. Just stick it on the wall or ceiling somewhere, they have smoke alarms that just use two-sided tape to stick to the ceiling. Scare the crap out of them and it’ll keep going until they can figure out how to turn it off… priceless.

Change the shower head to a low flow type… they’re cheap enough, just a few dollars…. Do it when they are all out, just say the manager came by and changed the showerhead… and when you leave take it off, add a marble or two to fill up the space in the head and leave them with a barely working shower.

Don’t leave anything in your room that could point directly back to you but maybe go down into the main furnace point and place a hunk of cheese, with these guys penchant for warmth, cranking up the furnace is a sure way to get a cheesy molding smell all over the place. Use a soft cheese for this.

And as a final parting gift, if they have computers, and even jerks can afford one these days, change the power settings for the computer to “hibernate” after 3 minutes inactivity, it’s in the control panel settings under “Power”. It’ll take them a while to figure that out.

And move your stuff out as soon as you have another place, the heck with the month’s rent already being paid, the sooner you’re out of there, the better. Of course though, until your name is off the lease, don’t do anything, you’ll be liable for any costs associated with fixing anything!

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy



Dear Revenge Guy,

I live in a supportive housing apartment where I don’t get to pick my roommates.

We just got a new roommate about a month and a half ago. Ever since he moved in he has been stealing my food. He never buys his own food only steals mine and eats it. I am on disability and am low income and can hardly afford to feed myself let alone another person. What can I do that won’t get me into any legal trouble?
Thanks,
Call me ‘Hungry’

Revenge Joker

Hi Hungry,
I wouldn’t worry about legal trouble if he’s stealing your food.

I’d start labeling your food as YOURS and save some ‘special’ food for him, unlabeled. This good looking food I’d start inserting toothpaste and other such things into. You know what will work best based on what he’s stolen from you in the past.

Let him eat cake with toothpaste icing and whatever else you can think of.
He’ll get the idea not to steal food soon enough.

Is it possible for you to segregate your food and place a hidden camera somewhere to record the theft?

Can you get help from management? I have no doubt that he’s stealing from more people than just you so maybe get everyone else together and start recording what happen to all involved. The police are always a last option once you have enough evidence, then management would be forced to kick him back to where he came from.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy



Dear Revenge Guy,

Recently I have gone through some financial and emotional stress.

It all started when my friend crashed my brand new car, which unfortunately took him a while to pay me back, at the same time I had to use my contingency funds. Thus this put me at a tough spot to pay my rent.

I told my roommates who were supposedly my friends the situation and they said they were ok with it. On top of that, my beloved grandmother had passed away unexpectedly. I thus went home for the weekend, and while I was away, they threw a party. At that part they made photoshopped pictures of me and posted them all over the house during the party.

Obviously this means they aren’t very understanding. I plan on moving out without telling them but I need something that will hurt them all. I see one of them on a regular basis and personally I want to continue the friendship, but I think it’s messed up that while I’m away, they like to make a mockery out of me.

My plan is to move out when none of them are home and stick it to them, by not having anything get to me, I plan on changing my bills and everything to a different address by the end of this week. Is that good enough or do you have anything else to add?

I am so furious that I am thinking violent acts to do my payback but obviously I am just letting my emotions get the best of me. What shall I do? Please help! I want to stick it to them hard and let them be pissed at me because personally I do not care for them anymore. It’s messed up how they make a slander of my name when I am going through such harsh times and I’m trying to get myself out of the situation.
Sincerely,
Moving

Revenge Joker

Hi Moving,
Yes, you’ve planned your move well and Liquid Ass will be what you want to use… on the furniture, on clothes… books… doorknobs, all will work well.

Then I’d start a poster campaign of having people show up at their house looking for a garage sale, looking for a cheap room to rent… just keep a steady crowd of people going their way. Maybe even announce a huge party once in awhile for their house.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy



Dear Revenge Guy,

I have been living in my current apartment for about 6 months and I need revenge on my roommate. He is a bastard and I’m trying to find a new place but in the meantime, I don’t see why I can’t make his life a living hell.

We have a 3 bed 3 bath townhouse with 4 of us living here. We share a 2 car garage between us, and the neighbors. The neighbors don’t have a car. The distance to park and walk is about 4 to 5 minutes from the house.

One of our roommates has his car permanently parked in there because he doesn’t have the registration paid so if he leaves it in the street, it gets ticketed. Before I moved in, Rob, the bastard, claimed to have paid for the space in the garage so I NEVER parked there for five months. When the new roommates moved in, Mike and Allan, they were all the sudden able to park in the garage! I don’t like confrontation so I didn’t say anything to keep peace here.

Since the new roommates started parking in the garage, I started to as well. Well Rob, the bastard, thought he’d come up with a grand plan and start taking the garage opener with him so he closes it when he leaves, and when he arrives, leaving NO space for anyone ever!

My girlfriend hates him more than I do so yesterday he left the opener on the counter. My girlfriend "accidentally" spilled water ALL over it. He found it and looked at me like I did it but I just brushed him off, he didn’t even say anything. Somehow it still works!!! I’ve thought of various things to do to either break the garage or opener or sensors but I cant do something he will know I did. I’ve though about putting tape over the sensors on the garage but its never open! I’m not gonna ask that bastard to park there, instead I’m going to get revenge! Please help me this is driving me NUTS!!!!!! thanks revenge guy!

Revenge JokerDear Jeff,
Check the manufacturer of the garage door opener. They work on a number code set that if radioed to the garage machine that opens and closes the door.
1.Reset the code so it doesn’t match up to the machine
2. Place some thick plastic over the sensor that receives the code so that it doesn’t work.
3. You must have some dope on him. Dig to his darkest secret and call him as if you are a reporter, or a concerned citizen, and question him about this secret of his.
You can change your voice, the caller ID and even record the call for later listening pleasure.
Call him threatening exposure, arrest, late bill fines, whatever will get under his skin and make him sweat.
4. If he really has a crappy car, dump some milk or LiquidAss inside the door panels. Clean up carefully. After the milk dries in a couple of weeks, the stink will be awful.

Go get ‘im!!
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

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