Roommate Revenge

The Revenge Guy
Revenge 3 By
The Revenge Guy


Do you  need advice about a BAD ROOMMATE?

Need to get him off the lease? Get her to stop bring her white trash
boyfriend to stay for days on end?

 Read on… The Revenge Guy can help you!

Not His Maid

Revenge Guy,

I have lived in a 3 bed apartment for about two years with another

About two months ago we had to quickly find a new roommate. I
guess I learned why girls advertise for NO GUYS when looking,
because we found a guy and it has been hell ever since.

Within the first two weeks, he was getting it on with my other
roommate, and one night they had been messing around in her room for
awhile when I came out to the kitchen and the entire place was full
of smoke. Apparently they decided to leave something cooking while
going off to make out for an hour.

When he came out I was opening the doors and fanning the fire
alarm so it wouldn't set off. When he asked what was going on I told
him the place was about to set on fire and he started yelling at me
like it was my fault.

I tried apologizing later (even though he was the one that almost
set the place on fire!) but he said he wouldn't accept it and we
would never be on good terms again.

Well, he's lived up to it.

He is now trying to turn my other roommate against me even though
she and I have never had any problems, and to be honest she is a bit
too dim to see it happening. He's naturally a really angry
person-stomps when he walks around, slams doors whenever he
leaves/enters a room, talks loudly and in your face and always upset
about something.

He also happens to be a personal trainer and buys
"health-conscious" things like "organic" toothpaste.

All of our names are on the lease which is up at the end of
August, but I can't afford to pay the early lease termination fees.

Of course my other roommate would never go for kicking him out
since they are apparently in love (even though he treats her like
crap). All the bills are in my name, and I pretty much own
everything in the apartment.

I'd love for him to just come home to an empty place with no
utilities but I don't want to do that to my other roommate.

There really is just no reasoning with him as I've tried, and she
could never see anything wrong in him.

He does little things that he knows piss me off like locking the
top lock which everyone knows always gets jammed, turns the cable
box off so I miss my ONE recorded show I watch every week, turns the
dishwasher on when I get in the shower, and makes rude comments like
"Oh, did I lock that? Must be my OCD" which is ironic because he's
never cleaned the bathroom he and I are forced to share since he
moved in.

I've tried, and there is honestly no logical reasoning or calm
discussion with this steroid-pumping asshole. What am I supposed to

Not Hi Maid &
Afraid To Piss Off a 6'4" Personal Trainer

Revenge JokerHi
Not His Maid,

Yes, you are in roommate hell. You likely did something very bad in
a previous life… LOL…

I think your nest bet actually is to turn the "dim one" into a
brighter bulb and see what she has in this guy.

Go out with her and talk with her, without his influence I am
sure she'll see your side more clearly.

Re-read your lease. Maybe add a page that he missed reading when
he signed the lease about "roommate rules":
No using water consuming devices when someone is in the shower…
etc, etc.

And I'd also do the same things he is doing to you. Let revenge
be a duplication of what he is doing.

Lock that lock, turn off the TV or better yet, using the parental
controls to lock out the channels he likes to watch.

Do you have anything that records sound, video?
Start a account of
the recordings you can make of him and post them.

Tell him now that you have a place to go to and you need to move
the bills into his name.

Tell him it will raise his credit rating (don't tell him that
it'll save yours if he decides to not pay anything) and see where
that leads to you getting out of the lease early, or at least off
the regular bills for the place.

As for his profession, I am sure he takes on new clients and has
a place where he trains them or he goes to their place.

and set up some phony appointments for him.
He'll never know and he will be out of your hair for a while too, as
he chases down these phony clients.

I hope this helps,

Roommate from Hades

Revenge Guy,

I happened upon your website a few days ago and it's brilliant! The
solutions that you had for bad roommates were ingenious.

I'm in college right now and my roommate (let's call her Lisa)
has been living with me for about a year. We were both on the same
organizations on campus and always on friendly terms, so I didn't
think twice about accepting her to be my roommate. This turned out
to be a HUGE mistake. At first, everything was fine. She has an
unofficial boyfriend/friend with benefits (I'll refer to him as
David) and would have him over every day, but we have separate
rooms, so I was fine with that.

After a few months, I came to the realization that David wasn't
just sleeping over – he had moved in. Lisa was constantly out with
her friends, so she would usually give David her keys (which is
against apartment rules) and he would stay in her room even over
long weekends when she went home to visit her family.

Oh, this is probably a good time to mention that Lisa's a big
slob. She's lazy, has David do her homework for her, and has decided
that she's not interested in getting a job after college, so she'll
live with her parents until someone marries her. I pay all the
bills, buy all the soap, toilet paper, cleaning stuff, etc., and am
the only person who does the chores. Lisa has gone behind David's
back several times with other guys and keeps him around because he
lives nearby and is more "convenient". David doesn't seem to respect
her very much – he's told me on more than 1 occasion that she's lazy
and stupid – but he still stays with her.

The final straw was when David started inviting his own friends
over to party at our apartment. These were strangers and since all
the furniture (couch, chairs, tables, even Lisa's bed) belong to me,
I was quite uneasy about it. When I asked Lisa to stop giving David
her keys, she threw a temper tantrum and ignored me for the next 2
months. The situation got progressively worse. Whenever I tried to
talk to her, she would send me threatening, insults emails. I came
home one day to find feces on one of the rugs. She finally told me
she was moving out, but not before trying to get me to give her
money to do so. She's gone home for the summer and is planning to
come down to our apartment later to move her stuff when her lease
officially ends. However, she met some random guy on craigslist and
decided to give him her keys and let him stay at the apartment till
her lease is up. That's not what angers me the most – I took an
inventory of the stuff in the kitchen and found out that she stole
several things from me.

I feel angered and hurt by how manipulative she is and how much
advantage she's taken of my kindness. I'd like to play a few small
pranks on her to make her move-out a hassle and just give her an
idea of how much stress she's been causing me this whole year. Her
dad's coming up to help her move – she has her parents wrapped
around her little finger, so I don't think they'd believe me if I
told them she's been sleeping around with other guys (they're very
devout Christians). I like your Liquid Ass idea, but there's not
enough time for me to buy it and also, she's crammed most of her
stuff into her room where the random guy is staying, so even if I
had any nasty-smelling liquid, I probably wouldn't be able to use

Revenge Guy, please give me some feedback, I'm running out of
ideas (and time)!

Revenge JokerHi

It's condom time!

Buy a couple of boxes and stash them in everything she owns,
hell, leave some in her bed so they fall out as her parents pack up
her bedding.

Use to leave
a lot of "boyfriend/date" messages on her parents phone, I'm sure
they will be amused. Do that randomly for months.

Do what you can to mess up her stuff, hell, she had a stranger in
her bed and an FWB for months. fake some doctor notes and print
them, stuff them in her drawer chest, maybe test results for various
std's. LOL

Get her!!
Best wishes,

Roommate Revenge

The Revenge Guy
Revenge 2 By
The Revenge Guy

Roommates – has there ever been a better,  worse, way to live?

I think that when you're old enough you move out of your parents
place and move in with a roommate to make the cost less expensive.. then
you learn the error of your ways and you get a place all your own. In
between these moments of moving, you need revenge… this is where RG
comes in!

Revenge Guy,

My Husband and I have to have the world's worse housemate.

We rent the bottom half of a house. We cannot really afford to
move, And we cannot tolerate our Housemate anymore.

Let me tell you about this guy…
He is permanently unemployed, He gets a job every two weeks, works
just long enough to get a paycheck, pays his truck payment, and then

He is a drunk, and spends all of his money on beer. He smells and
has dishes left in 'his half' of the sink that haven't been washed
since 2006. He refuses to shower, and has turned the living room
into his private bedroom (The living room opens up onto the kitchen)
He will not ever buy anything, using our dishsoap, toilet paper,
detergent, etc.

He steals small items of food from us constantly to eat and pawn
(always under a few dollars) when he isn't 'flush' from his most
recent paycheck. He walks around muttering all the time, cusses at
us and at the television, keeps the TV so loud that whenever I cook
dinner I get a headache, and uses one dirty cookie sheet to cook
'instant dinners' when he can afford them, which chokes the whole
house with smoke every time he does.

He smokes, and with the airflow in our house that means we are
smoked out every hour. And he sleeps on the living room floor naked
(nasty). Especially bad when friends come over or we have a pizza
delivered or something.

He is downright mean, and literally will not listen to us when we
ask him to do anything at all, including wash himself or cleaning up
anything of his. No matter if we yell, try to bribe, be polite, or
even talk to his family, he won't change.

The worst part is, his mom owns the house we are living in and
lets him live there rent-free. She refuses to recognize what he is
doing no matter what we tell her, even if we give her proof like
photographs of him naked dead drunk asleep or smoking pot with his

He kept two dogs locked in one of the upstairs bedrooms over a
year ago, one of them starved to death (we couldn't get in to feed
them) and the other the state came and took away, and yet he gets
off scott-free. The police won't pay attention to us, and yet when
we yell he calls them up to come over and threaten us.

The whole house still smells like doggie feces because he has
never cleaned the room and keeps it locked.

There is much, much more that he does, like yelling at our
friends, constantly changing the temperature, peeing on the bathroom
wall and the living room floor when he's drunk, and a million other
things… Since moving is not an option (we cannot afford another
place even if there were someplace to move TO out here)

Is there anything we can do to get him to move out of his
mother's rental house and out of our lives?

Some way to make 'leaving' more attractive than 'staying and
living in his mom's house rent free'?

Revenge JokerHi,

Unfortunately you're living with a freeloading asshole. And he's
caught you, your husband, and his own family in his twisted,
mentally deficient life.

The guy needs medical and psychological help, and now.

What I suggest is talking to the police and the local mental
health department.
Document everything.

He needs help and you need a better life.

Either he goes, carried away by the state because he can't live
like a normal person, or you move.

I strongly suggest that you "invite" local mental health workers
to "hang out" in your house for a while… they will know what, and
how, do get him out and help.

But start saving those pennies, one way or another, there's a
move in your future.

There is a limit to revenge and when the target is mentally
deficient, there just isn't a way to make them understand action and
consequence. What could you do that would be worse that what he does
to himself?

There is no revenge advice here, nothing that will make him move
after all you have told me. Naked pictures, drug use, dead dogs…
face it, you're just watchers over this sick asshole… and his
family, not just this guy himself, are abusing you.
But, he is a risk to himself, and to you, a deadly risk.

Best wishes, RG

Dear Revenge Guy,
I moved in with two people who I thought were my friends in August.

Besides little problems with them eating my food,
it wasn’t too bad.

During finals week my other roommate and I were
trying to pick up the slack of the beginning of the semester and trying
to study.

My other roommate knew about two weeks before that
she would be done with her finals on Tuesday and would be partying.
Knowing that I had finals Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday she said
should would go out somewhere else to drink.

However, that Tuesday night she decided to have a
party. I asked her into my room and nicely asked her to have everyone
out within an hour so I could study and sleep. An hour and fifteen
minutes later I went out into the front room and confronted everyone.

My roommate having the party said that my other
roommate was her "spokesperson" and she was too drunk to talk with me.
My other roommate who was supposed to be studying but decided to party,
told me they would keep the music down. I told him I could hear them
screaming from the other end of the apartment, but he did nothing.

The next morning I wrote them an email telling them
we need to talk. It’s been 2 weeks and I still haven’t heard from them.
I think one of my roommates took off for California leaving my with the
bills to pay. I hope he’ll be back soon since he owes me money.

I want something to pay them back for what they did
besides subletting the room.

Revenge Joker

Hi Angry,
Well, this is going to
be one of those lessons… you want revenge but you need them to pay their
bills first.

Take the high road here, get their money first and
check what the lease is, if you can legally kick them out or what. Maybe
ask your landlord too.

Personally I’d just take the loss and get new
roommates, but you need to know the law here.

As for the revenge, if you know he’ll be moving out, lose some of his
computer wires or something…. Cost him a few bucks replacing something
that “got broken in the move”.

And have a friend call him up after he moves out
saying he’s the landlord and he’s going to be sued for damages down to
the apartment

And be certain the next time that you make the living arrangements and
rules of conduct part of the lease everyone signs.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,

love your website and you have lots of great ideas. I was hoping you’d
be able to give me some advice and inspiration with my horrible
roommates. Here’s what’s going on:

I live with two other guys. I’m straight but my roommates are gay. They
also happen to be the messiest laziest people in the world. They leave
dishes in the sink for weeks that mold over. They only clean them when
there are no clean ones to eat off of, or once they’ve run out of paper
ones. They also jack up the heat to 80 when it’s sixty degrees outside
go it’s a good 90 degrees in the house.

The worst part is that every night they sit in the living room, which is
right underneath of mine, and smoke cigarettes in the house and watch TV
till 2 a.m. My girl friend and I are always in my room trying to sleep
but can’t because of the awful smell and all the noise. We burn incense
to get rid of the smell and play a rain track over my stereo when trying
to sleep. It helps but they’re still annoying.

The other thing is that their friend Sarah, who is this absolutely
disgusting girl is here all the time. She has a key to the door and will
sit and hang out in my house when no one is home. She was keeping her
rabbit here because they don’t allow them in the dorms, and last week it
died because she hasn’t been taking care of it. We tried reporting her
for animal cruelty but none of the agencies will prosecute for rabbit

This girl is in my house every night. She sleeps on the couch at least
three days a week until noon the next day. That is when she’s not
sleeping in my one roommate’s bed when he goes away for the weekend. She
has a fair deal of her stuff here, parks her car in my driveway, and for
a few month’s was the worse of the two roommate’s Jeff’s allowed her to
stay here.

Ok so now I’m getting to the point. Sarah’s car is always in my
driveway. I allow my girlfriend to have my spot in the driveway when we
spend the night here. I have a street parking permit and if you park on
the street without one you get a ticket. So I have one car in the
driveway and then there’s Sarah’s. Whenever someone else wants to have
their car here myself or my girlfriend has to move our cars. We always
refuse to do it. I want to call the cops and have Sarah’s car towed
because she doesn’t live here but then they’ll probably do it right back
to my girlfriend.

About the smoking in the house. I talked to them many times about it and
each time they say they’ll smoke outside. That lasts about an hour. So
I’ve placed six mothballs in the living room to get rid of the smell.
But of course they complain saying "the mothballs hurt my lungs." Maybe
it’s the three packs of cigarettes you smoke? I already tried calling
the landlord but he can’t do anything because it’s not in the lease.

They also want to try to make my girlfriend pay for part of the
utilities because she stays here overnight and showers here sometimes
after we go for a run. This is hypocritical because their friend is here
just as often. And she cooks in the house, takes showers, and uses up
much more power with her TV watching.

I’m moving out at the end of May. Sarah is taking my spot. It was
supposed to be completed back in December but because of their
incompetence has taken until the end of April. I want to make sure I go
out with a bang when they can’t do anything to touch me. Right now I
keep my room door locked with a security hasp when I’m not home so they
don’t do anything to my stuff. I’ve already had a set of towels stolen
and thrown away.

Here’s what I’m thinking of doing. My classes are over weeks before I
move out. I’ll be living in close proximity to the house, but won’t need
anything. Since all the utilities are in my name I’m turning them off as
early as possible. No gas, electric, or cable. I’m also going to turn
off the temperature to the hot water heater. They’re too lazy to call
someone and too stupid to fix it. I also want to subscribe them to a
bunch of anti-gay hate magazines, but I don’t know of any. Are there any
surprises I could leave in the house or my room that would make their
lives a living hell when I leave. I’ve been having these problems since
November. That’s five months, so I want them to make sure they have just
as bad an experience.

Revenge JokerHi

It’s a good
thing that you’re getting out, sounds like you’ve been living the
“Hellish circus life” to me.

Letting someone that isn’t paying rent
have a key is one of the worst possible situations I can think of,
friend or not. She’s not paying rent. She shouldn’t have a key.

It would have been great if you had a
video diary of how these pigs live. I think it would make great video “watch over days as this barely touched plate of food
turns to mold” type of thing. Maybe there is still time in your
remaining weeks?

I like the cancelling the utilities part as well, that will force them
into a bit more mature behavior. Unless they’re both with bad credit
ratings and can’t cover the hookup fees… by moving out you could be
sending them to the street too!

Maybe you could find a smoke alarm, cheap, and plant it somewhere where
they won’t easily find it and it will go off on them one night, with all
the smoke? That would be a hoot…. Just stick it on the wall or ceiling
somewhere, they have smoke alarms that just use two-sided tape to stick
to the ceiling. Scare the crap out of them and it’ll keep going until
they can figure out how to turn it off… priceless.

Change the shower head to a low flow type…
they’re cheap enough, just a few dollars…. Do it when they are all out,
just say the manager came by and changed the showerhead… and when you
leave take it off, add a marble or two to fill up the space in the head
and leave them with a barely working shower.

Don’t leave anything in your room that could point directly back to you
but maybe go down into the main furnace point and place a hunk of
cheese, with these guys penchant for warmth, cranking up the furnace is
a sure way to get a cheesy molding smell all over the place. Use a soft
cheese for this.

And as a final parting gift, if they have
computers, and even jerks can afford one these days, change the power
settings for the computer to “hibernate” after 3 minutes inactivity,
it’s in the control panel settings under “Power”. It’ll take them a
while to figure that out.

And move your stuff out as soon as you have another place, the heck with
the month’s rent already being paid, the sooner you’re out of there, the
better. Of course though, until your name is off the lease, don’t do
anything, you’ll be liable for any costs associated with fixing

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,

I live in a supportive
housing apartment where I don’t get to pick my roommates.

We just got a new roommate about a month
and a half ago. Ever since he moved in he has been stealing my food. He
never buys his own food only steals mine and eats it. I am on disability
and am low income and can hardly afford to feed myself let alone another
person. What can I do that won’t get me into any legal trouble?
Call me ‘Hungry’

Revenge Joker

Hi Hungry,
wouldn’t worry about legal trouble if he’s stealing your food.

I’d start labeling your food as YOURS and
save some ‘special’ food for him, unlabeled. This good looking food I’d
start inserting toothpaste and other such things into. You know what
will work best based on what he’s stolen from you in the past.

Let him eat cake with toothpaste icing and
whatever else you can think of.
He’ll get the idea not to steal food soon enough.

Is it possible for you to segregate your food and place a hidden camera
somewhere to record the theft?

Can you get help from management? I have no doubt that he’s stealing
from more people than just you so maybe get everyone else together and
start recording what happen to all involved. The police are always a
last option once you have enough evidence, then management would be
forced to kick him back to where he came from.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,

Recently I have gone through some financial and
emotional stress.

It all started when my friend crashed my
brand new car, which unfortunately took him a while to pay me back, at
the same time I had to use my contingency funds. Thus this put me at a
tough spot to pay my rent.

I told my roommates who were supposedly my
friends the situation and they said they were ok with it. On top of
that, my beloved grandmother had passed away unexpectedly. I thus went
home for the weekend, and while I was away, they threw a party. At that
part they made photoshopped pictures of me and posted them all over the
house during the party.

Obviously this means they aren’t very
understanding. I plan on moving out without telling them but I need
something that will hurt them all. I see one of them on a regular basis
and personally I want to continue the friendship, but I think it’s
messed up that while I’m away, they like to make a mockery out of me.

My plan is to move out when none of them
are home and stick it to them, by not having anything get to me, I plan
on changing my bills and everything to a different address by the end of
this week. Is that good enough or do you have anything else to add?

I am so furious that I am thinking violent
acts to do my payback but obviously I am just letting my emotions get
the best of me. What shall I do? Please help! I want to stick it to them
hard and let them be pissed at me because personally I do not care for
them anymore. It’s messed up how they make a slander of my name when I
am going through such harsh times and I’m trying to get myself out of
the situation.

Revenge Joker


Yes, you’ve planned your move well and Liquid Ass will be
what you want to use… on the furniture, on clothes… books… doorknobs,
all will work well.

Then I’d start a poster campaign of having people show up at their house
looking for a garage sale, looking for a cheap room to rent… just keep a
steady crowd of people going their way. Maybe even announce a huge party
once in awhile for their house.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,

I have been living in my current apartment for about 6 months and I
need revenge on my roommate. He is a bastard and I’m trying to find
a new place but in the meantime, I don’t see why I can’t make his
life a living hell.

We have a 3 bed 3
bath townhouse with 4 of us living here. We share a 2 car garage
between us, and the neighbors. The neighbors don’t have a car. The
distance to park and walk is about 4 to 5 minutes from the house.

One of our
roommates has his car permanently parked in there because he doesn’t
have the registration paid so if he leaves it in the street, it gets
ticketed. Before I moved in, Rob, the bastard, claimed to have paid
for the space in the garage so I NEVER parked there for five months.
When the new roommates moved in, Mike and Allan, they were all the
sudden able to park in the garage! I don’t like confrontation so I
didn’t say anything to keep peace here.

Since the new
roommates started parking in the garage, I started to as well. Well
Rob, the bastard, thought he’d come up with a grand plan and start
taking the garage opener with him so he closes it when he leaves,
and when he arrives, leaving NO space for anyone ever!

My girlfriend hates
him more than I do so yesterday he left the opener on the counter.
My girlfriend "accidentally" spilled water ALL over it. He found it
and looked at me like I did it but I just brushed him off, he didn’t
even say anything. Somehow it still works!!! I’ve thought of various
things to do to either break the garage or opener or sensors but I
cant do something he will know I did. I’ve though about putting tape
over the sensors on the garage but its never open! I’m not gonna ask
that bastard to park there, instead I’m going to get revenge! Please
help me this is driving me NUTS!!!!!! thanks revenge guy!

Revenge JokerDear

Check the manufacturer of the garage door opener. They
work on a number code set that if radioed to the garage machine that
opens and closes the door.
1.Reset the code so it doesn’t match up to the machine
2. Place some thick plastic over the sensor that receives the code
so that it doesn’t work.
3. You must have some dope on him. Dig to his darkest secret and use to call
him as if you are a reporter, or a concerned citizen, and question
him about this secret of his.
You can change your voice, the caller ID and even record the call
for later listening pleasure.
Call him threatening exposure, arrest, late bill fines, whatever
will get under his skin and make him sweat.
4. If he really has a crappy car, dump some milk or
LiquidAss inside the door
panels. Clean up carefully. After the milk dries in a couple of
weeks, the stink will be awful.

Go get ‘im!!
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

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