Roommate Revenge

The Revenge Guy

Roommates – has there ever been a better,  worse, way to live?

I think that when you're old enough you move out of your parents place and move in with a roommate to make the cost less expensive.. then you learn the error of your ways and you get a place all your own. In between these moments of moving, you need revenge… this is where RG comes in!

Dear Revenge Guy,

My Husband and I have to have the world's worse housemate.

We rent the bottom half of a house. We cannot really afford to move, And we cannot tolerate our Housemate anymore.

Let me tell you about this guy…
He is permanently unemployed, He gets a job every two weeks, works just long enough to get a paycheck, pays his truck payment, and then quits.

He is a drunk, and spends all of his money on beer. He smells and has dishes left in 'his half' of the sink that haven't been washed since 2006. He refuses to shower, and has turned the living room into his private bedroom (The living room opens up onto the kitchen) He will not ever buy anything, using our dishsoap, toilet paper, detergent, etc.

He steals small items of food from us constantly to eat and pawn (always under a few dollars) when he isn't 'flush' from his most recent paycheck. He walks around muttering all the time, cusses at us and at the television, keeps the TV so loud that whenever I cook dinner I get a headache, and uses one dirty cookie sheet to cook 'instant dinners' when he can afford them, which chokes the whole house with smoke every time he does.

He smokes, and with the airflow in our house that means we are smoked out every hour. And he sleeps on the living room floor naked (nasty). Especially bad when friends come over or we have a pizza delivered or something.

He is downright mean, and literally will not listen to us when we ask him to do anything at all, including wash himself or cleaning up anything of his. No matter if we yell, try to bribe, be polite, or even talk to his family, he won't change.

The worst part is, his mom owns the house we are living in and lets him live there rent-free. She refuses to recognize what he is doing no matter what we tell her, even if we give her proof like photographs of him naked dead drunk asleep or smoking pot with his friends.

He kept two dogs locked in one of the upstairs bedrooms over a year ago, one of them starved to death (we couldn't get in to feed them) and the other the state came and took away, and yet he gets off scott-free. The police won't pay attention to us, and yet when we yell he calls them up to come over and threaten us.

The whole house still smells like doggie feces because he has never cleaned the room and keeps it locked.

There is much, much more that he does, like yelling at our friends, constantly changing the temperature, peeing on the bathroom wall and the living room floor when he's drunk, and a million other things… Since moving is not an option (we cannot afford another place even if there were someplace to move TO out here)

Is there anything we can do to get him to move out of his mother's rental house and out of our lives?

Some way to make 'leaving' more attractive than 'staying and living in his mom's house rent free'?

Revenge JokerHi,

Unfortunately you're living with a freeloading asshole. And he's caught you, your husband, and his own family in his twisted, mentally deficient life.

The guy needs medical and psychological help, and now.

What I suggest is talking to the police and the local mental health department.
Document everything.

He needs help and you need a better life.

Either he goes, carried away by the state because he can't live like a normal person, or you move.

I strongly suggest that you "invite" local mental health workers to "hang out" in your house for a while… they will know what, and how, do get him out and help.

But start saving those pennies, one way or another, there's a move in your future.

There is a limit to revenge and when the target is mentally deficient, there just isn't a way to make them understand action and consequence. What could you do that would be worse that what he does to himself?

There is no revenge advice here, nothing that will make him move after all you have told me. Naked pictures, drug use, dead dogs… face it, you're just watchers over this sick asshole… and his family, not just this guy himself, are abusing you.
But, he is a risk to himself, and to you, a deadly risk.

Best wishes, RG

Dear Revenge Guy,
I moved in with two people who I thought were my friends in August.

Besides little problems with them eating my food, it wasn’t too bad.

During finals week my other roommate and I were trying to pick up the slack of the beginning of the semester and trying to study.

My other roommate knew about two weeks before that she would be done with her finals on Tuesday and would be partying. Knowing that I had finals Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday she said should would go out somewhere else to drink.

However, that Tuesday night she decided to have a party. I asked her into my room and nicely asked her to have everyone out within an hour so I could study and sleep. An hour and fifteen minutes later I went out into the front room and confronted everyone.

My roommate having the party said that my other roommate was her "spokesperson" and she was too drunk to talk with me. My other roommate who was supposed to be studying but decided to party, told me they would keep the music down. I told him I could hear them screaming from the other end of the apartment, but he did nothing.

The next morning I wrote them an email telling them we need to talk. It’s been 2 weeks and I still haven’t heard from them. I think one of my roommates took off for California leaving my with the bills to pay. I hope he’ll be back soon since he owes me money.

I want something to pay them back for what they did besides subletting the room.

Revenge Joker

Hi Angry,
Well, this is going to be one of those lessons… you want revenge but you need them to pay their bills first.

Take the high road here, get their money first and check what the lease is, if you can legally kick them out or what. Maybe ask your landlord too.

Personally I’d just take the loss and get new roommates, but you need to know the law here.

As for the revenge, if you know he’ll be moving out, lose some of his computer wires or something…. Cost him a few bucks replacing something that “got broken in the move”.

And have a friend call him up after he moves out saying he’s the landlord and he’s going to be sued for damages down to the apartment

And be certain the next time that you make the living arrangements and rules of conduct part of the lease everyone signs.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,

I love your website and you have lots of great ideas. I was hoping you’d be able to give me some advice and inspiration with my horrible roommates. Here’s what’s going on:

I live with two other guys. I’m straight but my roommates are gay. They also happen to be the messiest laziest people in the world. They leave dishes in the sink for weeks that mold over. They only clean them when there are no clean ones to eat off of, or once they’ve run out of paper ones. They also jack up the heat to 80 when it’s sixty degrees outside go it’s a good 90 degrees in the house.

The worst part is that every night they sit in the living room, which is right underneath of mine, and smoke cigarettes in the house and watch TV till 2 a.m. My girl friend and I are always in my room trying to sleep but can’t because of the awful smell and all the noise. We burn incense to get rid of the smell and play a rain track over my stereo when trying to sleep. It helps but they’re still annoying.

The other thing is that their friend Sarah, who is this absolutely disgusting girl is here all the time. She has a key to the door and will sit and hang out in my house when no one is home. She was keeping her rabbit here because they don’t allow them in the dorms, and last week it died because she hasn’t been taking care of it. We tried reporting her for animal cruelty but none of the agencies will prosecute for rabbit neglect.

This girl is in my house every night. She sleeps on the couch at least three days a week until noon the next day. That is when she’s not sleeping in my one roommate’s bed when he goes away for the weekend. She has a fair deal of her stuff here, parks her car in my driveway, and for a few month’s was the worse of the two roommate’s Jeff’s allowed her to stay here.

Ok so now I’m getting to the point. Sarah’s car is always in my driveway. I allow my girlfriend to have my spot in the driveway when we spend the night here. I have a street parking permit and if you park on the street without one you get a ticket. So I have one car in the driveway and then there’s Sarah’s. Whenever someone else wants to have their car here myself or my girlfriend has to move our cars. We always refuse to do it. I want to call the cops and have Sarah’s car towed because she doesn’t live here but then they’ll probably do it right back to my girlfriend.

About the smoking in the house. I talked to them many times about it and each time they say they’ll smoke outside. That lasts about an hour. So I’ve placed six mothballs in the living room to get rid of the smell. But of course they complain saying "the mothballs hurt my lungs." Maybe it’s the three packs of cigarettes you smoke? I already tried calling the landlord but he can’t do anything because it’s not in the lease.

They also want to try to make my girlfriend pay for part of the utilities because she stays here overnight and showers here sometimes after we go for a run. This is hypocritical because their friend is here just as often. And she cooks in the house, takes showers, and uses up much more power with her TV watching.

I’m moving out at the end of May. Sarah is taking my spot. It was supposed to be completed back in December but because of their incompetence has taken until the end of April. I want to make sure I go out with a bang when they can’t do anything to touch me. Right now I keep my room door locked with a security hasp when I’m not home so they don’t do anything to my stuff. I’ve already had a set of towels stolen and thrown away.

Here’s what I’m thinking of doing. My classes are over weeks before I move out. I’ll be living in close proximity to the house, but won’t need anything. Since all the utilities are in my name I’m turning them off as early as possible. No gas, electric, or cable. I’m also going to turn off the temperature to the hot water heater. They’re too lazy to call someone and too stupid to fix it. I also want to subscribe them to a bunch of anti-gay hate magazines, but I don’t know of any. Are there any surprises I could leave in the house or my room that would make their lives a living hell when I leave. I’ve been having these problems since November. That’s five months, so I want them to make sure they have just as bad an experience.

Revenge JokerHi Marcus,
It’s a good thing that you’re getting out, sounds like you’ve been living the “Hellish circus life” to me.

Letting someone that isn’t paying rent have a key is one of the worst possible situations I can think of, friend or not. She’s not paying rent. She shouldn’t have a key.

It would have been great if you had a video diary of how these pigs live. I think it would make great video “watch over days as this barely touched plate of food turns to mold” type of thing. Maybe there is still time in your remaining weeks?

I like the cancelling the utilities part as well, that will force them into a bit more mature behavior. Unless they’re both with bad credit ratings and can’t cover the hookup fees… by moving out you could be sending them to the street too!

Maybe you could find a smoke alarm, cheap, and plant it somewhere where they won’t easily find it and it will go off on them one night, with all the smoke? That would be a hoot…. Just stick it on the wall or ceiling somewhere, they have smoke alarms that just use two-sided tape to stick to the ceiling. Scare the crap out of them and it’ll keep going until they can figure out how to turn it off… priceless.

Change the shower head to a low flow type… they’re cheap enough, just a few dollars…. Do it when they are all out, just say the manager came by and changed the showerhead… and when you leave take it off, add a marble or two to fill up the space in the head and leave them with a barely working shower.

Don’t leave anything in your room that could point directly back to you but maybe go down into the main furnace point and place a hunk of cheese, with these guys penchant for warmth, cranking up the furnace is a sure way to get a cheesy molding smell all over the place. Use a soft cheese for this.

And as a final parting gift, if they have computers, and even jerks can afford one these days, change the power settings for the computer to “hibernate” after 3 minutes inactivity, it’s in the control panel settings under “Power”. It’ll take them a while to figure that out.

And move your stuff out as soon as you have another place, the heck with the month’s rent already being paid, the sooner you’re out of there, the better. Of course though, until your name is off the lease, don’t do anything, you’ll be liable for any costs associated with fixing anything!

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,

I live in a supportive housing apartment where I don’t get to pick my roommates.

We just got a new roommate about a month and a half ago. Ever since he moved in he has been stealing my food. He never buys his own food only steals mine and eats it. I am on disability and am low income and can hardly afford to feed myself let alone another person. What can I do that won’t get me into any legal trouble?
Call me ‘Hungry’

Revenge Joker

Hi Hungry,
I wouldn’t worry about legal trouble if he’s stealing your food.

I’d start labeling your food as YOURS and save some ‘special’ food for him, unlabeled. This good looking food I’d start inserting toothpaste and other such things into. You know what will work best based on what he’s stolen from you in the past.

Let him eat cake with toothpaste icing and whatever else you can think of.
He’ll get the idea not to steal food soon enough.

Is it possible for you to segregate your food and place a hidden camera somewhere to record the theft?

Can you get help from management? I have no doubt that he’s stealing from more people than just you so maybe get everyone else together and start recording what happen to all involved. The police are always a last option once you have enough evidence, then management would be forced to kick him back to where he came from.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,

Recently I have gone through some financial and emotional stress.

It all started when my friend crashed my brand new car, which unfortunately took him a while to pay me back, at the same time I had to use my contingency funds. Thus this put me at a tough spot to pay my rent.

I told my roommates who were supposedly my friends the situation and they said they were ok with it. On top of that, my beloved grandmother had passed away unexpectedly. I thus went home for the weekend, and while I was away, they threw a party. At that part they made photoshopped pictures of me and posted them all over the house during the party.

Obviously this means they aren’t very understanding. I plan on moving out without telling them but I need something that will hurt them all. I see one of them on a regular basis and personally I want to continue the friendship, but I think it’s messed up that while I’m away, they like to make a mockery out of me.

My plan is to move out when none of them are home and stick it to them, by not having anything get to me, I plan on changing my bills and everything to a different address by the end of this week. Is that good enough or do you have anything else to add?

I am so furious that I am thinking violent acts to do my payback but obviously I am just letting my emotions get the best of me. What shall I do? Please help! I want to stick it to them hard and let them be pissed at me because personally I do not care for them anymore. It’s messed up how they make a slander of my name when I am going through such harsh times and I’m trying to get myself out of the situation.

Revenge Joker

Hi Moving,
Yes, you’ve planned your move well and Liquid Ass will be what you want to use… on the furniture, on clothes… books… doorknobs, all will work well.

Then I’d start a poster campaign of having people show up at their house looking for a garage sale, looking for a cheap room to rent… just keep a steady crowd of people going their way. Maybe even announce a huge party once in awhile for their house.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,

I have been living in my current apartment for about 6 months and I need revenge on my roommate. He is a bastard and I’m trying to find a new place but in the meantime, I don’t see why I can’t make his life a living hell.

We have a 3 bed 3 bath townhouse with 4 of us living here. We share a 2 car garage between us, and the neighbors. The neighbors don’t have a car. The distance to park and walk is about 4 to 5 minutes from the house.

One of our roommates has his car permanently parked in there because he doesn’t have the registration paid so if he leaves it in the street, it gets ticketed. Before I moved in, Rob, the bastard, claimed to have paid for the space in the garage so I NEVER parked there for five months. When the new roommates moved in, Mike and Allan, they were all the sudden able to park in the garage! I don’t like confrontation so I didn’t say anything to keep peace here.

Since the new roommates started parking in the garage, I started to as well. Well Rob, the bastard, thought he’d come up with a grand plan and start taking the garage opener with him so he closes it when he leaves, and when he arrives, leaving NO space for anyone ever!

My girlfriend hates him more than I do so yesterday he left the opener on the counter. My girlfriend "accidentally" spilled water ALL over it. He found it and looked at me like I did it but I just brushed him off, he didn’t even say anything. Somehow it still works!!! I’ve thought of various things to do to either break the garage or opener or sensors but I cant do something he will know I did. I’ve though about putting tape over the sensors on the garage but its never open! I’m not gonna ask that bastard to park there, instead I’m going to get revenge! Please help me this is driving me NUTS!!!!!! thanks revenge guy!

Revenge JokerDear Jeff,
Check the manufacturer of the garage door opener. They work on a number code set that if radioed to the garage machine that opens and closes the door.
1.Reset the code so it doesn’t match up to the machine
2. Place some thick plastic over the sensor that receives the code so that it doesn’t work.
3. You must have some dope on him. Dig to his darkest secret and call him as if you are a reporter, or a concerned citizen, and question him about this secret of his.
You can change your voice, the caller ID and even record the call for later listening pleasure.
Call him threatening exposure, arrest, late bill fines, whatever will get under his skin and make him sweat.
4. If he really has a crappy car, dump some milk or LiquidAss inside the door panels. Clean up carefully. After the milk dries in a couple of weeks, the stink will be awful.

Go get ‘im!!
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Neighbors: You Can’t Choose Them!

The Revenge Guy

I love new neighbors… you treat them nice and they try to fuck up your lives after that… So let's GET EVEN!


My Neighbor Is Destroying My Property

Dear Revenge Guy,

We have really enjoyed reading your posts in the past but this is not your ordinary lover simple answer!

We have a challenging situation and may even be a bit difficult to answer!

Our neighbor who moved into a horse community neighborhood was able to secure a license to have a Cabinet Business next door to our home!

The county approved him 'even after he was found to have been in operation 8 years without a business license and illegally enlarged a building, had a spray booth without proper ventilation, had over 15 fire code violations, had big diesel trucks next to our driveway and forklifts beeping shaking our home & windows and scaring our livestock so they would run.

This man has 5 acres and he has spent so much time and been at our property line continually and provoked and caused so many problems that we have pictures and documented that the Court Judge with our documentation and pictures has enforced an anti-harassment order.

This neighbor has also created a ditch with a culvert in the wooded area of wetlands and made a ditch and has drained water/ gray water/ toxic chemicals/ in a tube and ran it under ground into our property ( We had a culvert on top of our property and it has disappeared now under the ground. Our Giant Evergreens 75 + feet high have lost most of their full foliage turned brown dying, (his side only) and he has chopped the limbs off on one side (his side) sticking the limbs cut into our fence as trophies and has been moving our fence line in on our property.

The county said they cant see the underground tank he put in to drain the water into our pasture that has been over 5 feet high and has flooded our barn. So they cant make him dig it up.

Now we are up 500 feet up a hill, no flooding here but he has taken his wetlands and drained them into our property, drying his and flooding ours.

We called EPA and conservation and we are waiting.

By the way the last business was also a cabinet business shut down there because of illegal dumping chemicals.

This guy is an arrogant and intimidates and yells over the fence and runs when ready to confront!

We bought this place because it was completely private years before he showed up. He has tried to ruin our privacy we lost several animals due to questionable circumstances, all these animals were healthy and young.

We are very good pet owners having been 4H sponsors and leaders. This guy moved into a farm neighborhood and has no pets and doesn't like them. Here is a picture of the drain area with spiked logs.

How would you go about removing such a scourge like this (the person scourge) now picture your child running after a pet with his open gate open all the time and tripping on this spiked speared logs and falling on these?
Now you know how we feel!

You're right, this is a hard one to answer.

A man's property is sacrosanct but this guy has definitely crossed the line hugely.

There should be some older property lines/allotment property values stored by the county for the property as it was when first registered. Maybe there is the information you need to prove all that this guy has done. I'd look into the old county records carefully.

You've done right to document all that he has done, maybe the local conservation groups can get involved to help you fight this guy and the destruction he has caused. Make some enquiries.

Look for a lawyer to help you in a property fight over the damage he has done as well… if you don't find a lawyer right away, bide your time and keep documenting what is happening, you will find one sooner or later. Pictures, video, and a journal.

Talk to newspapers too… this might make a good local story.

Usually guys like this are only pushed into another place by heavy attention, make that happen, even if it means you start slowly with a website and an online journal.

Are there other neighbors that this guy is also offending and destroying property? If he has other neighbors talk to them, if not, look at who owns that land opposite him and talk to the owners or county about that property and if there are any records about it's state of being.

I wish I had some real revenge that would make this guy move away instantly, but these types thrive on being the bully, so I don't think he'd easily be tricked into a situation that would automatically make him forfeit his land.
But you might have more input here than I.

I have published your story here and the photo that you sent me.

Maybe this will help to shine some light on the situation.
Best wishes,

Creepy Neighbor Next Door

Dear Revenge Guy,

I need help with a horrible neighbor.

I bought my 1.5 acre lot about 4 years ago. The neighbor had lived on his lot for about 8 years, and I guess was the first one in the area. So he thinks he can dictate to you what you are going to do with your property.

First, he started sneaking over and looking in the windows with the excuse that he was "checking up on me".. I made it clear he needed to stop. Then he told me I couldn't put up a fence because he uses my yard to walk across to the next door neighbors. We put up the fence and he threw a fit.

Then he told us we couldn't plant trees. We live in Arizona, and his point was water preservation. I pointed out to him that his (eyesore) yard has citrus trees all over, which are not native, and we were planning on planting Mesquite trees which require little water.

He is "christian" and plays his talk radio Rush Limbaugh and Christian Network the loudest he can, so we usually turn on our Country music and point the radio his direction. Well, apparently this antagonized him. He told my son (10 years old) that we were going to burn in hell and that the world was going to end. I told him to keep his religious beliefs to himself.

Where we live we can burn brush as long as it's not a bonfire. He burns himself. We were burning one day and he told my son we were idiots, so I told my son not to play at his house anymore. Then he called the sheriff the day after we burned and told them we were burning furniture! of course, the complaint was dropped because it wasn't furniture and the sheriff could see that.

So I decided to call the county, because he has a second mobile home on his lot, he got a permit and called it a "shed" but I wanted to see if it could be removed because it's full of pack rats, rattlesnakes and woodpeckers, as well as a hive of bees.

This set him off and he confronted me telling me he was going to call the DOT on us. We have 4 cars, but all are registered and licensed, so not sure what his basis is. Then said he was going to call the county for everything and anything we do.

We recently got permits to build two porches. He stands at the property line and just stares. when we left, he told the guy that was leveling the area for the porch that he was creating too much dust. Then he filed a complaint with the county that we were grading without a permit. It was hardly grading. It was leveling the area for the porch.

My husband was in the yard today digging holes to plant trees, and the neighbor stood on his porch just staring. He's creepy and I want him to get the message that he's messing with the wrong girl without inflaming the situation and making it worse. After he filed the grading complaint he has kept his radio low, he must have found out from the county that he couldn't do that.

We are going to build a shed to block his view of our porch, and plant some oleanders along the property line, but I would just love to do something else.
What is your advise,
Burned in Arizona

 Hi Burned,
When he watches set up a video camera to record him.
Be obvious about it.

When your shed is up attach some fake plastic surveillance cameras to it, to "watch" the property line now that it is out of view.

Add a couple of lights that are on timers that you can set to go on and off all night long… let him "see the light" before you burn in hell…LOL
Sorry, couldn't resist that one.

Document everything, I see this being a long battle with him so you need to keep him on a short leash by recording everything he does, complains about and threatens you with. Goodness only knows what goes on inside his household, keep your son out of there!

And for the heck of it, post some "yard sale" signs around town so that people can come and visit with him every few weeks or so.

Best wishes,

Adult Group Home Neighbors and White Trash Landlord

Hello Revenge Guy,
I would like to get even with the man who owns the house next to ours.

When we first moved in 8 years ago, the house seemed pleasant enough – we were told that it was a rental and met the owner.

After our first few months of being in the house, things changed.

The owner put in a second driveway where he parks his landscaping business equipment and supplies which have attracted rats. He has completely let the yard on the property go and we found out that he is renting to an unlicensed adult family home. The employees of this home are rude and consistently block our driveway access. They do not supervise the clients of the home and we’ve had to deal with clients vomiting in the yard, running screaming and yelling in the streets and the police and fire departments being called to the home on a regular basis.

Complaints to the city about his landscaping equipment (he’s violating a city ordinance by parking his trucks on the property) and the Department of Health (about the lack of supervision at the home) have gotten us nowhere and were thinking that it’s a lost cause and we should just sell.

Meanwhile, the property owner is unresponsive to our complaints.

We found out that he lives in a nice little house overlooking the ocean – we know that his neighbors would be mortified to have to live next door to what we’ve been dealing with.

I’ve thought about taking photos of this eyesore with a description of what’s been going on and mailing them anonymously to his neighbors to let them know what a “gem” of a guy this jerk is. Got any better ideas?
Pissed Off

Hi Pissed Off,
It's nice to have shitty neighbors, eh? Especially shitty landlord neighbors that rent to crappy people and just don't care.

First off, report this "adult home" to any and all agencies you can think of. Federal, state, municipal, police, local councilman, all of them. Talk to the newspapers too.

Take pictures, get the name of the place and create a Facebook or MySpace page for them. record some videos and create a account to post them. use the guy's real name and his neighbors will find out about his absentee landlord practices.

Take pictures and post them on fences, trees, poles, bulletin boards, everywhere and title the page "Is this how you want to live?", put a picture of the home under that, and the guy's name and address and phone number under that.
Let him squirm and open his neighbors eyes up!

Mail them to the above federal/state/local agencies too.

Hell, email me a picture and I'll post it here:

Pictures page

( I created this page on my site after reading your email, so send
me a pic and some details, ok?)

Embarrass the fuck out of this guy…. that's the only way to get revenge because when a guy doesn't care about his landlord duties the only thing that gets under his skin is what his friends/neighbors think of him and that the law might crack down on him.

So get to work, start posting the pics, videos, all of it!

"Trespassing, Complaining About My Dogs" Jackhole Neighbor

Dear Revenge Guy,
I'm in a desperate situation. My neighbors have finally crossed the line from obnoxious to full-out war. And they have the law on their side. But let me start at the beginning.

We have lived next to them for what, 13 years perhaps. Throughout that time they have committed egregious acts, but we have generally looked the other way in favor of friendship.

For instance, years ago they had a sleepover. They had tents in the yards and the kids had all their friends over. They were up giggling and running around all night, and we didn't call the police.

They came into our yard and cut the lower branches off of a tree, unwanted. We said nothing.

They came into our yard and threw chlorine tablets into our pool, unwanted. We said nothing.

He attacked our gutters, unwanted. We said nothing.

At 7AM they are up hammering on the roof or building a stupid little shed. They had a ladder so well-positioned that they could see into a high window in my mother's room. They did wake me up at least once. (We did eventually call the police once, but for some reason it is legal between the hours of 7AM and 11PM)

But recently we got another dog. Unfortunately she barks a lot. She's still young though. We let her out for a short period of time, and yes, she makes noise. But this is where these jackholes cross the line.

The first came when the police came to our house. Apparently the jackhole next door called… because they were outside IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY. It isn't like we leave her out overnight. But apparently "his son was trying to relax".

The other day he claimed he saw the dog kill a bird. He said that he had called the police and that they were sending someone over this Tuesday. This did not happen. Needless to say, we also never found evidence to confirm this unlikelihood. The dog wasn't even out very long, once again.

But today was the last straw. The dogs were out once again in the middle of the day for a short time, and they called the police. This officer was a real douche, and I wish I could get revenge on him too. He made up a bunch of lies, and then he wrote my sister a misdemeanor, who was completely innocent. My mom wasn't home, so how cowardly of them. I only let the dogs out once all day, and in that short time he called the police. Coward. He doesn't have the balls to come over and talk to us.

Sadly the law on "barking and howling" dogs is written in stone – it grants the officer so much discretion that we can't fight it. Despite another pig abusing his power and the neighbor making up a crock to get them out here.

This is the price we pay for being nice people. Well, enough's enough. I will go to any length to destroy this man. The only reason we can think of that he's become such a grouch lately is because he's out of work at the moment. Plus he hates us because we have what is to him too many animals, and our house isn't perfectly neat like his is.

Unfortunately, we never had security cameras, so we can't take him to court on trespassing, and there's no way we'd win a harassment charge. Like I said the law is on their side. I've been mulling ways to get back at him since he first called the police like last year, but now it must happen. It's on. We were never out to harm anyone. Our little, broken family always went out of it's way to be good, and we always let ourselves get walked over. This is the last straw. I will do all I can to mete out the justice that society would deny me. It's no wonder his kids have problems.

So I need some really viable options to protect my family from this maniac, preferably by putting him in his place once and for all.

Hi Bullied,
I feel your pain.
I have three dogs (municipal law says I can only have two), and dogs bark.
And neighbors complain.

So, what I have set up is the Lentek Bark Free ultrasonic training device that emits an ultrasonic sound so they dogs know that if they bark they get buzzed, when there's no barking there's no buzzing.

So, this trains the dogs, all is good on my side.

Plus, there is an audible setting so that when the dogs bark there is a second buzzing noise that tells me the Bark Free has sounded to remind the dogs to stop barking.

The neighbors hate the buzzing as much as the dogs do, but I don't care, I tell the cop I'm doing what I can, he walks away, no ticket.

Now that that is settled, you need to start a journal of what the hell this guy and his family are doing.

Write down everything. Take video and pictures of your place monthly, detailing changes that have happened.

Get a security system, it's only a couple of hundred, less that a lawyer… which you'll need after catching this guy trespassing anyways.

You could use a service to call him up and say you're from local law enforcement and need to talk to him about some trespassing charges… let him stew on that. Give him a verbal warning.

Talk to your other neighbors, surely you're not his only target. Neighborhood bullies attack all they see. Get the details, form a committee against this asshole.

Aim a telescope at his window, let him feel he's being watched. I bet a friend has one they aren't using anymore so you can just borrow it for a couple of weeks.

Yes, building noise is allowed during 7am to 11pm in most places…. but what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Rent a jackhammer or something and let it rip right at 7am.

Or mow your lawn…. race your engine… something. And do it regular like clockwork, same time and same day of the week for a couple of months.

You have to MAKE justice in this world… the guy/group with the loudest voice always wins because so few people stand up for themselves or what is right. Look at low voter turnout for proof of this concept.

I could go on with more stuff to do, but protection against this creep comes first, don't you agree?
Best wishes,

My Neighbor Is A Thief!

Dear Revenge Guy,
I have this neighbour, and he's a complete asshole…

While we're outside, we can hear him shouting and yelling out the door and at us even for being too loud.

He complains that our dog ruins his lawn, even though he takes fertilizer for our lawn and uses it to plant his own trees.

I'd like to get revenge on him for being so loud and stealing fertilizer from us.

Hi R,
If the guy is intent on stealing your stuff for his lawn, why not give him a real treat?

In your next bag of fertilizer put in the bottom of it some ground beef, bacon drippings, whatever you wouldn’t put into a composter. Add some tampons and pads after they’ve been sprinkled with ketchup.

And just in case he’s had enough fertilizer use a bag of premium top soil to get his attention.

And as an added bonus, include a letter saying that “You have stolen this bag of XXX from us and we now have the proof. If you ever harass us again the police will be called and we will prosecute you.”

That should do it.

Best wishes,

Delirious From Lack Of Sleep

Hello Revenge God!

I need MAJOR help. My neighbors suck!

Let me preface by saying that I am generally very laid back, a
partier myself, but this is just way tooo much. I live in an
apartment community and My upstairs neighbors are extremely loud —
all day and night.

It is not the normal noise of someone above you. They sit on their
balcony all day during the day (I work from home) screaming over the
balcony throwing their cigarette buts off onto the grass and things
end up landing on my balcony.

They smoke pot that comes into my apartment.

They are fat and truck through their apartment like they are damn doing gymnastics up there, which I know they are not (please see the fat comment and sitting on their balcony all day long!).

The girl sits on her cell phone again on the balcony so the entire neighborhood can hear her conversation. And they are doing this from about 10 am until 2 am almost every day, depending on the day.

I think they are students and that is why they don't care. I mean I will be in my apartment and I can hear them pull up in their raggedy car and enter the building up the stairs that is how loud they are, thump thump thump up the stairwell, which is not even next to my apartment and we live in a VERY nice EXPENSIVE apartment community — it is not a lower income area or place that you would expect this.

So.. what have I done thus far?

I have complained to the leasing office on 8 separate occasions, including the pot smoking and noise.

The problem with the pot, is you can't really catch them in the act b/c by the time someone comes, they are done with the joint. I have made two different police calls for noise complaints.

Sometimes it is not late enough for me to call the cops, if they are being this ridiculous during the day, I am not sure I can complain about the noise. My apartment complex says "they deny all actions" — which OF COURSE THEY DO! Wouldn't you?

So they say there is nothing they can do. Of course they don't want to evict someone in this economy right?

I have a lease until March and for my sanity and lack of sleep I am getting, I need to do something! I want them out out out! What can I do? Please help!

Delirious from no sleep!


You need to start a journal right now and detail everything they do. Dates, times, witnesses, calls you make.

Get a copy of your lease (I'm sure it's the same type the upstairs assholes would have signed) and read it for what violates the lease. Management companies don't really like to kick anyone out, but if you can prove they should be, then they'll likely act then.

Talk with your neighbors, I'm sure you're not the only one mad at these idiots, and having more than one person/apartment complaining together will make them act much more quickly to get them out.

Video tape words wonders, if you don't have a camera to capture sound and scene, then borrow one form a friend or buy one. This will make much more convincing proof of the actions of the pigs upstairs.

With all of the above start a complete war on getting them evicted.

It will take some work, but you can do it!

You're not going to scare them out, pigs like this don't mind sitting in their own slop.

And for immediate revenge, when they are out:

  • Spray their front door with liquid ass, spray their car door handless too.
  • Fill a large manila envelope (8.5 x 11 or larger) with a cup of confetti, add the confetti and squeeze the envelope so that it has a pocket of air, slide the open end of the envelope under their door and press down, shooting the confetti into their place.
  • Start a website (use and select the "private registration" option, no one will know it's you) and tell crude things about them, using their real names… let them live with internet stink on their reputations for the rest of their lives (use a public computer when doing this, never use your home or office computer in case they can track the IP address)
  • push wooden toothpicks into their locks and break them off
  • follow them shopping and report them to store security as possible shoplifters
  • post ads in local places about a room for rent, cheap, and help wanted, top dollar jobs, and add their phone number to it. For extra credit, say it's a night shift job and only call after 2:00am)

This should get you started, right?

Good luck!

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