Neighbors Can Be Vandals and Thieves

The Revenge Guy

Moving into a great neighborhood doesn't always guarantee friendly neighbors, or nice neighbors or even people that just ignore you.

More often than not, you're going to have a neighbor that will do everything in his/her power to destroy the tranquil life you had so hoped for.

Here's a few stories of getting even.

Dear Revenge Guy,

I’m so glad I found this site. I have a real dilemma on my hands. My parents just recently bought this house (which is technically part of a condo) a couple towns over from where we used to live. It was my parents dream to own a house instead of paying rent for the rest of their lives. Though the area isn’t ideal, it is great house and we are happy in our new home.

This has been soured, however, by the neighbors who live right next to us. These drunken assholes have been nothing but nasty to us since we moved in. I believe it started when we took down their dog run that was attached to our deck. The previous owner didn’t mind, but we did. The day that we moved in the woman came outside and yelled at a friend of the family who was helping us move in. Needless to say, they have been completely out of control since we moved in.

The guy has a Harley that he revs up at all hours of the day, sometimes at ten at night and six in the morning, when we are trying to sleep. The woman who is apparently his girlfriend is just a bitch. Today, they were yelling, and calling me names completely unprovoked. They referred to me as "Fat F–k" as I was leaving to do some errands, and they almost ran over my dog with the motorcycle when we were out for a walk. This is absolutely the last straw.

They went from mild nuisances, to total assholes pretty quickly. If I did to them what I have in mind right now, I would be in prison. I am LIVID right now, and I really need some way to get back at them. If you have any suggestions, then I would really appreciate it.

We aren’t bad people. We just want to live in peace!
Thanks for your time,

Revenge Joker

Hi Hank,
The answer here is threefold:

First off you need to video what is going on and journal all the events that happen to you and your family from these out-of-control neighbors. When you have evidence of possibly criminal behavior contact the police.

Two: You need to have a look at the rules for the condo. Most condo’s because they have common areas that are governed by a condo or strata council have rules, or bylaws, that all owners and tenants have to follow.
Brush up on these rules and bylaws. If possible get yourself elected to the strata council. Change the rules of residency and get after the bad effects of these neighbors.
You can do it!

Get them legally, they won’t even see it coming!

Three: get some noxious substance (Liquid Ass is my favorite right now) and spray some on their bike if at all possible you can get to it without being seen. let them smell ass for a while!
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,
We have this guy in our apartment complex who ALWAY takes up two parking spots and I get off late at night and get home about 3am and can’t find a damn parking spot because of this twatwaffle.

The tow company won’t tow him because he’s got the parking sticker and lives here, I’ve complained to the office but that seems to never work.

I’m ready to slash all his tires. His car isn’t even new it’s a 1992 pontiac grand prix 4 door! wtf is so damn special about that, that he needs two damn spots?? It’s not going to save it from the keyed up marks he’s about ready to get. So besides all the obvious destroying of the car and beating him like he owes me money what else could I do?

Revenge Joker

The key here is to get him taken care of without being caught as the culprit.
You’ve got to wait a couple of weeks, avoid confrontations. Let this settle down.

Have you spoken with the apartment managers?
Taken photos to them of this bad parking?
Do you know that if a parking place is included in your lease and the manager doesn’t make sure you have access to one, 24 hours a day, you can withhold your rent?

You should check this with a lawyer or your local government office, but it’s a pretty universal thing.

Now then, the goals here are to:
1. Educate this guy about parking, and
2. Get your revenge.
These things should work together somehow, agreed?

Get yourself a fake “Tow-away” sign or “No Parking” sign and a stick.
When “too stupid to stay within the lines” is parked in two spots, pull out your sign and stick, stick it in the ground in front of his car and call the tow truck.
This works, trust me! As an alternative, get yourself some Liquid Ass ( and generously spay this stuff on the door handles of his car. He’ll love the smell for several hours. Hehe.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,

I have these neighbors who live behind me a couple of houses down, they keep stealing from me and the cops can do anything about it, (or won’t), either way, I have had it.

It’s taking everything I have to keep from going over there to kick someone’s ass. It’s teenage boys who live with their mother, who condones this crap. We have had problems for years, about 6 or 7 years ago this kid stole my sons bike and we found it in the thief’s friend’s backyard right behind us.

We don’t have a fence so I know this contributes to my problem, but it still doesn’t give these chumps the right to steal from me.

So we called the cops then, got the bike back, and things seemed to calm down. The kid eventually went to juvy for 3 years because he progressed to stealing cars, the family moved away, then recently moved back into the neighborhood within the last year.

My kids pass by their backyard to go to and from their bus stop so they see into these peoples backyard everyday. A few months ago, my son comes home and says "Mom, my bike is in this dudes backyard", so I didn’t call the cops this time, because they never help us out with the neighborhood thieves or vandalism we deal with, it feels like we are on our own.

So my son and I go over there, I jump their fence and take the bike back. Later that night my husband and I went and confronted them about it, the mom just adamantly defended her perfect little children, like my kids bike rode itself over there and put itself in her backyard.

So a couple of weeks ago my son comes home and says "Mom, your garden tool is in their backyard now", I didn’t go get it back because I wasn’t sure how to handle this, because now I am just totally pissed off and don’t want to screw myself legally. I realize it’s a miniscule item but its the principal of the matter. So my husband called the cops yesterday, I bought the tool at a swap meet so I really have no way of proving its mine. It’s all bent up and used and my husband told the cop that, I saw it and it is clearly my tool. So the mom tells the cop, no it’s hers she bought it at Home Depot, she will look for her receipt to prove it.

Come on!!! She knows its mine, I know it’s mine, her thieving sons know its mine. It was in my yard one day, the next day one shows up in their yard, they live in a rocky landscaped backyard, I have a garden in my yard, it just looks bad on their part.

But the cops can’t do anything its their word against ours. The cop says we need to engrave all of our stuff, which I am going to do. I am going to engrave my name into my bike and a few other things (in inconspicuous places) and leave them out there to try and set them up. They can’t seem to control themselves from stealing from us, so I think it will work, but it’s a matter of time I’m sure.

After we pissed them off yesterday by sending the cops to their house, they kept looking over the fence at me and my kids, I told my kids if these people talk to you ignore them because we don’t talk to thieving bastards, they heard me say that and sent the cops to MY house like I am a criminal, can you believe this!

That just pissed me off even more. Then later last night I am outside on the phone and three of the kids jump their neighbors fence and were watching me, like crouched down, it was weird like they were going to do something, so I yelled at them, "Go ahead and keep watching me, you guys steal from me and treat me like I’M the ones who’s wrong!" They ran when I said that, I was worried so I kept watch out my backyard all night, they didn’t come over here.

So clearly I need to take matters into my own hands. We don’t live in that great of a neighborhood, but my next door neighbor, he’s a stand-up guy, he has had problems with these people too, but none of us can prove that its these little bastards doing any of this stuff that keeps going on.

One of the kids shot a moving car with a bb gun from my good neighbor’s house, but of course we can’t prove it. So my stand-up neighbor had to pay for the damages to the car. I figured out it was them when I confronted their mom about my kids stolen bike when I found a coffee can full of bbs and bb holes on their front porch soon after the incident occurred.

We have been robbed and vandalized numerous times, we had a quad stolen out of my yard, my kids Kettcar go cart was stolen, I can’t prove its them but I know it is.

We don’t have a lot of money so I can’t afford to build a fence right now, I can’t afford surveillance. My son wants to set booby traps, lol, that’s great but not too practical I don’t think. We raked my yard last night to see any footprints that might be left, so I will keep doing that. I know I pissed them off so I know they will be back to do something, I just don’t know when. So I found your site and wanted some good sweet revenge advice, please help,
Pissed Off

Revenge Joker

Dear Pissed Off,
I think that you’re in a bad situation and need to make it better.
First off, outdoor surveillance is only a few hundred dollars. Do it! Even if you only have one camera and a couple fake ones.

Do the engraving…. And if you hit some second hand stores what I’d do is look for something that’s cheap that the kids might want to steal. Mark it with some invisible paint. Let them have that all over them… the cops will love it.

Get all your neighbors together to discuss these problem neighbors and kids. You’ll find better solutions if you’re together as a group. It’s a great reason to share a beer or a cup of coffee with your neighbors too.

Start a journal, every neighbor, detailing what’s going on. Write down incidents, times, witnesses, everything. The police will reply on this when it happens again.

Do these people rent the home? Is there a landlord to talk to about the house damage?

Your sweet revenge is really catching them in the act and having the police, and other neighbors, watch them very carefully.
Protect what you have.
Raking the yard is a good idea, so is watering it. Any treatment that will show footprints.

I would worry that this is just becoming a game with kids and parents that just don’t care what might happen.

Get everyone together. You may even have a civil case and sue them. Read your city bylaws…. Even the threat of a lawsuit might wake the idiotic mother up to what her kids are doing.

And, as far as what to do, if you can I’d start spreading bird seed in their rocky back yard… let them deal with a yard full of birds and cats… Just throw some over into their yard every few nights. Give them some pets to play with.

I hope this helps,
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,

My bastard neighbors put up chimes for the sole purpose of annoying me.

They stuck two large ones on the side of the house next to mine.

What can I do? I am not interested in escalating this to a noise war because I hate loud noise, but am open to any advice.
Thanks, Anon.

Revenge Joker

Dear Anon,
What I really would do is get a can of aerosol glue and spray it at the wind chimes when they aren’t home.
It’ll still be hanging but now should be all glued up and not chiming.

If it’s hanging by a string I’d try to get to it and partially cut it through, but still hanging. A few gusts of wind should take it down and hopefully they’ll be too lazy to get it fixed.

Either that or fake a call to them being the local bylaw office, saying that they have a noise complaint and have 72 hours to comply with taking down the chime or face a city hall fine.

Or just for the heck of it start dropping some bird seed on the other side of their house, let them have some new noise just for themselves!

I hope I’ve helped!
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,

I saw your website and figured I’d give it a try…. here’s the story….

Back in 2003 my family and I moved into a new house, my dad who owned an heating and a/c company passed away 2 weeks later suddenly.

Now the problem began when we had the two company vehicles, my car, my mom’s car and my dad’s personal truck and no space to put these vehicles. So for a temporary time until spring came I had to park 2 vehicles on the road, now mind you, at the time houses were still being built and there were big piles of dirt and rock and constructions vehicles as well left on our road during the night.

But our neighbor
across the street this old guy who doesn’t work kept calling the city on me and they’d keep towing my cars away almost on a nightly basis. I ended up running out of money after paying so much to get them out, and ended up losing my dad’s personal truck (worth $30,000 at the time) and a company vehicle with all our tools in it (worth about $35,000) because the towing company said they don’t hold on to the vehicles for more then a month.

I let it go… I lost our business went broke and let it go anyways… now, 2 years later I get a letter in attached to the door saying I have to move my 2 vehicles off my driveway or make them operable (I no longer park anything on the road…. and the two vehicles being referred to are our cars that are not being used at the moment but are both 2002 models so they’re not an eyesore) because the old man complained about that now.

I really want to
beat the sh-t out of this guy… but I can’t because I will get in trouble, what can I do? Any ideas? I just want to torture the fucker… I park my car out on the road during legal hours of the day just to piss him off now, but I need more.
Peeved Son

Revenge JokerHi Peeved Son,
I’m really sorry for what you’ve gone through. Is he giving other neighbors the same hassles or just targeting you?

Have you thought of a lawyer and filing harassment charges of some type?

Can you cover the cars, put minimum insurance on them? Get plates?

As far as revenge it’s hard to say what to do. You didn’t tell me much about him.

But you can do the standby’s that are on my site:
Litter his yard with dry cat food when he’s asleep, let him be attacked by all the cat’s in the neighborhood;

Sprinkle pellet fertilizer on his yard spelling out “JERK”. The next time he waters he’ll get a semi-permanent surprise;

Make up some “For Rent” posters and leave them around town , cheap rent at his place. Let him deal with these visitors. You can also do early morning yard sales, car for sale, anything. Make a poster a month and keep him busy. You’ll get to laugh a lot at him.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,
The other day I was driving into a cul-de-sac that my cousin lives on (who lives around the corner from me).

I, for the record, was driving within or below the speed limit. My cell phone rang, it was my daughter so I answered it. This old man on the corner motioned to me so I rolled my window down and he told me to get off the damn phone and drive. I was shocked!!

I was not doing anything wrong. When I told him that it was my daughter and I needed to answer it he screamed something at me and I told him to get a life. He then told me to stick it up my ass.

I was so unnerved I went home and cried. I can’t believe a total stranger would be so cruel. I know that being on the phone when driving is a pet peeve for some people, but it is legal where I live and like I said, I was driving slow almost stopped.

This man does not know who I was and that I live around the corner from him. He walks his dog everyday and I have said hi to him before, but even then he wasn’t very friendly.

I want revenge. What do you suggest.

Dear Anonymous,
Really, what this guy needs is a return ticket to reality. But are you sure you want to be the one?

If yes, then read on, otherwise just delete this email right now.

You know where the old guy walks his dog. He doesn’t know you.

I’d start timing his walks, knowing where and when he’ll be someplace, then start leaving stuff in slightly hidden places for the dog to sniff and find.

Small wrapped bits of catnip, dog food in wet tissue paper, things that will make the dog out of control while he’s walking the dog.
And take pictures of him too, or video with your phone/camera, wrestling with his dog, trying to keep him under control.

Then post the video to YouTube or somewhere.
Share it. You’ll at least have the last laugh.

Let this old guy lose control over something he cares about, then he’ll have more to worry about than just bugging people as they drive.
Best Wishes, The Revenge Guy

Neighbors and Family Close and Far Can Be Awful

The Revenge Guy

Getting even with bad neighbors is a tough fight… it can take years… so document everything… every little word, action and slight. – RG

Some people live in far away places, far from the city noise… you know, a nice place in the country. I have come to the conclusion that such a place just doesn't exist outside of romantic novels and movies where the ending is always happy. If you're planning on moving into the countryside, do yourself this favor: invite your neighbors over at least once a year, for a BBQ or nice indoor meal.

You can choose who you're dating, you can even kick out your drunken brother-in-law but you can't just move your house to a different place. You can move and leave your nice quiet country home behind you or you can be kind to your neighbors in case a dispute ever starts to appear. Words of wisdom, trust me.

Hi Revenge Guy,

I need some help getting revenge on one side of my family. They live mostly in Florida, (I know their addresses) and I live in China now.

Last February, my mother died and I am an only child. Her sisters were informed that she was ill and went to her house. While she was in the hospital, they stole her belongings, forged checks and barely visited her in the hospital. They also did not inform me that she was ill and did not have a memorial service, and omitted my name from her obituary and wrote misinformation in it so I could not find it. This was so that they would inherit her money.

I’ve just about finished dealing with all the legal issues around this and I have kept quiet while lawyers were involved.

So far, I’ve thought about prosecuting them for the forged checks and sending funeral flower arrangements to their house with cards that express my disgust.

I cannot let this go unanswered and I want to send a message that lets them know my feelings. If I could find a way to have my mother’s ghost ‘haunt’ them, that would be ideal.

Let me know what your thoughts are and if you’re aware of how florists deal with these kinds of things. I don’t mind spending money on multiple arrangements.
-Ignored Bereaver

Revenge JokerHi Bereaver,
With the distance involved it’s hard to exactly get revenge, but certainly letting them know of your disgust is something I’d do.

I would place a memorial ad in their local newspaper. Write highly of your loving mother and add some detail about how her only child was treated by her sisters at a time of deep sorrow.
Write of your pain and feelings of being left out at the time of your mother’s passing and subsequent events.

Call tem to let them know that a memorial ad was placed so they can read it.

That should get you even in an open and heartfelt way.

Dear Revenge Guy,

I need help getting back at two teenage boys, former friends of my sons, who have been terrorizing me for the past 18 months.

They break into my house about once a month and steal things and trash the house.

I lock the doors, they get onto the sun porch roof and crawl in through a window. I install window alarms and they break the basement door.

They have stolen the pillows and blankets off of my bed, two guitars, a dvd player, a computer, food, jewelry, dvd's, money in excess of a thousand dollars… they even stole my cell phone and when someone found it and returned it to me, one of the burglars had taken a picture of the other burglar on the phone!!!

The police aren't doing anything…. I finally got them to lift prints from my window, but they didn't call the numbers the thieves called with my stolen cell phone, they didn't take a sample of the blood from my floor when the burglars cut themselves smashing the double pane glass in my kitchen door, and they did very little to investigate the burglaries and vandalism.

What can I do around the house to piss them off if they come back?

Little "Home Alone" type nasty tricks to annoy them if they return? Something to make them sticky or discolored or leave their eyes watering or cover them in tar and feathers….any advice is appreciated.

Revenge JokerHi Charon,
Get some hidden video surveillance installed. That will be the proof that the police need.

Go to the police again and talk to someone higher up. This harassment needs to end and now!

I’m not sure about setting “traps” in your house, that could be construed as intent to injure and really cost you in the end… the burglars could sue you!

I would hire a security guard to “babysit” the house the next time you’re gone… did these punks only break in when they know you’re gone for a couple of days or is it when you go out shopping?

Let the guard take care of them…

Maybe you could find some of those store clothing security tags that blow up when opened outside the store? Putting them on your stuff will help.
And get all your property engraved and photographed.

Protect yourself first!

That being said… why not leave some tasty treats for them…. rotten meat dressed up nicely as a sandwich for them to steal and eat… and any other morsels, like a candy box of chocolate that has laxative injected into the creamy center.

Maybe buy an old broken DVD player, etch it with your identification tags and when they steal that, then throw it out because it doesn't work, you'll have anew set of prints for the police.

And talk to your other neighbors. This is a great opportunity to start a neighborhood watch group, I'm sure you're not the only victim from these teenage rascals/burglars.
Good Luck!

Dear Revenge Guy,
I have a jackass that lives above me in my coop building. His heifer girlfriend just moved in and it’s nothing but HELL now. She stomps around like she’s in a marching band. Despite the nice note I put under their door, she still goes at it.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t own the coop; my roommate does and he would rather not complain. We are losing sleep, we can’t relax after work. Just now I had to bang on the ceiling because they’re dropping things up there.

I want to at least make her cry – and move the f-ck out.
Suffering in NYC

Revenge JokerDear Suffering,
I think the best thing to do is make the apartment manager aware of the amount of noise you get without having to be a complainer to them all the time.
Invite him/her over for an afternoon coffee. Talk with them, get to know the managers and when they are over they’ll here the cow upstairs.
Once the noise becomes a reality for them they should act on it.

As for real revenge, I think that I would become a pest to her.
Break toothpicks in her door lock. Wipe the door handle with Vaseline, stuff like that. Not done too often, you don’t want to be caught as the one doing it.

And talk to your other neighbors, see if they also have the noise issues. A gang always gets more attention to a problem than a single person.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,
I write to you because I am at my wits end. I have lived in a split row house (what they call an apartment in the northeast) for almost 4 years now with the same upstairs neighbor.

Shortly after moving in he came to the door and demanded that my wife (I was away at work, he rarely confronted me) turn off whatever it is she just turned on. She wasn’t sure what the hell he was talking about so she thought he was talking about a light; he agreed this must be it and literally screamed at her to turn it off. At this point she was pretty freaked out and shut the door in his face. When I came home she told me of the incidence and I went up to his apartment to find out just what the hell this crazy a-hole was thinking. Turns out that something had been interfering with the AM radio ever since we moved into the house. So I explained to him that harassing my wife was not necessary nor acceptable and that I would be glad to help him find the cause of the distortion. After some experimenting I found out that the cause was my computers power supply, it was a cheap nokia and even when powered off when plugged into the wall it emitted some nasty noise across the AM band. Now I supplement my income online so just turning off the computer was not an option for me and a new power supply was just not an expense that I could afford at the time. Again, I went to his house and explained to him what I discovered was the problem and he demanded that I turn the computer off immediately (not even a suggestion or in a nice tone, like it was owed to him). I tried to compromise with him by offering to only turn the computer on during the hours of 5pm to 9pm. He said this wasn’t acceptable and I was simply done dealing with him. It only gets better from here.

About a month later I receive a letter in the mail informing me that he is accusing me of criminal charges and I needed to appear in court. While waiting for the court date to arrive he continued to harass my wife (in a subtle way so that they cops could do nothing about it) so that she did not even want to go outside with our daughter to play; afraid that he would come down and put her down and tell her how badly I’m going to lose in court, etc. The court date comes and just as I already knew the magistrate threw out the case and essentially told the guy that I am doing absolutely nothing illegal.

So, he felt that he needed to get revenge. He started blasting music and the TV at all hours of the night and day in order to annoy us. This went on for months, every time I would call the cops to complain (by the way, he called the cops on me to lying that I had my music on). The cops would come, tell him to knock it off or they were going to put him in the county jail yet they never did anything substantial. After a period of time he finally got bored with this type of revenge and he was quiet for a while.

Now he finds any way he can to jab me and my family (my mother and late-grandmother live/d next door). He would call the housing authority on my grand-mother because she has a bird feeder out and it attracts rodents (even though my entire back yard is littered with bird seed that falls from his windows). All last summer we had a mini sunflower growing near his mailbox (which is positioned right above our garden) he saw fit to break off every new flower that grew every time he came to get his mail. Just recently we had a snow storm in the northeast and it dumped about 18" of snow. My wife and I truly felt sorry for him (he’s disabled from a spinal injury although he is capable) when we saw him shoveling a path way to the road so he could take a cab to the grocery store. While he was away I took my snowblower and plowed his path and even dug out his garbage can so he could get it out on garbage day and it wouldn’t freeze to the ground in coming weeks. As you can imagine no good deed goes unpunished. In the process of moving all this snow I needed some place to put it and I had two choices, heft it all the way across the property or place it right in front of his car which is an antique, completely covered and never used in the winter (all four years I have lived here, he only brings it out in the spring and summer). Needless to say he complained to the town and they threatened to fine me if I did not move it because it impeded his access. so I went out and spent an entire day shoveling a 8 foot high pile of snow from the front of his car to the back of the property.

The straw that broke the camels back was what he had the nerve to do after this. Two days ago I received a thank you note in the mail (notice he put it through the mail system when I live right next door). I will write it verbatim so you can sense the sneering sarcasm in it…

"Thank You,
For removing that big pile of snow that mysteriously appeared in front of my car and for doing the path for the mailman and to my door even if it was just for your cable man (coincidentally the cable guy came over two days later to upgrade the lines throughout the house).
I’ve got serious spine and knew problems that prevent me from doing much. (except working underneath his car all summer)
I’ll take the "Fuck You" written on the snow on my car (which I wish I had done but apparently this guy pisses a lot of people off) as your general attitude and accept it from were it comes."

This is what made my blood boil. After putting up with this guy’s crap for so long, so graciously and with such long suffering I am finally done. I want to get revenge and not just a one time revenge, I want to legally make his life as miserable as he has made mine. I certainly don’t want to do anything malicious as at the end of the day he still is an old man who is very sad (in many ways) and I generally like to turn the other cheek but I just can’t stand it anymore.

Help please,
Fed Up.

Revenge Joker

Dear Fed Up,
First, save the letter and document every interaction you and your wife have with this sad old man. Get records from the police about every call, every incident, every visit.

He’s obviously in a bad way and is looking for any excitement, any complaints, to brighten his day. And ruin someone else’s.

Every little complaint gives him some sort of twisted pleasure, but you need to live your life despite his complaints and interfering. This is why you need a written record of everything that is going on involving him.

Also, I suggest getting together with your neighbors and see who else is pissed at this guy. Get a list of names and complaints/events that they have also had to endure from him. I’m sure you’ll need this type of evidence sooner or later.

Then, once you’ve done what I’ve suggested already, it’s time to add to the old man’s life a little excitement.
Put up posters listing his car for sale. Should be easy enough to print out and place around town. You can have a good laugh as he deals with people coming to his door for a couple of weeks wanting to buy his car.

Send him letters that he’s won some sort of draw, that he’s invited to some high-paying survey group. Anything that will get him out of the house, having to travel a while to pick up his winnings, and to participate in a consumer survey group and make a lot of easy money. These are also easy enough to create, print out and mail.

You get the general idea.

And to cover your tracks, keep your happy face on and enjoy your revenge
in silence.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,
I live next door to a school that doesn’t allow parking between 7 to 9am during the weekdays or when school is in session.

I don’t have a garage parking spot in my complex so I am forced to park on the residential streets.

Since I leave for work around 9:30am, the only place I can find to park is a block and a half past the school in front of some guy’s house. It is in a residential neighborhood but there aren’t any parking permits required or any signs of restricted parking. I park in front of his house because there is a street lamp that makes me feel that I can safely leave my car there because the area is so well lit.

Well, the problem started when he came out in the middle of the night, after I returned home from work, and complained about the fact that I park in front of his house every night.

I sometimes drive my girlfriend’s car so on occasion I leave my car parked in front of his house a few days at a time. On weekends I move my truck ’cause parking in front of the school is allowed.

So recently, someone has been throwing dirt on my truck’s front window.

The other day I got a note that read, "Stop parking your car in front of our homes!!!" – 91st St. homeowners." This morning I came out to move my car, but wasn’t able to because I had a flat.

Now, that flat was not there when I checked my truck at 12:30am this morning and when I left for work at 9:30am there was a flat! I suspect that the guy whose house I park in front of is doing these things to my car, I mean, you don’t mess with a man’s car!!! what should I do revenge guy?

Revenge JokerHi Annoyed,
Short of getting a hidden camera for your car to catch this guy damaging your car (which I do suggest you do!), and an alarm to let you know when someone is messing with your vehicle, you’re going to have to find a new place to park.

And a call to the police to report what you suspect he did to your car would be a good idea too. And city hall!

Of course you could always get a "police shield" sticker for your car. Make your car look like a public official vehicle. Then get the guy’s phone number (or better get someone pretending to be a public official, to talk with this guy) about someone vandalizing this official car.

Maybe make him sweat a little.

People become very protective of the property in front of their homes, they forget that it’s public property. You may be forced to move your truck to a new neighborhood. But I’d go with alarms and surveillance, if possible.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,
I have a neighbor that insists in shooting illegal fireworks over my back yard fence on a nightly basis. My neighbors and I have made several calls to the local PD, with no luck. Then by shear luck the "genius" was lighting a mortar round in the middle of the street on the 4th of July at the same time an undercover cop came around the corner. Well, he received a $1000.00 fine. Whoo Hoo.

Unfortunately that is not the end of the story, just the beginning. He found out from the PD who the reporting persons were on his numerous complaints. I have found nails and screws in my tires, and this morning a potato in my tail pipe.

How can I make this guy’s life as miserable as he is making mine? Obviously anonymity is the key here, as he is vengeful.
Thank you,

Revenge JokerHi Revenger,
First off, I’d get an outdoor security camera and try to catch this guy in the act of doing something to you or your property.
When faced with someone acting like this, being ignorant of neighbors then striking after them, it’s time to hit the ant with a 12 ton sledgehammer.

I always believe in killing a fly with a baseball bat!

I’d also have a video camera handy to capture anything else he may do, whatever it could be. Video evidence goes a long way and you’ll never know if you’ll need it. A camera will work well for the things you find him doing or suspect him doing as well.

Now that he’s been fined and his idiotic actions are a matter of public record, I’d let your city council know of the danger he presents, and the local fire department too.

Once you have the evidence piling up, a restraining order and possibly complaints of illegal trespass are in order. Maybe even civil suits for damages. Make the guy’s live a legal living hell.

As for being anonymous, really you’re the main suspect, so I wouldn’t worry to much about that. He’s going to suspect you anyways, so anonymous revenge here isn’t the key, bold protective moves are.

I once had a neighboring family, with a couple of teenagers, living across the street from me. The parents would go away every weekend and the kids would have large parties with dozens of their friends showing up, and the party always spilling into the street late at night. And teens fighting, drinking, smoking dope wasn’t my idea of a good night’s sleep.

Calling the cops didn’t end the troubles, so I pulled out my video camera and taped them a few times. I made copies and gave them to my neighbors, the police and the teen’s parents. That ended the trouble.

I was also worried that the kids would vandalize my property but I left the camera running out my front window (you know, the little red light always flashing showing it’s recording) and everything was fine.

Be bold and unafraid.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,
I hope you have a suggestion for me for revenge on my neighbor?

I own 2 one acre lots in a country subdivision, I’ve been here over 17 years. Anyway, here’s my situation: I dug a 10 foot by 8 foot deep hole for burning over 10 years ago.

My new neighbor just bought the 5 acres behind me, and the one acre lot alongside my other empty acre, I plant vegetables on part of that empty acre. (where the burn hole is located).

He put his mobile home within 100 feet of my burn hole. He had all of his pine trees (over 350) cut down months ago, and dug a hole on his 5 acres behind me to burn all the limbs and such. I didn’t complain once about all the ashes, that landed in my pool, on our cars, house, windows, etc. not to mention the smoke we put up with for weeks while he was burning.

Last week I had all the pine trees (over 100) on my lots cut down, and proceeded to burn my branches in my burn pit. This S.O.B. called the Forest rangers on me, and said it was too much smoke and too close to their house, (100 feet away).

I got mad and told the ranger the hole was there 10 years before their mobile home, let them move their mobile home (he laughed). The Ranger asked "Did you Tee these people off somehow? They seem to be against you?"

I’ve never even talked to them. Luckily the neighbor on the other side of us is an OK neighbor and said to the ranger that I can burn it near his acre lot without any problems, (except digging another huge hole to burn this stuff, and carrying it all over to my other acre).

These S.O.B. neighbors are from a well to do area neighborhood near a large city, you know on small lots (less than a quarter acre) and apparently don’t realize they live in the country now (probably kicked out of that neighborhood for being buttholes).

Now they are dumped on me. I’m 52 and I’ve had 2 minor strokes, blind in one eye, and I’m a bit limited to physical endurances, but I do what I can.

The S.O.B. neighbor yelled and screamed the other day he was gonna kick my old white hillbilly butt and a couple other choice threatening colorful words thrown in. I’m no hillbilly I was born in Buffalo New York, did 2 tours in the US Navy, and consider myself very well educated.

And I’m pretty sure I could still hold my own if attacked.

That’s not the problem, I’m sure the law could help out if needed, I just want to educate this OJ wanna be about living in the country and getting along with your neighbors, and that he doesn’t own the neighborhood.

It was suggested getting 5 pigs and installing a pen next to my fence near his house, other neighbors suggested that, and by the covenants its legal to do, but he’d probably kill the pigs on me. I thought about getting a few 5 gallon buckets of dead fish, put them in at ground level and cover them with screen and grass for a fragrant evening aroma for him and his wife to enjoy in their nice country settings. If you have any other/ better suggestions for revenge, Please let me know…
Mr. Tee Doff


Revenge JokerHi
Mr. Tee Doff,

I have to admit, I really hate city-folk that move into the country without understanding country life.

First off:
Document everything, the threats, the words, anything he says to you. Keep a journal, I have a feeling you’ll need it.

Buttholes like this usually think that they know the law but in reality the don’t know squat. Big words and little brains.

You live your life, don’t make any changes.

Of course, if you have the strength I really like the idea of the five pigs. Let them learn what country living is all about. A long, hot, stinky summer.

I’d save some wood burning for special occasions too. When the wind is blowing right, burn a little bit every now and then. Just enough for a few minutes discomfort on their side.

You could also start throwing some bird feed pellets over towards their mobile home. Let the birds have some free food and target practice on their mobile home. Maybe that will inspire them to move it after a few needed washings.

And for the heck of it, place some ‘fake’ surveillance cameras around your property. Just out of reach of the property line, of course. Maybe on some poles you put up.

Let them think that you’re watching everything and everybody.
Give them a bit of a spook. City-folk hate that, that’s why they move to the ‘quiet countryside’.

As far as educating them, maybe get a copy of the local farming bylaws and have it sent to them. Anonymously or by your lawyer.
Give them some thoughtful reading.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,
Another stupid neighbor issue. These jerks have made my life living hell for the past year. I am moving in a week and I want to make sure I make them just as miserable. I’ve resorted to complaining to the PD, the association blah blah blah and nothing. The cops don’t show up and if they do, it’s HOURS later. Nice.

It’s a townhouse with about 10 people who live in it on the tax payers
dime. All hours of the day and night they have their car stereos blasting. The dirty ass kids are continually playing basketball in the street directly across from my driveway and won’t move when I come home. If there is a car in my driveway they bounce the ball off it. When I have the blinds open, they shine some red light into my windows. A laser pen or something else. They’ve turned the neighborhood into a ghetto, so for all I know its a laser scope on a gun. Yeah I know but hey you can never be too careful. I live alone, and I’m the only white female left in the neighborhood.

I’ve bitched and they retaliate. Very vengeful. I need to do something that’s just going to royally ruin their day. I thought about the grass killer but they are the type who apparently hide from the law, so they are CONTINUALLY peeping out their blinds. So that would be tough but after a few beers, I think I can work it if need be.

Any suggestions or ideas? I’d hate to leave here quietly :)

Revenge JokerHi Helen,
Dealing with the “Griswold’s” as I like to call such people, isn’t easy.
But they give me a job, hehe.

So, this is what you do:
A couple of days before moving day, start searching your local cheap/used furniture stores and find yourself a nice, cheap couch or large chair.

Have your movers pick it up on their way over to your place on moving day. If you don’t have movers, pick it up yourself but only on moving day.

The day before moving day go to the grocery store and buy 2 pounds of stewing beef or some other cheap meat that’s cut into pieces. And some really cheap plastic sandwich baggies, the type that use twist ties to close.

Now, we all know that the Griswold’s always are in need of furniture. And you, being the “friendly neighbor” have no room in your new place for your old sofa/chair/whatever. So you offer it to your neighbors, free of charge, just before you’re ready to leave that horrid neighborhood forever.

After all, it won’t fit in your new place and there’s no sense in paying the movers to dump it, right?

Of course, the meat that you’ve cleverly stuffed deep into the sofa ( a great way is to go through the bottom of the sofa) in ever-so-fragile plastic baggies, should start rotting away in 7 to 10 days. And the smell should last a lot longer if they ever figure it out.

Your revenge will be complete.
Just don’t leave a forwarding address or anything with your name on it behind.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

The Party People

Dear Revenge Guy,

I have been dealing with a bad neighbor for over two years now.

I live in a townhome that was just recently converted into condos last month. My problems with the neighbor in the unit next to mine originated in the month of October 2009. It all started after they moved in and begin with "very loud" music that could be heard and felt through my wall and floors. They also have a loud stereo system in their car!

I immediately called the superintendant at the time and informed them of the problem. That stopped it for awhile..

After that it became a game of "cat and mouse". My neighbor had parties all the time and the music never stopped. After making several phone calls to the super, eventually I was told that I was on my own and would have to call either the police or bylaw enforcement.

The problem with that is that most of the noise happens on the weekends and "bylaw enforcement" only works Monday thru Friday. Besides that, I've called both police and bylaw enforcement, they never show up, ever.

I work nights 6 days a week, so I need to get some sleep to be able to function for work.

Believe me, I've tried to confront this person and ask them to "turn it down". All I got for my troubles was an attitude!

After putting up with this crap for 2 years, I finally had no choice but to give notice and move out of this place. But I'm not going out quietly!

I think it's time to send a message to people like this who feel the need to disturb everyone around them. I want "payback". This guy needs to be taught a lesson.

Please Revenge Guy, help me end my misery.

Revenge JokerHi War&peace,
You have their address, start posting "Party invites" online and in local gathering places, let them deal with hundreds of unwanted party guests!

And if this happens the next time, you're not the only neighbor that is put out. Talk to these neighbors, complain to the superintendent, or whoever is in charge, maybe the condo strata council. Take turns calling the police, have a journal to write down date and times (and witnesses) of these party disturbances. Use a video camera to gather evidence of this unruly behavior.

Fight, fight, fight!
Best wishes,

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