The Revenge Guy
To Fight Bad Neighbors From
The Revenge Guy

Getting even with bad neighbors is a tough fight… it can take
years… so document everything… every little word, action and slight.
– RG

Some people live in far away places, far from the city noise… you
know, a nice place in the country. I have come to the conclusion that
such a place just doesn't exist outside of romantic novels and movies
where the ending is always happy. If you're planning on moving into the
countryside, do yourself this favor: invite your neighbors over at least
once a year, for a BBQ or nice indoor meal.

You can choose who you're dating, you can even kick out your drunken
brother-in-law but you can't just move your house to a different place.
You can move and leave your nice quiet country home behind you or you
can be kind to your neighbors in case a dispute ever starts to appear.
Words of wisdom, trust me.

Revenge Guy,

I need some help getting revenge on one side of my family. They live mostly in Florida, (I know their addresses) and I live in China now.

Last February, my mother died and I am an only child. Her sisters were informed that she was ill and went to her house. While she was in the hospital, they stole her belongings, forged checks and barely visited her in the hospital. They also did not inform me that she was ill and did not have a memorial service, and omitted my name from her obituary and wrote misinformation in it so I could not find it. This was so that they would inherit her money.

I’ve just about finished dealing with all the legal issues around this and I have kept quiet while lawyers were involved.

So far, I’ve thought about prosecuting them for the forged checks and sending funeral flower arrangements to their house with cards that express my disgust.

I cannot let this go unanswered and I want to send a message that lets them know my feelings. If I could find a way to have my mother’s ghost ‘haunt’ them, that would be ideal.

Let me know what your thoughts are and if you’re aware of how florists deal with these kinds of things. I don’t mind spending money on multiple arrangements.
-Ignored Bereaver

Revenge JokerHi

With the distance involved it’s hard to exactly get revenge, but certainly letting them know of your disgust is something I’d do.

I would place a memorial ad in their local newspaper. Write highly of your loving mother and add some detail about how her only child was treated by her sisters at a time of deep sorrow.
Write of your pain and feelings of being left out at the time of your mother’s passing and subsequent events.

Call tem to let them know that a memorial ad was placed so they can read it.

That should get you even in an open and heartfelt way.

Revenge Guy,

I need help getting back at two teenage boys, former friends of my sons,
who have been terrorizing me for the past 18 months.

They break into my house about once a month and steal things and
trash the house.

I lock the doors, they get onto the sun porch roof and crawl in
through a window. I install window alarms and they break the
basement door.

They have stolen the pillows and blankets off of my bed, two
guitars, a dvd player, a computer, food, jewelry, dvd's, money in
excess of a thousand dollars… they even stole my cell phone and
when someone found it and returned it to me, one of the burglars had
taken a picture of the other burglar on the phone!!!

The police aren't doing anything…. I finally got them to lift
prints from my window, but they didn't call the numbers the thieves
called with my stolen cell phone, they didn't take a sample of the
blood from my floor when the burglars cut themselves smashing the
double pane glass in my kitchen door, and they did very little to
investigate the burglaries and vandalism.

What can I do around the house to piss them off if they come back?

Little "Home Alone" type nasty tricks to annoy them if they return?
Something to make them sticky or discolored or leave their eyes
watering or cover them in tar and feathers….any advice is

Revenge JokerHi
Get some hidden video surveillance installed. That will be
the proof that the police need.

Go to the police again and talk to someone higher up. This
harassment needs to end and now!

I’m not sure about setting “traps” in your house, that could be
construed as intent to injure and really cost you in the end… the
burglars could sue you!

I would hire a security guard to “babysit” the house the next time
you’re gone… did these punks only break in when they know you’re
gone for a couple of days or is it when you go out shopping?

Let the guard take care of them…

Maybe you could find some of those store clothing security tags that
blow up when opened outside the store? Putting them on your stuff
will help.
And get all your property engraved and photographed.

Protect yourself first!

That being said… why not leave some tasty treats for them….
rotten meat dressed up nicely as a sandwich for them to steal and
eat… and any other morsels, like a candy box of chocolate that has
laxative injected into the creamy center.

Maybe buy an old broken DVD player, etch it with your identification
tags and when they steal that, then throw it out because it doesn't
work, you'll have anew set of prints for the police.

And talk to your other neighbors. This is a great opportunity to
start a neighborhood watch group, I'm sure you're not the only
victim from these teenage rascals/burglars.
Good Luck!

Revenge Guy,

I have a jackass that lives above me in my coop
building. His heifer girlfriend just moved in and it’s nothing but HELL
now. She stomps around like she’s in a marching band. Despite the nice
note I put under their door, she still goes at it.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t own the coop; my roommate does and he
would rather not complain. We are losing sleep, we can’t relax after
work. Just now I had to bang on the ceiling because they’re dropping
things up there.

I want to at least make her cry – and move the f-ck out.
Suffering in NYC

Revenge JokerDear

I think the best thing to do is make the apartment
manager aware of the amount of noise you get without having to be a
complainer to them all the time.
Invite him/her over for an afternoon coffee. Talk with them, get to know
the managers and when they are over they’ll here the cow upstairs.
Once the noise becomes a reality for them they should act on it.

As for real revenge, I think that I would become a pest to her.
Break toothpicks in her door lock. Wipe the door handle with Vaseline,
stuff like that. Not done too often, you don’t want to be caught as the
one doing it.

And talk to your other neighbors, see if they also have the noise
issues. A gang always gets more attention to a problem than a single

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,

I write to you because I am at my wits end. I
have lived in a split row house (what they call an apartment in the
northeast) for almost 4 years now with the same upstairs neighbor.

Shortly after moving in he came to the
door and demanded that my wife (I was away at work, he rarely confronted
me) turn off whatever it is she just turned on. She wasn’t sure what the
hell he was talking about so she thought he was talking about a light;
he agreed this must be it and literally screamed at her to turn it off.
At this point she was pretty freaked out and shut the door in his face.
When I came home she told me of the incidence and I went up to his
apartment to find out just what the hell this crazy a-hole was thinking.
Turns out that something had been interfering with the AM radio ever
since we moved into the house. So I explained to him that harassing my
wife was not necessary nor acceptable and that I would be glad to help
him find the cause of the distortion. After some experimenting I found
out that the cause was my computers power supply, it was a cheap nokia
and even when powered off when plugged into the wall it emitted some
nasty noise across the AM band. Now I supplement my income online so
just turning off the computer was not an option for me and a new power
supply was just not an expense that I could afford at the time. Again, I
went to his house and explained to him what I discovered was the problem
and he demanded that I turn the computer off immediately (not even a
suggestion or in a nice tone, like it was owed to him). I tried to
compromise with him by offering to only turn the computer on during the
hours of 5pm to 9pm. He said this wasn’t acceptable and I was simply
done dealing with him. It only gets better from here.

About a month later I receive a letter in the mail informing me that he
is accusing me of criminal charges and I needed to appear in court.
While waiting for the court date to arrive he continued to harass my
wife (in a subtle way so that they cops could do nothing about it) so
that she did not even want to go outside with our daughter to play;
afraid that he would come down and put her down and tell her how badly
I’m going to lose in court, etc. The court date comes and just as I
already knew the magistrate threw out the case and essentially told the
guy that I am doing absolutely nothing illegal.

So, he felt that he needed to get revenge. He started blasting music and
the TV at all hours of the night and day in order to annoy us. This went
on for months, every time I would call the cops to complain (by the way,
he called the cops on me to lying that I had my music on). The cops
would come, tell him to knock it off or they were going to put him in
the county jail yet they never did anything substantial. After a period
of time he finally got bored with this type of revenge and he was quiet
for a while.

Now he finds any way he can to jab me and my family (my mother and
late-grandmother live/d next door). He would call the housing authority
on my grand-mother because she has a bird feeder out and it attracts
rodents (even though my entire back yard is littered with bird seed that
falls from his windows). All last summer we had a mini sunflower growing
near his mailbox (which is positioned right above our garden) he saw fit
to break off every new flower that grew every time he came to get his
mail. Just recently we had a snow storm in the northeast and it dumped
about 18" of snow. My wife and I truly felt sorry for him (he’s disabled
from a spinal injury although he is capable) when we saw him shoveling a
path way to the road so he could take a cab to the grocery store. While
he was away I took my snowblower and plowed his path and even dug out
his garbage can so he could get it out on garbage day and it wouldn’t
freeze to the ground in coming weeks. As you can imagine no good deed
goes unpunished. In the process of moving all this snow I needed some
place to put it and I had two choices, heft it all the way across the
property or place it right in front of his car which is an antique,
completely covered and never used in the winter (all four years I have
lived here, he only brings it out in the spring and summer). Needless to
say he complained to the town and they threatened to fine me if I did
not move it because it impeded his access. so I went out and spent an
entire day shoveling a 8 foot high pile of snow from the front of his
car to the back of the property.

The straw that broke the camels back was what he had the nerve to do
after this. Two days ago I received a thank you note in the mail (notice
he put it through the mail system when I live right next door). I will
write it verbatim so you can sense the sneering sarcasm in it…

"Thank You,
For removing that big pile of snow that mysteriously appeared in front
of my car and for doing the path for the mailman and to my door even if
it was just for your cable man (coincidentally the cable guy came over
two days later to upgrade the lines throughout the house).
I’ve got serious spine and knew problems that prevent me from doing
much. (except working underneath his car all summer)
I’ll take the "Fuck You" written on the snow on my car (which I wish I
had done but apparently this guy pisses a lot of people off) as your
general attitude and accept it from were it comes."

This is what made my blood boil. After putting up with this guy’s crap
for so long, so graciously and with such long suffering I am finally
done. I want to get revenge and not just a one time revenge, I want to
legally make his life as miserable as he has made mine. I certainly
don’t want to do anything malicious as at the end of the day he still is
an old man who is very sad (in many ways) and I generally like to turn
the other cheek but I just can’t stand it anymore.

Help please,
Fed Up.

Revenge Joker

Fed Up,

First, save the letter and document every interaction
you and your wife have with this sad old man. Get records from the
police about every call, every incident, every visit.

He’s obviously in a bad way and is looking for any excitement, any
complaints, to brighten his day. And ruin someone else’s.

Every little complaint gives him some sort of twisted pleasure, but you
need to live your life despite his complaints and interfering. This is
why you need a written record of everything that is going on involving

Also, I suggest getting together with your neighbors and see who else is
pissed at this guy. Get a list of names and complaints/events that they
have also had to endure from him. I’m sure you’ll need this type of
evidence sooner or later.

Then, once you’ve done what I’ve suggested already, it’s time to add to
the old man’s life a little excitement.
Put up posters listing his car for sale. Should be easy enough to print
out and place around town. You can have a good laugh as he deals with
people coming to his door for a couple of weeks wanting to buy his car.

Send him letters that he’s won some sort of draw, that he’s invited to
some high-paying survey group. Anything that will get him out of the
house, having to travel a while to pick up his winnings, and to
participate in a consumer survey group and make a lot of easy money.
These are also easy enough to create, print out and mail.

You get the general idea.

And to cover your tracks, keep your happy face on and enjoy your revenge
in silence.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,

I live next door to a school that doesn’t allow
parking between 7 to 9am during the weekdays or when school is in

I don’t have a garage parking spot in my
complex so I am forced to park on the residential streets.

Since I leave for work around 9:30am, the
only place I can find to park is a block and a half past the school in
front of some guy’s house. It is in a residential neighborhood but there
aren’t any parking permits required or any signs of restricted parking.
I park in front of his house because there is a street lamp that makes
me feel that I can safely leave my car there because the area is so well

Well, the problem started when he came out
in the middle of the night, after I returned home from work, and
complained about the fact that I park in front of his house every night.

I sometimes drive my girlfriend’s car so
on occasion I leave my car parked in front of his house a few days at a
time. On weekends I move my truck ’cause parking in front of the school
is allowed.

So recently, someone has been throwing
dirt on my truck’s front window.

The other day I got a note that read,
"Stop parking your car in front of our homes!!!" – 91st St. homeowners."
This morning I came out to move my car, but wasn’t able to because I had
a flat.

Now, that flat was not there when I
checked my truck at 12:30am this morning and when I left for work at
9:30am there was a flat! I suspect that the guy whose house I park in
front of is doing these things to my car, I mean, you don’t mess with a
man’s car!!! what should I do revenge guy?

Revenge JokerHi

Short of getting a hidden camera for your car to
catch this guy damaging your car (which I do suggest you do!), and an
alarm to let you know when someone is messing with your vehicle, you’re
going to have to find a new place to park.

And a call to the police to report what you suspect he did to your car
would be a good idea too. And city hall!

Of course you could always get a "police shield" sticker for your car.
Make your car look like a public official vehicle. Then get the guy’s
phone number (or better get someone pretending to be a public official,
to talk with this guy) about someone vandalizing this official car.

Maybe make him sweat a little.

People become very protective of the
property in front of their homes, they forget that it’s public
property. You may be forced to move your truck to a new
neighborhood. But I’d go with alarms and surveillance, if possible.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,
I have a neighbor that insists in shooting illegal fireworks
over my back yard fence on a nightly basis. My neighbors and I have
made several calls to the local PD, with no luck. Then by shear luck
the "genius" was lighting a mortar round in the middle of the street
on the 4th of July at the same time an undercover cop came around
the corner. Well, he received a $1000.00 fine. Whoo Hoo.

Unfortunately that is not the end of the story, just the beginning.
He found out from the PD who the reporting persons were on his
numerous complaints. I have found nails and screws in my tires, and
this morning a potato in my tail pipe.

How can I make this guy’s life as miserable as he is making mine?
Obviously anonymity is the key here, as he is vengeful.
Thank you,

Revenge JokerHi

First off, I’d get an outdoor security camera and
try to catch this guy in the act of doing something to you or your
When faced with someone acting like this, being ignorant of
neighbors then striking after them, it’s time to hit the ant with a
12 ton sledgehammer.

I always believe in killing a fly with a baseball bat!

I’d also have a video camera handy to capture anything else he may
do, whatever it could be. Video evidence goes a long way and you’ll
never know if you’ll need it. A camera will work well for the things
you find him doing or suspect him doing as well.

Now that he’s been fined and his idiotic actions are a matter of
public record, I’d let your city council know of the danger he
presents, and the local fire department too.

Once you have the evidence piling up, a restraining order and
possibly complaints of illegal trespass are in order. Maybe even
civil suits for damages. Make the guy’s live a legal living hell.

As for being anonymous, really you’re the main suspect, so I
wouldn’t worry to much about that. He’s going to suspect you
anyways, so anonymous revenge here isn’t the key, bold protective
moves are.

I once had a neighboring family, with a couple of teenagers, living
across the street from me. The parents would go away every weekend
and the kids would have large parties with dozens of their friends
showing up, and the party always spilling into the street late at
night. And teens fighting, drinking, smoking dope wasn’t my idea of
a good night’s sleep.

Calling the cops didn’t end the troubles, so I pulled out my video
camera and taped them a few times. I made copies and gave them to my
neighbors, the police and the teen’s parents. That ended the

I was also worried that the kids would vandalize my property but I
left the camera running out my front window (you know, the little
red light always flashing showing it’s recording) and everything was

Be bold and unafraid.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,
I hope you have a suggestion for me for revenge on my neighbor?

I own 2 one acre
lots in a country subdivision, I’ve been here over 17 years. Anyway,
here’s my situation: I dug a 10 foot by 8 foot deep hole for burning
over 10 years ago.

My new neighbor
just bought the 5 acres behind me, and the one acre lot alongside my
other empty acre, I plant vegetables on part of that empty acre.
(where the burn hole is located).

He put his mobile
home within 100 feet of my burn hole. He had all of his pine trees
(over 350) cut down months ago, and dug a hole on his 5 acres behind
me to burn all the limbs and such. I didn’t complain once about all
the ashes, that landed in my pool, on our cars, house, windows, etc.
not to mention the smoke we put up with for weeks while he was

Last week I had all
the pine trees (over 100) on my lots cut down, and proceeded to burn
my branches in my burn pit. This S.O.B. called the Forest rangers on
me, and said it was too much smoke and too close to their house,
(100 feet away).

I got mad and told
the ranger the hole was there 10 years before their mobile home, let
them move their mobile home (he laughed). The Ranger asked "Did you
Tee these people off somehow? They seem to be against you?"

I’ve never even
talked to them. Luckily the neighbor on the other side of us is an
OK neighbor and said to the ranger that I can burn it near his acre
lot without any problems, (except digging another huge hole to burn
this stuff, and carrying it all over to my other acre).

These S.O.B.
neighbors are from a well to do area neighborhood near a large city,
you know on small lots (less than a quarter acre) and apparently
don’t realize they live in the country now (probably kicked out of
that neighborhood for being buttholes).

Now they are dumped
on me. I’m 52 and I’ve had 2 minor strokes, blind in one eye, and
I’m a bit limited to physical endurances, but I do what I can.

The S.O.B. neighbor
yelled and screamed the other day he was gonna kick my old white
hillbilly butt and a couple other choice threatening colorful words
thrown in. I’m no hillbilly I was born in Buffalo New York, did 2
tours in the US Navy, and consider myself very well educated.

And I’m pretty sure
I could still hold my own if attacked.

That’s not the
problem, I’m sure the law could help out if needed, I just want to
educate this OJ wanna be about living in the country and getting
along with your neighbors, and that he doesn’t own the neighborhood.

It was suggested
getting 5 pigs and installing a pen next to my fence near his house,
other neighbors suggested that, and by the covenants its legal to
do, but he’d probably kill the pigs on me. I thought about getting a
few 5 gallon buckets of dead fish, put them in at ground level and
cover them with screen and grass for a fragrant evening aroma for
him and his wife to enjoy in their nice country settings. If you
have any other/ better suggestions for revenge, Please let me
Mr. Tee Doff


Revenge JokerHi
Mr. Tee Doff,

I have to admit, I really hate city-folk that
move into the country without understanding country life.

First off:
Document everything, the threats, the words, anything he says to
you. Keep a journal, I have a feeling you’ll need it.

Buttholes like this usually think that they know the law but in
reality the don’t know squat. Big words and little brains.

You live your life, don’t make any changes.

Of course, if you have the strength I really like the idea of the
five pigs. Let them learn what country living is all about. A long,
hot, stinky summer.

I’d save some wood
burning for special occasions too. When the wind is blowing right,
burn a little bit every now and then. Just enough for a few minutes
discomfort on their side.

You could also
start throwing some bird feed pellets over towards their mobile
home. Let the birds have some free food and target practice on their
mobile home. Maybe that will inspire them to move it after a few
needed washings.

And for the heck of it, place some ‘fake’ surveillance cameras
around your property. Just out of reach of the property line, of
course. Maybe on some poles you put up.

Let them think that you’re watching everything and everybody.
Give them a bit of a spook. City-folk hate that, that’s why they
move to the ‘quiet countryside’.

As far as educating them, maybe get a copy of the local farming
bylaws and have it sent to them. Anonymously or by your lawyer.
Give them some thoughtful reading.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,

Another stupid neighbor issue. These jerks have
made my life living hell for the past year. I am moving in a week and I
want to make sure I make them just as miserable. I’ve resorted to
complaining to the PD, the association blah blah blah and nothing. The
cops don’t show up and if they do, it’s HOURS later. Nice.

It’s a townhouse with about 10 people who live in it on the tax payers
dime. All hours of the day and night they have their car stereos
blasting. The dirty ass kids are continually playing basketball in the
street directly across from my driveway and won’t move when I come home.
If there is a car in my driveway they bounce the ball off it. When I
have the blinds open, they shine some red light into my windows. A laser
pen or something else. They’ve turned the neighborhood into a ghetto, so
for all I know its a laser scope on a gun. Yeah I know but hey you can
never be too careful. I live alone, and I’m the only white female left
in the neighborhood.

I’ve bitched and they retaliate. Very vengeful. I need to do something
that’s just going to royally ruin their day. I thought about the grass
killer but they are the type who apparently hide from the law, so they
are CONTINUALLY peeping out their blinds. So that would be tough but
after a few beers, I think I can work it if need be.

Any suggestions or ideas? I’d hate to leave here quietly 🙂

Revenge JokerHi

Dealing with the “Griswold’s” as I like to call such
people, isn’t easy.
But they give me a job, hehe.

So, this is what you do:
A couple of days before moving day, start searching your local
cheap/used furniture stores and find yourself a nice, cheap couch or
large chair.

Have your movers pick it up on their way over to your place on
moving day. If you don’t have movers, pick it up yourself but only
on moving day.

The day before moving day go to the grocery store and buy 2 pounds
of stewing beef or some other cheap meat that’s cut into pieces. And
some really cheap plastic sandwich baggies, the type that use twist
ties to close.

Now, we all know that the Griswold’s always are in need of
furniture. And you, being the “friendly neighbor” have no room in
your new place for your old sofa/chair/whatever. So you offer it to
your neighbors, free of charge, just before you’re ready to leave
that horrid neighborhood forever.

After all, it won’t fit in your new place and there’s no sense in
paying the movers to dump it, right?

Of course, the meat that you’ve cleverly stuffed deep into the sofa
( a great way is to go through the bottom of the sofa) in
ever-so-fragile plastic baggies, should start rotting away in 7 to
10 days. And the smell should last a lot longer if they ever figure
it out.

Your revenge will be complete.
Just don’t leave a forwarding address or anything with your name on
it behind.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

The Party People

Revenge Guy,

I have been dealing with a bad neighbor for over two years now.

I live in a townhome that was just recently converted into condos
last month. My problems with the neighbor in the unit next to mine
in the month of October 2009. It all started after they moved in and
begin with "very loud" music that could be heard and felt through my
wall and floors. They also have a loud stereo system in their car!

I immediately called the superintendant at the time and informed
them of the problem. That stopped it for awhile..

After that it became a game of "cat and mouse". My neighbor had
parties all the time and the music never stopped. After making
several phone calls to the super, eventually I was told that I was
on my own and would have to call either the police or bylaw

The problem with that is that most of the noise happens on the
weekends and "bylaw enforcement" only works Monday thru Friday.
Besides that, I've called both police and bylaw enforcement, they
never show up, ever.

I work nights 6 days a week, so I need to get some sleep to be
able to function for work.

Believe me, I've tried to confront this person and ask them to
"turn it down". All I got for my troubles was an attitude!

After putting up with this crap for 2 years, I finally had no
choice but to give notice and move out of this place. But I'm not
going out quietly!

I think it's time to send a message to people like this who feel
the need to disturb everyone around them. I want "payback". This guy
needs to be taught a lesson.

Please Revenge Guy, help me end my misery.

Revenge JokerHi

You have their address, start posting "Party invites" online and in
local gathering places, let them deal with hundreds of unwanted
party guests!

And if this happens the next time, you're not the only neighbor
that is put out. Talk to these neighbors, complain to the
superintendent, or whoever is in charge, maybe the condo strata
council. Take turns calling the police, have a journal to write down
date and times (and witnesses) of these party disturbances. Use a
video camera to gather evidence of this unruly behavior.

Fight, fight, fight!
Best wishes,

%d bloggers like this: