The Revenge GuyBad Neighbors 4 By
The Revenge Guy

Moving into a great neighborhood doesn't always guarantee friendly
neighbors, or nice neighbors or even people that just ignore you.

More often than not, you're going to have a neighbor that will do
everything in his/her power to destroy the tranquil life you had so
hoped for.

Here's a few stories of getting even.

Revenge Guy,

I’m so glad I found this site. I have a real
dilemma on my hands. My parents just recently bought this house (which
is technically part of a condo) a couple towns over from where we used
to live. It was my parents dream to own a house instead of paying rent
for the rest of their lives. Though the area isn’t ideal, it is great
house and we are happy in our new home.

This has been soured, however, by the neighbors who live right next to
us. These drunken assholes have been nothing but nasty to us since we
moved in. I believe it started when we took down their dog run that was
attached to our deck. The previous owner didn’t mind, but we did. The
day that we moved in the woman came outside and yelled at a friend of
the family who was helping us move in. Needless to say, they have been
completely out of control since we moved in.

The guy has a Harley that he revs up at all hours of the day, sometimes
at ten at night and six in the morning, when we are trying to sleep. The
woman who is apparently his girlfriend is just a bitch. Today, they were
yelling, and calling me names completely unprovoked. They referred to me
as "Fat F–k" as I was leaving to do some errands, and they almost ran
over my dog with the motorcycle when we were out for a walk. This is
absolutely the last straw.

They went from mild nuisances, to total assholes pretty quickly. If I
did to them what I have in mind right now, I would be in prison. I am
LIVID right now, and I really need some way to get back at them. If you
have any suggestions, then I would really appreciate it.

We aren’t bad people. We just want to live in peace!
Thanks for your time,

Revenge Joker

Hi Hank,
The answer here is threefold:

First off you need to video what is going on and journal all the events
that happen to you and your family from these out-of-control neighbors.
When you have evidence of possibly criminal behavior contact the police.

wo: you need to have a look at the rules for the condo. Most condo’s
because they have common areas that are governed by a condo or strata
council have rules, or bylaws, that all owners and tenants have to
Brush up on these rules and bylaws. If possible get yourself elected to
the strata council. Change the rules of residency and get after the bad
effects of these neighbors.
You can do it!

Get them legally, they won’t even see it coming!

Three: get some noxious substance (Liquid Ass is my favorite right now)
and spray some on their bike if at all possible you can get to it
without being seen. let them smell ass for a while!
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Use To Protect Your Identity On The Phone

Revenge Guy,

We have this guy in our apartment complex who
ALWAY takes up two parking spots and I get off late at night and get
home about 3am and can’t find a damn parking spot because of this

The tow company won’t tow him because he’s
got the parking sticker and lives here, I’ve complained to the office
but that seems to never work.

I’m ready to slash all his tires. His car
isn’t even new it’s a 1992 pontiac grand prix 4 door! wtf is so damn
special about that, that he needs two damn spots?? It’s not going to
save it from the keyed up marks he’s about ready to get. So besides all
the obvious destroying of the car and beating him like he owes me money
what else could I do?

Revenge Joker


The key here is to get him taken care of without being
caught as the culprit.
You’ve got to wait a couple of weeks, avoid confrontations. Let this
settle down.

Have you spoken with the apartment managers?
Taken photos to them of this bad parking?
Do you know that if a parking place is included in your lease and the
manager doesn’t make sure you have access to one, 24 hours a day, you
can withhold your rent?

You should check this with a lawyer or your local government office, but
it’s a pretty universal thing.

Now then, the goals here are to:
1. Educate this guy about parking, and
2. Get your revenge.
These things should work together somehow, agreed?

Get yourself a fake “Tow-away” sign or “No Parking” sign and a stick.
When “too stupid to stay within the lines” is parked in two spots, pull
out your sign and stick, stick it in the ground in front of his car and
call the tow truck.
This works, trust me! As an alternative, get yourself some Liquid Ass (
and generously spay this stuff on the door handles of his car. He’ll
love the smell for several hours. Hehe.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,

I have these neighbors who live behind me a
couple of houses down, they keep stealing from me and the cops can do
anything about it, (or won’t), either way, I have had it.

It’s taking everything I have to keep from
going over there to kick someone’s ass. It’s teenage boys who live with
their mother, who condones this crap. We have had problems for years,
about 6 or 7 years ago this kid stole my sons bike and we found it in
the thief’s friend’s backyard right behind us.

We don’t have a fence so I know this
contributes to my problem, but it still doesn’t give these chumps the
right to steal from me.

So we called the cops then, got the bike
back, and things seemed to calm down. The kid eventually went to juvy
for 3 years because he progressed to stealing cars, the family moved
away, then recently moved back into the neighborhood within the last

My kids pass by their backyard to go to
and from their bus stop so they see into these peoples backyard
everyday. A few months ago, my son comes home and says "Mom, my bike is
in this dudes backyard", so I didn’t call the cops this time, because
they never help us out with the neighborhood thieves or vandalism we
deal with, it feels like we are on our own.

So my son and I go over there, I jump
their fence and take the bike back. Later that night my husband and I
went and confronted them about it, the mom just adamantly defended her
perfect little children, like my kids bike rode itself over there and
put itself in her backyard.

So a couple of weeks ago my son comes home
and says "Mom, your garden tool is in their backyard now", I didn’t go
get it back because I wasn’t sure how to handle this, because now I am
just totally pissed off and don’t want to screw myself legally. I
realize it’s a miniscule item but its the principal of the matter. So my
husband called the cops yesterday, I bought the tool at a swap meet so I
really have no way of proving its mine. It’s all bent up and used and my
husband told the cop that, I saw it and it is clearly my tool. So the
mom tells the cop, no it’s hers she bought it at Home Depot, she will
look for her receipt to prove it.

Come on!!! She knows its mine, I know it’s
mine, her thieving sons know its mine. It was in my yard one day, the
next day one shows up in their yard, they live in a rocky landscaped
backyard, I have a garden in my yard, it just looks bad on their part.

But the cops can’t do anything its their
word against ours. The cop says we need to engrave all of our stuff,
which I am going to do. I am going to engrave my name into my bike and a
few other things (in inconspicuous places) and leave them out there to
try and set them up. They can’t seem to control themselves from stealing
from us, so I think it will work, but it’s a matter of time I’m sure.

After we pissed them off yesterday by
sending the cops to their house, they kept looking over the fence at me
and my kids, I told my kids if these people talk to you ignore them
because we don’t talk to thieving bastards, they heard me say that and
sent the cops to MY house like I am a criminal, can you believe this!

That just pissed me off even more. Then
later last night I am outside on the phone and three of the kids jump
their neighbors fence and were watching me, like crouched down, it was
weird like they were going to do something, so I yelled at them, "Go
ahead and keep watching me, you guys steal from me and treat me like I’M
the ones who’s wrong!" They ran when I said that, I was worried so I
kept watch out my backyard all night, they didn’t come over here.

So clearly I need to take matters into my
own hands. We don’t live in that great of a neighborhood, but my next
door neighbor, he’s a stand-up guy, he has had problems with these
people too, but none of us can prove that its these little bastards
doing any of this stuff that keeps going on.

One of the kids shot a moving car with a
bb gun from my good neighbor’s house, but of course we can’t prove it.
So my stand-up neighbor had to pay for the damages to the car. I figured
out it was them when I confronted their mom about my kids stolen bike
when I found a coffee can full of bbs and bb holes on their front porch
soon after the incident occurred.

We have been robbed and vandalized
numerous times, we had a quad stolen out of my yard, my kids Kettcar go
cart was stolen, I can’t prove its them but I know it is.

We don’t have a lot of money so I can’t
afford to build a fence right now, I can’t afford surveillance. My son
wants to set booby traps, lol, that’s great but not too practical I
don’t think. We raked my yard last night to see any footprints that
might be left, so I will keep doing that. I know I pissed them off so I
know they will be back to do something, I just don’t know when. So I
found your site and wanted some good sweet revenge advice, please help,

Pissed Off

Revenge Joker

Pissed Off,

I think that you’re in a bad situation and need
to make it better.
First off, outdoor surveillance is only a few hundred dollars. Do it!
Even if you only have one camera and a couple fake ones. (Take a look at
this page to see what I mean.)

Do the engraving…. And if you hit some
second hand stores what I’d do is look for something that’s cheap that
the kids might want to steal. Mark it with some invisible paint. Let
them have that all over them… the cops will love it.

Get all your neighbors together to discuss these problem neighbors and
kids. You’ll find better solutions if you’re together as a group. It’s a
great reason to share a beer or a cup of coffee with your neighbors too.

Start a journal, every neighbor, detailing what’s going on. Write down
incidents, times, witnesses, everything. The police will reply on this
when it happens again.

Do these people rent the home? Is there a landlord to talk to about the
house damage?

Your sweet revenge is really catching them in the act and having the
police, and other neighbors, watch them very carefully.
Protect what you have.
Raking the yard is a good idea, so is watering it. Any treatment that
will show footprints.

I would worry that this is just becoming a game with kids and parents
that just don’t care what might happen.

Get everyone together. You may even have a civil case and sue them. Read
your city bylaws…. Even the threat of a lawsuit might wake the idiotic
mother up to what her kids are doing.

And, as far as what to do, if you can I’d start spreading bird seed in
their rocky back yard… let them deal with a yard full of birds and cats…
Just throw some over into their yard every few nights. Give them some
pets to play with.

to phone them with. Maybe you’re the police? Maybe a
bill creditor? Maybe you’ve got some real bad news to share? allows you to
change your voice, change the call display and even record the call.
Give it a go.

I hope this helps,
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,

My bastard neighbors put up chimes for the sole
purpose of annoying me.

They stuck two large ones on the side of
the house next to mine.

What can I do? I am not interested in
escalating this to a noise war because I hate loud noise, but am open to
any advice.
Thanks, Anon.

Revenge Joker


What I really would do is get a can of aerosol glue and
spray it at the wind chimes when they aren’t home.
It’ll still be hanging but now should be all glued up and not chiming.

If it’s hanging by a string I’d try to get
to it and partially cut it through, but still hanging. A few gusts of
wind should take it down and hopefully they’ll be too lazy to get it

Either that or fake a call to them being the local bylaw office, saying
that they have a noise complaint and have 72 hours to comply with taking
down the chime or face a city hall fine. is great for this type of phone call (on my site).

Or just for the heck of it start dropping
some bird seed on the other side of their house, let them have some new
noise just for themselves!

I hope I’ve helped!
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,

I saw your website and figured I’d give it a try…. here’s the

Back in 2003 my
family and I moved into a new house, my dad who owned an heating and
a/c company passed away 2 weeks later suddenly.

Now the problem
began when we had the two company vehicles, my car, my mom’s car and
my dad’s personal truck and no space to put these vehicles. So for a
temporary time until spring came I had to park 2 vehicles on the
road, now mind you, at the time houses were still being built and
there were big piles of dirt and rock and constructions vehicles as
well left on our road during the night.

But our neighbor
across the street this old guy who doesn’t work kept calling the
city on me and they’d keep towing my cars away almost on a nightly
basis. I ended up running out of money after paying so much to get
them out, and ended up losing my dad’s personal truck (worth $30,000
at the time) and a company vehicle with all our tools in it (worth
about $35,000) because the towing company said they don’t hold on to
the vehicles for more then a month.

I let it go… I
lost our business went broke and let it go anyways… now, 2 years
later I get a letter in attached to the door saying I have to move
my 2 vehicles off my driveway or make them operable (I no longer
park anything on the road…. and the two vehicles being referred to
are our cars that are not being used at the moment but are both 2002
models so they’re not an eyesore) because the old man complained
about that now.

I really want to
beat the sh-t out of this guy… but I can’t because I will get in
trouble, what can I do? Any ideas? I just want to torture the
fucker… I park my car out on the road during legal hours of the
day just to piss him off now, but I need more.
Peeved Son

Revenge JokerHi
Peeved Son,

I’m really sorry for what you’ve gone through. Is
he giving other neighbors the same hassles or just targeting you?

Have you thought of a lawyer and filing harassment charges of some

Can you cover the cars, put minimum insurance on them? Get plates?

As far as revenge it’s hard to say what to do. You didn’t tell me
much about him.

But you can do the standby’s that are on my site:
Litter his yard with dry cat food when he’s asleep, let him be
attacked by all the cat’s in the neighborhood;

Sprinkle pellet fertilizer on his yard spelling out “JERK”. The next
time he waters he’ll get a semi-permanent surprise;

Make up some “For Rent” posters and leave them around town , cheap
rent at his place. Let him deal with these visitors. You can also do
early morning yard sales, car for sale, anything. Make a poster a
month and keep him busy. You’ll get to laugh a lot at him.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,
The other day I was driving into a cul-de-sac that my cousin lives
on (who lives around the corner from me).

I, for the record, was driving within or
below the speed limit. My cell phone rang, it was my daughter so I
answered it. This old man on the corner motioned to me so I rolled my
window down and he told me to get off the damn phone and drive. I was

I was not doing anything wrong. When I
told him that it was my daughter and I needed to answer it he screamed
something at me and I told him to get a life. He then told me to stick
it up my ass.

I was so unnerved I went home and cried. I
can’t believe a total stranger would be so cruel. I know that being on
the phone when driving is a pet peeve for some people, but it is legal
where I live and like I said, I was driving slow almost stopped.

This man does not know who I was and that
I live around the corner from him. He walks his dog everyday and I have
said hi to him before, but even then he wasn’t very friendly.

I want revenge. What do you suggest.


Really, what this guy needs is a return ticket to reality. But are you
sure you want to be the one?

If yes, then read on, otherwise just
delete this email right now.

You know where the old guy walks his dog. He doesn’t know you.

I’d start timing his walks, knowing where and when he’ll be someplace,
then start leaving stuff in slightly hidden places for the dog to sniff
and find.

Small wrapped bits of catnip, dog food in wet tissue paper, things that
will make the dog out of control while he’s walking the dog.
And take pictures of him too, or video with your phone/camera, wrestling
with his dog, trying to keep him under control.

Then post the video to YouTube or somewhere.
Share it. You’ll at least have the last laugh.

Let this old guy lose control over something he cares about, then he’ll
have more to worry about than just bugging people as they drive.

Best Wishes, The Revenge Guy

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