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Neighbors Can Be Vandals and Thieves

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Moving into a great neighborhood doesn’t always guarantee friendly neighbors, or nice neighbors or even people that just ignore you. 

More often than not, you’re going to have a neighbor that will do everything in his/her power to destroy the tranquil life you had so hoped for.

Here’s a few stories of getting even.

Dear Revenge GuyDear Revenge Guy,
I’m so glad I found this site. I have a real dilemma on my hands. My parents just recently bought this house (which is technically part of a condo) a couple towns over from where we used to live. It was my parents dream to own a house instead of paying rent for the rest of their lives. Though the area isn’t ideal, it is great house and we are happy in our new home.

This has been soured, however, by the neighbors who live right next to us. These drunken assholes have been nothing but nasty to us since we moved in. I believe it started when we took down their dog run that was attached to our deck. The previous owner didn’t mind, but we did. The day that we moved in the woman came outside and yelled at a friend of the family who was helping us move in. Needless to say, they have been completely out of control since we moved in.

The guy has a Harley that he revs up at all hours of the day, sometimes at ten at night and six in the morning, when we are trying to sleep. The woman who is apparently his girlfriend is just a bitch. Today, they were yelling, and calling me names completely unprovoked. They referred to me as “Fat F–k” as I was leaving to do some errands, and they almost ran over my dog with the motorcycle when we were out for a walk. This is absolutely the last straw.

They went from mild nuisances, to total assholes pretty quickly. If I did to them what I have in mind right now, I would be in prison. I am LIVID right now, and I really need some way to get back at them. If you have any suggestions, then I would really appreciate it.

We aren’t bad people. We just want to live in peace!
Thanks for your time,

Revenge Joker

Hi Hank,
The answer here is threefold:

First off you need to video what is going on and journal all the events that happen to you and your family from these out-of-control neighbors. When you have evidence of possibly criminal behavior contact the police.

Two: You need to have a look at the rules for the condo. Most condo’s because they have common areas that are governed by a condo or strata council have rules, or bylaws, that all owners and tenants have to follow.
Brush up on these rules and bylaws. If possible get yourself elected to the strata council. Change the rules of residency and get after the bad effects of these neighbors.
You can do it!

Get them legally, they won’t even see it coming!

Three: get some noxious substance (Liquid Ass is my favorite right now) and spray some on their bike if at all possible you can get to it without being seen. let them smell ass for a while!
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge GuyDear Revenge Guy,
We have this guy in our apartment complex who ALWAY takes up two parking spots and I get off late at night and get home about 3am and can’t find a damn parking spot because of this twatwaffle.

The tow company won’t tow him because he’s got the parking sticker and lives here, I’ve complained to the office but that seems to never work.

I’m ready to slash all his tires. His car isn’t even new it’s a 1992 pontiac grand prix 4 door! wtf is so damn special about that, that he needs two damn spots?? It’s not going to save it from the keyed up marks he’s about ready to get. So besides all the obvious destroying of the car and beating him like he owes me money what else could I do?

Revenge Joker

The key here is to get him taken care of without being caught as the culprit.
You’ve got to wait a couple of weeks, avoid confrontations. Let this settle down.

Have you spoken with the apartment managers?
Taken photos to them of this bad parking?
Do you know that if a parking place is included in your lease and the manager doesn’t make sure you have access to one, 24 hours a day, you can withhold your rent?

You should check this with a lawyer or your local government office, but it’s a pretty universal thing.

Now then, the goals here are to:
1. Educate this guy about parking, and
2. Get your revenge.
These things should work together somehow, agreed?

Get yourself a fake “Tow-away” sign or “No Parking” sign and a stick.
When “too stupid to stay within the lines” is parked in two spots, pull out your sign and stick, stick it in the ground in front of his car and call the tow truck.
This works, trust me! As an alternative, get yourself some Liquid Ass ( and generously spay this stuff on the door handles of his car. He’ll love the smell for several hours. Hehe.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge GuyDear Revenge Guy,
I have these neighbors who live behind me a couple of houses down, they keep stealing from me and the cops can do anything about it, (or won’t), either way, I have had it.

It’s taking everything I have to keep from going over there to kick someone’s ass. It’s teenage boys who live with their mother, who condones this crap. We have had problems for years, about 6 or 7 years ago this kid stole my sons bike and we found it in the thief’s friend’s backyard right behind us.

We don’t have a fence so I know this contributes to my problem, but it still doesn’t give these chumps the right to steal from me.

So we called the cops then, got the bike back, and things seemed to calm down. The kid eventually went to juvy for 3 years because he progressed to stealing cars, the family moved away, then recently moved back into the neighborhood within the last year.

My kids pass by their backyard to go to and from their bus stop so they see into these peoples backyard everyday. A few months ago, my son comes home and says “Mom, my bike is in this dudes backyard”, so I didn’t call the cops this time, because they never help us out with the neighborhood thieves or vandalism we deal with, it feels like we are on our own.

So my son and I go over there, I jump their fence and take the bike back. Later that night my husband and I went and confronted them about it, the mom just adamantly defended her perfect little children, like my kids bike rode itself over there and put itself in her backyard.

So a couple of weeks ago my son comes home and says “Mom, your garden tool is in their backyard now”, I didn’t go get it back because I wasn’t sure how to handle this, because now I am just totally pissed off and don’t want to screw myself legally. I realize it’s a miniscule item but its the principal of the matter. So my husband called the cops yesterday, I bought the tool at a swap meet so I really have no way of proving its mine. It’s all bent up and used and my husband told the cop that, I saw it and it is clearly my tool. So the mom tells the cop, no it’s hers she bought it at Home Depot, she will look for her receipt to prove it.

Come on!!! She knows its mine, I know it’s mine, her thieving sons know its mine. It was in my yard one day, the next day one shows up in their yard, they live in a rocky landscaped backyard, I have a garden in my yard, it just looks bad on their part.

But the cops can’t do anything its their word against ours. The cop says we need to engrave all of our stuff, which I am going to do. I am going to engrave my name into my bike and a few other things (in inconspicuous places) and leave them out there to try and set them up. They can’t seem to control themselves from stealing from us, so I think it will work, but it’s a matter of time I’m sure.

After we pissed them off yesterday by sending the cops to their house, they kept looking over the fence at me and my kids, I told my kids if these people talk to you ignore them because we don’t talk to thieving bastards, they heard me say that and sent the cops to MY house like I am a criminal, can you believe this!

That just pissed me off even more. Then later last night I am outside on the phone and three of the kids jump their neighbors fence and were watching me, like crouched down, it was weird like they were going to do something, so I yelled at them, “Go ahead and keep watching me, you guys steal from me and treat me like I’M the ones who’s wrong!” They ran when I said that, I was worried so I kept watch out my backyard all night, they didn’t come over here.

So clearly I need to take matters into my own hands. We don’t live in that great of a neighborhood, but my next door neighbor, he’s a stand-up guy, he has had problems with these people too, but none of us can prove that its these little bastards doing any of this stuff that keeps going on.

One of the kids shot a moving car with a bb gun from my good neighbor’s house, but of course we can’t prove it. So my stand-up neighbor had to pay for the damages to the car. I figured out it was them when I confronted their mom about my kids stolen bike when I found a coffee can full of bbs and bb holes on their front porch soon after the incident occurred.

We have been robbed and vandalized numerous times, we had a quad stolen out of my yard, my kids Kettcar go cart was stolen, I can’t prove its them but I know it is.

We don’t have a lot of money so I can’t afford to build a fence right now, I can’t afford surveillance. My son wants to set booby traps, lol, that’s great but not too practical I don’t think. We raked my yard last night to see any footprints that might be left, so I will keep doing that. I know I pissed them off so I know they will be back to do something, I just don’t know when. So I found your site and wanted some good sweet revenge advice, please help,
Pissed Off

Revenge Joker

Dear Pissed Off,
I think that you’re in a bad situation and need to make it better.
First off, outdoor surveillance is only a few hundred dollars. Do it! Even if you only have one camera and a couple fake ones.

Do the engraving…. And if you hit some second hand stores what I’d do is look for something that’s cheap that the kids might want to steal. Mark it with some invisible paint. Let them have that all over them… the cops will love it.

Get all your neighbors together to discuss these problem neighbors and kids. You’ll find better solutions if you’re together as a group. It’s a great reason to share a beer or a cup of coffee with your neighbors too.

Start a journal, every neighbor, detailing what’s going on. Write down incidents, times, witnesses, everything. The police will reply on this when it happens again.

Do these people rent the home? Is there a landlord to talk to about the house damage?

Your sweet revenge is really catching them in the act and having the police, and other neighbors, watch them very carefully.
Protect what you have.
Raking the yard is a good idea, so is watering it. Any treatment that will show footprints.

I would worry that this is just becoming a game with kids and parents that just don’t care what might happen.

Get everyone together. You may even have a civil case and sue them. Read your city bylaws…. Even the threat of a lawsuit might wake the idiotic mother up to what her kids are doing.

And, as far as what to do, if you can I’d start spreading bird seed in their rocky back yard… let them deal with a yard full of birds and cats… Just throw some over into their yard every few nights. Give them some pets to play with.

I hope this helps,
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge GuyDear Revenge Guy,
My bastard neighbors put up chimes for the sole purpose of annoying me.

They stuck two large ones on the side of the house next to mine.

What can I do? I am not interested in escalating this to a noise war because I hate loud noise, but am open to any advice.
Thanks, Anon.

Revenge Joker

Dear Anon,
What I really would do is get a can of aerosol glue and spray it at the wind chimes when they aren’t home.
It’ll still be hanging but now should be all glued up and not chiming.

If it’s hanging by a string I’d try to get to it and partially cut it through, but still hanging. A few gusts of wind should take it down and hopefully they’ll be too lazy to get it fixed.

Either that or fake a call to them being the local bylaw office, saying that they have a noise complaint and have 72 hours to comply with taking down the chime or face a city hall fine.

Or just for the heck of it start dropping some bird seed on the other side of their house, let them have some new noise just for themselves!

I hope I’ve helped!
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge GuyDear Revenge Guy,
I saw your website and figured I’d give it a try…. here’s the story….

Back in 2003 my family and I moved into a new house, my dad who owned an heating and a/c company passed away 2 weeks later suddenly.

Now the problem began when we had the two company vehicles, my car, my mom’s car and my dad’s personal truck and no space to put these vehicles. So for a temporary time until spring came I had to park 2 vehicles on the road, now mind you, at the time houses were still being built and there were big piles of dirt and rock and constructions vehicles as well left on our road during the night.

But our neighbor across the street this old guy who doesn’t work kept calling the city on me and they’d keep towing my cars away almost on a nightly basis. I ended up running out of money after paying so much to get them out, and ended up losing my dad’s personal truck (worth $30,000 at the time) and a company vehicle with all our tools in it (worth about $35,000) because the towing company said they don’t hold on to the vehicles for more then a month.

I let it go… I lost our business went broke and let it go anyways… now, 2 years later I get a letter in attached to the door saying I have to move my 2 vehicles off my driveway or make them operable (I no longer park anything on the road…. and the two vehicles being referred to are our cars that are not being used at the moment but are both 2002 models so they’re not an eyesore) because the old man complained about that now.

I really want to beat the sh-t out of this guy… but I can’t because I will get in trouble, what can I do? Any ideas? I just want to torture the fucker… I park my car out on the road during legal hours of the day just to piss him off now, but I need more.
Peeved Son

Revenge JokerHi Peeved Son,
I’m really sorry for what you’ve gone through. Is he giving other neighbors the same hassles or just targeting you?

Have you thought of a lawyer and filing harassment charges of some type?

Can you cover the cars, put minimum insurance on them? Get plates?

As far as revenge it’s hard to say what to do. You didn’t tell me much about him.

But you can do the standby’s that are on my site:
Litter his yard with dry cat food when he’s asleep, let him be attacked by all the cat’s in the neighborhood;

Sprinkle pellet fertilizer on his yard spelling out “JERK”. The next time he waters he’ll get a semi-permanent surprise;

Make up some “For Rent” posters and leave them around town , cheap rent at his place. Let him deal with these visitors. You can also do early morning yard sales, car for sale, anything. Make a poster a month and keep him busy. You’ll get to laugh a lot at him.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge GuyDear Revenge Guy,
The other day I was driving into a cul-de-sac that my cousin lives on (who lives around the corner from me).

I, for the record, was driving within or below the speed limit. My cell phone rang, it was my daughter so I answered it. This old man on the corner motioned to me so I rolled my window down and he told me to get off the damn phone and drive. I was shocked!!

I was not doing anything wrong. When I told him that it was my daughter and I needed to answer it he screamed something at me and I told him to get a life. He then told me to stick it up my ass.

I was so unnerved I went home and cried. I can’t believe a total stranger would be so cruel. I know that being on the phone when driving is a pet peeve for some people, but it is legal where I live and like I said, I was driving slow almost stopped.

This man does not know who I was and that I live around the corner from him. He walks his dog everyday and I have said hi to him before, but even then he wasn’t very friendly.

I want revenge. What do you suggest.

Dear Anonymous,
Really, what this guy needs is a return ticket to reality. But are you sure you want to be the one?

If yes, then read on, otherwise just delete this email right now.

You know where the old guy walks his dog. He doesn’t know you.

I’d start timing his walks, knowing where and when he’ll be someplace, then start leaving stuff in slightly hidden places for the dog to sniff and find.

Small wrapped bits of catnip, dog food in wet tissue paper, things that will make the dog out of control while he’s walking the dog.
And take pictures of him too, or video with your phone/camera, wrestling with his dog, trying to keep him under control.

Then post the video to YouTube or somewhere.
Share it. You’ll at least have the last laugh.

Let this old guy lose control over something he cares about, then he’ll have more to worry about than just bugging people as they drive.


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