Neighbors: You Can’t Choose Your Family and You Can’t Choose Your Neighbors

Neighbors: You Can’t Choose Your Family and You Can’t Choose Your Neighbors

The Revenge Guy

Just like family, you don't get to pick your neighbors!

And just like family they often don't give a crap about you… but once they've crossed that line from allowing you the peaceful enjoyment of your own paid-for property… well, let's just say they deserve what's coming, right?

My Neighbor's Trees


Hey RG,

I got this neighbor who owns trees that branch out passed the sidewalk where cars park.

This morning I found him ordering his hired help to cut down the branches and they ended up falling on my car.

I'm not talking about twigs here, they were big enough to make a loud crashing, twisting sound when they were coming down. After it happened he noticed I saw it and acted really friendly in a fake way asking how I was doing and the usual bull shit while his hired help brushed off the branches from my car.

How do I get even with him. I want to thai kick him in the face but I know you can help me find a better way to get revenge.
Thanks,
Dave in MN

Revenge JokerHi Dave,
That type of event is why the Revenge Guy has his cell phone with him at all times. It's the type that takes pictures, video and voice notes.

I am ready to get evidence of anything that happens to me and my things.
Did he scratch your car's paint job? Any dings? And why didn't you ream him out right away?

If you know the company name of his hired help, I'd send them a letter claiming damages. Detail what happened. They'll have to call him and make him sweat it out thinking there may be a small claims lawsuit coming his way.

Now then, what I'd do is start buying containers of molasses. Molasses spread onto wax paper or poured into small plastic baggies (with small holes put into them once placed) and hung in trees, hidden under porches, stuck under cars, wherever there is a great hiding place, makes a heck of a nuisance attracting all kinds of bugs for him to deal with… give him some real worries.

If that's too hard for you to do, maybe just throw some granular fertilizer over onto his yard every night for about 2 weeks. The over-fertilization will burn his grass and he'll be flummoxed as to how it happened. Maybe he'll blame the hired help again.

Best wishes,
RG



Dear Revenge Guy,

I just found your site today after my rude awakening, by the animals that I am forced to call neighbors, this morning.

A little back story:
Since we moved in 3 years ago, the neighbor "above" us on the hill has given us problem after problem. With no retaliation from us whatsoever.

I am sick and tired of doing things "properly", for them just to spit in our faces and think up some new way to dirty the place up. The summer after we moved in, they started draining their kiddie pool into our yard. Not only were they eroding away the fragile hill between our two homes, but we then had to deal with bugs, mold, stagnant water, etc. My husband tried to talk to them the first time this happened. They refused to answer the door, so we called their landlord. He said he would take care of it.

As the months went on they began to drain their pool DAILY (!!! water wasters!!!) while we were at work. Back and forth all summer.

The next year, the same thing. So I called local code enforcement. "Nothing can be done, you’ll have to file a civil suit." At this point, they are draining their washing machine onto our hill, and into our yard! In addition, their trash falls into our yard on a daily basis, and our nice normal neighbor has had to take care of this crappy neighbor’s "feral cat" issue.

Fast forward to today: Saturday morning.

Husband went to work early, and I am in bed with the dogs. All of a sudden, a loud bang on the roof. The dogs start barking, so I know something’s up. As I try to collect myself from just being waken up to abruptly, I walk out the front door to the side of the house where I heard the bang. There were what looked like large drops of water on the concrete all around my car. Weird… Then I see an open water bottle, and go to see what’s inside. I should have known. When I picked the bottle up, it was warm. And that was when I realized what I should have known all along. It was pee. WTF?!?!?! PEE?!?!?!?!

I called the cops. He visited them, and after 10 minutes of tying to get them to answer the door, speaks with the mother (I use the term loosely). She knows nothing of any pee (convenient lie), and claims she just wants "all this to stop".

Uh…okay lady. I’ll stop…uh…playing nice with you ‘ cause you obviously have no sense of common decency!!

Her landlord let it be known to us that he doesn’t want to evict them, because he gets money from the government (Section 8?) to keep them there.

What do I do!?!?!?!

I don’t want to take it out on the kids (even though they are incredible brats…all 20 of them!), because this ghetto bitch is obviously not doing her job as a mother…but what do I do??? Help!!!
Sharon

Revenge Joker

Hi Sharon,
First off, create a water diversion to drain the water off the edge of your property.

Take pictures of the damage that now exists, how the water is ruining your landscape and threaten a lawsuit against their landlord. That will get his attention better than just you calling him up and complaining. A nice letter from a lawyer should move things along nicely.

Keep a journal of all the things that have happened and will happen.
You’ll need this as evidence if you end up in court or there are more calls to the police.

Get the names and numbers of these idiot neighbors… if they are on Social Assistance then they will be money hungry, you can use a phone call to get them out of the house supposedly to pick up a cash prize at a local radio station… You can also call them and give them other things to worry about, once you find out more about these people you’ll know what buttons to push.

And call the SPCA about the cat wandering around… maybe a trap?
Or better yet, throw some dry cat food into their yard, get all the cats in the neighborhood into their yard and let your dogs loose.

I hope this helps:
Records of everything;
Pictures and video and voice recordings when possible.

Small efforts of revenge against their cat and yard….
And whatever else will not be pointed back at you but will help to exact your revenge.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy



Dear Revenge Guy,

I have a neurotic pregnant lady next door that says my dog barks all day and it doesn’t and the city won’t check into it so I am going to be inconvenienced because the city will not come out here and listen to confirm it.

All they have to do is turn in complaints without substantiation and I will have to go to court to prove otherwise.

Not fair.

I have had the dog for ten years, have left a recorder outside etc., to make sure that he isn’t barking when I’m out.

How can I cause some discomfort and discord in their household?

My wife passed away a few years ago and this was her dog. It’s an important pet to my son. They have a dog that runs over and barks at me and I don’t complain. I am a good neighbor.

Hell, I am a homeland security guy trying to take care of all you oblivious assholes to what’s really going on. I pay taxes, volunteer and have been a good citizen.

I want to have some
fun and cause a little discomfort. Any suggestions? Bad porn in the mail to his neighbors with his name on it or what?

Revenge JokerHi,
Being a good neighbor doesn’t mean that you have to put up with the bad ones. And since she’s got you going to court it’s time to play on their level.

First off: keep recording your dog. You need hours and hours, and days and days of recordings to verify that it isn’t your dog making all the noise.

Secondly, also get video of her dog coming to your house and making noise, digging, snooping around, whatever it does. Most places have bylaws against letting dogs run loose and without a leash on so turn the courts onto her pronto.

Thirdly, when her dog is on the loose make a call yourself to the city. Let them deal with the "dangerous stray". If it doesn’t have tags they’ll have to take it. Let her pay the "doggy impound fees".

And I wouldn’t send porn in the mail, too obvious.

Send her husband some flowers to his house, from "Susan at the store" or whoever. Or use a service to call and leave messages that infer he’s cheating on her, stir the pot.
Let her sweat that one, pregnant and all.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy



Dear Revenge Guy,

I feel a little strange writing, but I have no idea what else to do in this type of situation.

Today, we came home to a notice that our neighbours had called animal control on us.

We have four dogs, who will go outside in our backyard. Our neighbour also has a dog, and whenever the they meet, they bark. Our neighbours complained, insisting that they cannot enjoy their pool with our dogs present. Now, we have 30 days to remove two of our dogs.

I understand this is a mistake on our part, and we should have looked into bylaw rules. I know that my family is guilty, and we are receiving our punishment. However, we are not crazy, and our dogs are all foster and rescue dogs who we saved from be put to sleep. Not to mention our neighbour’s dog is just as guilty as ours, we just have more (which means more noise). On another note, our neighbours are not as saintly as they may seem.

I am in highschool with their son, and I happen to know that he is involved in the trafficking of cocaine (and various other substances) within the school. When they do go out to their pool, I know he will have loud music and friends, who will be consuming more of these illegal substances. I am a good student within the school, and I am not involved in these activities.

With this being said, this is a very stressful and upsetting time for us, especially my parents. Without doing anything illegal or stupid, I was wondering if you have any advice on what we could do? I doubt there is much to be done, but I feel that if they expect us to remain so strictly within the law, that all members of their house should be responsible for doing the same. I just want to let them know how traumatic this will be to our dogs and our family, all for the sake of their summer parties.

Thank you kindly for your time,
The sad neighbour.

Revenge JokerHi Sad Neighbor,
First off, get a hold of a local newspaper about your dogs and maybe they will be adopted by someone else with a kind heart. Newspapers love these types of local stories, make it sound as though you are being unfairly punished for providing a home for these former rescue dogs.

As for the kids and parents with all their drugs, get the evidence and call the police.

Report him anonymously with drugs on campus…
When the parties start, I’d put up posters to make it an all-out bash, destruction will soon follow as you call the police on these overly huge parties.

Good luck!

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy



Dear Revenge Guy,

Believe me when I say my neighbours are the worst kind anyone could imagine.

There are 3 adults & 2 kids living in a two bedroom unit directly above my unit.

I am woken around 5.30am every morning. Even though I ware earplugs to bed every night the huge bangs are so loud & heavy it makes the walls n floor vibrate.

Every time I go 2 the bathroom no matter when. Someone is hitting something with a hammer. In the shower my water pressure continuously changing Hot to cold etc. Someone goes to the water system & keeps re-adjusting while I’m in the shower.

Most nights I end up lying on the lounge watching TV. As soon as I begin to shut my eyes {fall asleep} someone makes a huge bang noise directly above me. {Happens most nights}

Yet if I have a visitor then nothing happens!

I could write pages & pages of incidents that have happened over last 3 years. The Police know my voice so well they don’t even ask who’s calling. Obviously because I have had to ring them so many times.

Last week they got one of their cousins or whoever to throw a rock at their window. The window broke. Then they rang the Police & told them they saw me do it.

I wasn’t even home. Good for me that the police did not believe them.

These neighbors are unbelievable, they try to harass me 24/7.

Sometimes I go away for the weekend and as soon as I arrive home they start. They seem to have dedicated their lives to harassing me.

I need advise!
Please help
Yours Sincerely
Bob

Revenge JokerHi Bob,
First off, you need to gather evidence better… get a video camera and let it record all the noise.

Certainly these idiots upstairs won’t know you are recording them, so you’ll finally have something to show the police and the management of where you live.

If the police know you by name when you call then a visit to the station house is a good idea so they know you on sight. Take some muffins or doughnuts to add to your welcoming visit.

Fight for your living rights as agreed to in the lease you signed (as a renter) or in the housing rules you agreed to (if a condo/townhome development with an HOA).

As for revenge, I’d get their phone number and post ads all over the place for “furniture for sale” and let them deal with the calls for cheap furniture. Make sure you include “Shift worker – call between midnight and 5 am”.

Do this every couple of weeks. At least you’ll have the last laugh when the phone rings upstairs.

And get ready to move, your sanity is much more important, don’t you think?

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy



Dear Beloved Revenge Guy,

I need to know if my desire for revenge is warranted.

I had a truck (an ENTIRE TRUCK, SIR!) STOLEN from my apartment complex.

When I asked to see if I could get out of my lease early without penalties, the management company’s corporate office said no and that I would have to pursue legal action to get a different result.

Well, the management company changed, and the new company decided to up my rent $80 a month DESPITE the fact that my truck was stolen from this complex. They basically told me to move if I didn’t like it.

Like an idiot, I resigned my lease because it would have been too expensive (even with the upped rent) to do otherwise.

But I’m pissed!

The management staff in the office are a bunch of rude people. I feel like they’re lording the higher rent over my head, and I would like to do something about it. I thought about powdered drink mix, food coloring, or jello in the pools or maybe a large banner out in front of the complex, but I wanted to consult you first.

For all of its generally nice external appearance, more heinous things have happened to people in this place. Do I need therapy, or is revenge a viable option in this particular scenario?
Thanks!
Dr. Fellows
P.S. Also, do you have post-revenge stories on the site?

Revenge JokerHi Dr. Fellows,
You are right to seek revenge. And it is the management company that you want to be put into a bad place as they most certainly pay for the troubles they have caused you.

I feel for your truck being stolen. I have had a car stolen once when I lived in an apartment… not too much you can do except make an insurance claim, but double check your rental agreement anyways, maybe there is something you can use in there about the safety of personal property. You never know, you might have justification for a civil suit against them.

Now, first off, I don’t know where you live but many places have rent control. Are you positive that the increase in rent was legal?

Call your local government’s residential control department to find out.

Talk to other residents about the rent increase. Were you singled out?
Was everyone’s rent raised?
Maybe starting a residents club is a good idea. Management never likes residents getting together, it always means trouble for them and this is a step you should take.

Create posters and slip them under everyone’s door.

“ Dear Residents of XXX
Has your rent recently be raised?
Is this a legal rental increase?
Tenants have rights. We need to band together to protect ours.
Contact me at this email address for more details: me@mynail.com”

That should suffice.

Don’t let these idiots bully you for one more second!
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

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