Asshole Parking in My Spot

Dear Revenge GuyHello RG,
I’m not looking to take revenge, not my style.

But I did ask building management to leave a notice about someone parking in a spot that I share with a coworker in a condo building (which is assigned to us and was properly paid for – about $200 a month). I specifically informed building management that I didn’t want to cause trouble, getting them fined or anything like that – just that we use the spot.

This morning, I found coffee poured over the driver’s door handle which, in my opinion, is quite childish. I’ve cleaned it off but I have a feeling, based on your blog, that this will continue. What is there that I can do?

The Revenge GuyHi, People suck, don’t they?
There’s too many “entitled people” in the world that drive me crazy. I mean, they have no care in the world about how their actions affect others just as long as what they do is convenient for them.

Since they were such jerks to pour stuff on your car the usual thing would be to retaliate. Of course you don’t want such a war with these idiots, certainly the next thing they’ll do is key your car.

Simply put, what I would do is put a “tow notice” on the parking spot and say that you’ll have any illegally parked cars towed at the owner’s expense. Or get yourself some fake parking tickets and start putting them on the windshield.

You pay for the spot, it’s yours. Protect it without escalating if you can.

Good luck

Parking Issues In Front of My House

Dear Revenge GuyDear Revenge Guy,
I bought a house in a tract home community, I have been living here 8 years pretty much trouble free for 7 of those years.

I knew my neighbors, they were all respectful and we all got along. Then the neighbor next door moved. A leasing company bought the house and now there are 5 adults living in the house next door. One of them has a regular vehicle and a work vehicle. They regularly have a boyfriend or girlfriend come and stay with them also. Making a grand total of no less than FIVE sometimes SEVEN (with the boyfriends) cars for this house! They park in front of my house every single day. SO now whenever my wife and I have a friend over, they have nowhere to park. I let it go for the first 4-5 months, thinking maybe this was just some temporary problem and it would all sort itself out. After 4-5 months, I realized this monstrosity was permanent.

I went next door to ask them politely (I really was polite) to park in their own driveway and in front of their own house. They live on the corner so they have access to 2 curbs for this purpose. She pretty much told me “you don’t own the street” and slammed the door in my face. I thought okay??? So I went to my car got in it and parked in front of her house, hoping this would sort of drive the point home that this is rude and also annoying. SHE CALLED THE COPS!! Seriously!! The cop told me I couldn’t park in front of her house because she has a stop sign within 10 feet and that I had no right to tell her not to park in front of MY HOUSE.

I thought to myself “Maybe I am being unreasonable.” So I started asking friends and long time clients and relatives if this was rude I also asked them if this would annoy them? ALL of them said pretty emphatically they thought it was rude and then conveyed their sympathy.

2 weeks later I get a knock on my door at 1:30 am. I go to the door and the cops are there. The policeman asked me “How many people live in this house?” I told him “Me my wife and 3 children.” He said go inside shut all the lights off get everyone up and come downstairs. We get downstairs to find 3 policemen on my porch with assault rifles aimed at the house next door. The policemen said we need to stay in the shadows, go to our driveway and take a left (opposite of my neighbors) and run in the that direction about 4 houses and get behind another home. Turns out the were called there because someone in that house had a gun and was threatening to harm himself.

About a month later I am outside mowing my lawn and a young man drives up in one of their cars and parks in front of my house. When the young man exited he starts working on the bumper of their clunker truck. Pulling off the rear bumper and other stuff. I hadn’t seen this guy before so I asked him “Do you think it’s rude to park in front of other peoples’ houses?” He said “Well your neighbor told me to park here.” I said ” She doesn’t live here, I do. Again do you think it’s rude to park continuously every single day in front of someone else’s house? ” He again said “She told me to!” I continued doing my lawn in disgust and finished it.

About 3 hours later the was a knock at my door. I open it up and there is another policeman standing at my door. He says “We got a call from your neighbor saying “He feels threatened by you.” He then goes on to reiterate that “You don’t own the street, and they can park there anytime they want.” I tried to explain to the policeman that I was not even remotely threatening to this guy, and that all I did was ask him if he though it was rude. ” He tells me “It’s not rude. If you don’t want people to park in front of your house you need to buy a large piece of land.”

I also found out later that one of the herd of people living next door works for dispatch, which explains the “Less than sympathetic” disposition of the police coming to my door.

I am seriously thinking of selling my house and moving. There are other regular life reasons, but partially because of this. I am desperate, please help.

The Revenge GuyHi,
Yup, neighbors can be real jerks…. but I’d be more worried about the safety of your family than anything else.

Tell me, what do you know about these people? Anything that you can use against them? It’s hard to deal with such assholes, especially when it’s in your front yard so you’re the first suspect if anything goes weird or wrong.

Check the bylaws for your street, see if there are regular parking regulations, like how long they can be there in front of your street. maybe call a city councillor and start complaining. Some type of official noise might work, or it might backfire badly.

Yeah, I might move…. or bide my time to take them down. Fake parking tickets. Oil stains in the street. Broken glass… Make it interesting anyways.

Good luck!


The Revenge Guy
On The Neighbors from Hell By
The Revenge Guy

There are simple steps to avoid getting bad neighbors… but they're
a secret so you'll have to suffer and plot revenge instead…

Revenge Guy,

My boyfriend and I rented this townhouse and the HOA
is run by your typical older, bitter woman on a power trip.

Monday was a holiday and typically trash pick up
day. I suggested to my boyfriend to put the trash out Tuesday, but I was
incorrect on the make up of the trash day. We later found the trash on
our doorstep, courtesy of the HOA lady.

She also follows around the neighbors that have
dogs in her SUV to make sure they’re cleaning up after their dogs. She
will literally sit there in her car and watch them until the dog is
done, and the couple has retreated their house and then start her

She also called our landlords and threatened to
have us evicted because she suspected we were running a business out of
our garage, (my boyfriend works in power-tools and builds us things like
a TV stand, headboard, etc). We don’t sell anything he makes – its just
a hobby and he never runs the tools past 9 pm as per the bi-laws.

What type of revenge can I evoke that will remind this mean lady that
you catch more flies with honey? I really want to tactfully call her out
on her "power trip" ways and teach her to be human. However, hauling my
smelly garbage is pretty self satisfactory. Any ideas?
Thanks, Texas Couple

Revenge Joker

Hi Texas Couple,
This is one nosy woman!

The best way to take care of this is:
1. Start a journal of times, dates and places that she is watching you
and/or your neighbors;
2. Watch HER back… take out a camera, video her, whatever, just so she
knows what’s going on, that she knows that you know… blah, blah…
3. Contact your current landlord and get a copy of the bylaws. See where
this lady’s “observing you” is contrary to the right of enjoyment of the
property, send her a photocopy and a note saying you’ll sue her, get her
kicked out, etc.

HOA’s are usually pretty uptight about having
people threatening their collective insurance costs due to legal
problems and will usually force the person to sell their unit and move
instead of dealing with their behavior towards others in the courts.

That is what I’d do… and maybe… just as a bonus, attach a note to her
door thanking her for “cleaning up” the garbage because of the mix-up
about the change in garbage days. You don’t have to sign it, it’s just
another “you know that she knows” type of things.

And the next time she calls your landlord, invite him over to talk about
“this problem”. I’m sure that YOUR lease says something about ”enjoyment
of premises” so if you can’t sue HER you can sue HIM until the issue of
your privacy is resolved.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,

We have some nasty neighbors that live beside us. We have lived at
the same house for over 10 years. When they moved in, 4 years ago,
we told them we had planned on getting a pool and their family would
be welcome to come swimming any time. They answered with "If we want
to go to the pool we’ll go to the country club." Need I say more
about the people we’re dealing with? And, the husband is a lawyer.

Right before we installed a pool, a
year later, they wanted us to put it where they wanted it. They said
that if we didn’t they would cause as much trouble for us as
possible. They said, "Just because we’re neighbors doesn’t mean we
have to be friends."

The first day that it was open, my
birthday, they called the police for noise disturbance. It was just
me and my husband. How much noise could that be? Next, they filed a
lawsuit saying our light was trespassing on their property. By
trespassing I mean the light was touching their property. I told my
husband, "Just shut off the light. They will be back." They came
back. The got the homeowner’s association involved. The complaint
was not that we played our music too loud but, we played it too long
(I would turn on music about 11am-5pm). We filed a lawsuit against
the homeowner’s association asking them to prove that what we were
doing was wrong. Long story short, everything was dropped. My
problem: The amount I had to pay my lawyer to defend my right to

Revenge JokerDear

In your position what I’d do is start inviting
members of the HOA to a weekly swim, BBQ or other type of gathering.
Heal the bad feelings that may linger while further irritating your
bastard neighbors.

As well, invite your friends to have their son’s/daughters birthday
parties, after school swims, whatever you can to have some good
times in your backyard during the day, ending before 10:00pm.

Your neighbor is a lawyer? He’ll know
how far you can go before you cross the rules, but he’ll still try
to force you to do what he wants.

As well, I’d start doing some reading
of the HOA bylaws. It’s very likely he’s breaking some rules that
he’s not even aware of. Turn their home life upside down, that’s
what I’d do. I’d also try to get on the board of the HOA, make some
changes complimentary to your lifestyle when possible and contrary
to what your idiot neighbors like. When you’re on the HOA, maybe you
can get their particular type of car banned because of size, height,
even green house gasses!
Let the noise start!!

And, I’d post a copy of the dismissed suit against you on your front
Keep memories alive.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,

I have a situation in the laundry room in my apartment building.
Twice, someone has stolen my nearly full bottle of Tide. I know, I
know: fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice shame on me. It just
ticks me off that I can’t trust the 8 other people I live with in my
apartment building. Plus, Tide is expensive! Anyway, I’m not sure
who is stealing my Tide, but I have my suspicions. Still, I don’t
know for sure.

Both times the Tide has been stolen, it was when I left the soap in
the laundry room while the machine was washing my clothes. It seems
like the culprit listens to see if the washing machine is running
and then goes and checks to see if any soap has been left in the
laundry room.

I need your advice. I bought a small bottle of Tide and filled it
half with bleach. I was planning to leave the bottle in the laundry
room and let it get stolen again, so that when the thief used the
doctored soap to wash clothes, the clothes would get bleached.
However, the soap and bleach reacted when I mixed them together, and
it just made a bubbly mess. I thought about mixing dye with bleach,
but I don’t want to ruin the washing machine and/or other people’s
clothes in the apartment.

Here’s where you come in. Any advice?

Revenge JokerDear

There is a powered solution that you can mix with
powder Tide and get the creep that steals your soap.

Pretty well any other powered cleaner will do, just to mix together
but my suggestion would be to mix the laundry soap with a powered
food, like instant potato flakes.

They’ll make a hell of a mess but easily be cleaned in the washer by
just running it through another cycle.

The clothes, however, will be ruined.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy

I have a neighbor who copies Everything I Do.

I love to garden and now her house looks just like mine, she sees I
have something new she will drive and drive till she can find it.
And to top that off she is so rude to me and my family she is 50 or
older woman who does not work and I’m in my 30’s stay at home mom.

When I’m out gardening I can feel her watching me though her window
or at night I’m outside watering she is sitting on her bench outside
watching me in the dark she has a family and she has them believing
that I am coping her and doing all this freaky stuff.

She even went as far as getting the same exact dog as us we have,
she is so frustrating! In time I wish I could just move but of
course this is not an option What do I do to get revenge on this
women so her family can really see what she is like?
Thanks for your help!

Revenge JokerHi,
I once saw this exact same thing in a “Dear Abby” column.
Dear Abby said that her copying you is a form of flattery. She
obviously has no self-esteem, cannot make decisions on her own, and
she likes your sense of style.
It is flattery, after all. Creepy, but a compliment.

And I’m sure her family has a great idea as to the type of person
she is.

As for revenge, if you still have “neighborly chats” with this woman
what I’d do is chat it up with her about changes you’re going to
make, inside and outside your home. Mislead her as to the changes
you’re planning. Re-enforce your chats with having trades people
come by, kitchen renovators, garden centers, all kinds of trades.

Maybe talk about putting a pond in the backyard. That’s major
maintenance, let her get one first.

Re-paving or otherwise redoing your driveways and walkways. Major
work and expense. Let her think you’re doing it and maybe she’ll do
it first. Go to your local garden store and pick up about a dozen
stone blocks to try out on your driveway.

I hope my suggestions help!
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,

I have a big problem with my neighbors who live
across the street from me. I live in a suburb of Houston, Texas. I live
on a street of only 13 homes on 1 acre sites. I moved here 3 years ago.
It was peaceful and the neighbors are all nice. But last year a non-english
speaking family with 3 children moved in.

They do not fit in on our street at all.
You can’t talk to them because they only know spanish. All the neighbors
including my self can not understand how they can afford a $260,000.00
house we think they are illegal!

The problem is they play Latino music loud
all the time, they have low riding thugs come over and they stare and my
daughters and everything we have. So we spent $3000.00 on a privacy
fence to block their view, which I had not planned on doing!

Their son I’m guessing is around 13 yrs
old drives a loud four wheeler all the time! I can’t even stand to go
out and do my yard work or just enjoy time outside. My husband and I
planned on staying here we have done so many improvements I hate to have
them run me out! I want to run them out!! Can you give me Ideas on how
to make their life here as miserable as they have made mine.
Thanks, House in Houston

Revenge Joker

Fed Up,

I think you need to talk to the police. Just go into
the local station and have a talk with them.

And then the next stop is your local city
hall and find out about bylaws for traffic, privacy and land use.

You can’t choose your neighbors, like you can your friends, but you can
make sure they play by the local rules/laws.

And for the hell of it, get a loud stereo and play some Tom Jones
outside while you garden.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,

I would like some help with creating some "instant karma" for my
inconsiderate neighbors.

We live on a lake
and have been in our home for over a decade. Our neighbors have
always been civil and we have had an okay relationship with them.

About 18 months
ago, they came to us with an idea about putting a garage on the lot
line, towards the lake, we said that we did not like that idea for
many reasons including: losing morning sun, drainage issues, snow
buildup issues, an echo at our house (as our patio where we
entertain is right there) and on and on… Essentially, we would
have a big wall where a big open area used to be.

At that time they
said they would "take it into consideration". They have decided to
go ahead with the project now and have never talked to us about it
again. (actually they have pretty much ignored us). They only come
out on weekends, and are turning a nice, lake setting into a lot
with 10 pounds of sh-t packed onto a 5 pound lot, they’re just
weekend warriors. I would like to know what your thoughts are on
showing them my dissatisfaction for years to come.
any ideas?

Revenge JokerHi,
There are always building codes and local bylaws to govern the
construction of any permanent building that has walls and a roof. Do
some research into this, you may have a legal answer to your revenge

Get them harassed by the building inspectors, get a new
survey done of your land so you know exactly where the boundary is
and make sure they don’t build too close to the property line (there
are usually bylaws against building within 10 feet of the property
line, or some distance close to ten feet). That would be first.

Second would be
talking to a lawyer about the "loss of enjoyment" you are suffering,
there may be a legal civil suit there somewhere.

Thirdly I’d plant a whole lot of fruit trees along your mutual
They take away your view, you harass them year after year with
leaves and over-ripe fruit falling on their side.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,

Me and my wife recently moved in to a new house
we have a 5yr old child. Now our neighbors have been sending their child
over to our house,  that’s usually fine but they send her over for
3-5 hours a day!

This is as soon as I come home from work
which makes it that much more frustrating. The child doesn’t listen to a
word we say and is always fighting with our son, then on top of that
we’ve went over and talked to her parents about this they tell us to
tell her to behave and that they won’t let her stay as long anymore.

At first they did then they started "we’ll
pick her up in an hour", 1 hour goes by they’re not there to pick her
up, 2 then 3 then 4 then 5 then 6 hours later they come back, and where
have they been? At the movies then they went to dinner, no call to us,
no nothing!

What I find to be even more frustrating of
all is that they never once invite my son over to play at their house.

Now a month later nothing has changed, she
is still in our house 3-5 hours a day misbehaving, touching stuff she
shouldn’t be touching, slamming doors, yelling at and hitting our son
now! At time she’s a very sensitive girl so its hard to ask her to leave
without hurting her feelings. How do we send the message to her parents
that were not a daycare?
Please help us R.G
M in OH

Revenge JokerDear
M in OH,

Quite simply I’d post a sign on your front door that
says “Sorry, no play dates today, we are sick in this house.”
Should the child just walk into your home, hand her the note and send
her on her way.

Some people just take advantage and this has to stop or you’ll be
supporting them through high school with free daycare.
The note option should hold them off and when you get a good chance to
talk with them, do so. Explain that “play dates” and “babysitting” are
two different things.

Play dates are agreed by both families for convenient times;
Babysitting is not anything you are willing to do but you can certainly
recommend some for them.

Should you be stuck again with the child, have a sit down with her and
tell her the rules of being in your home.
Go so far as giving her time outs, sitting in the corner on a chair,
when she misbehaves.

Call her parents immediately telling them what is going on.

And, to protect yourself, start a journal of when you have had the child
in your home and the parents have been unreachable.
Document all times and dates that you have had the child in your house.
Add the instances of misbehavior of the child and the corrective
measures you took towards her.

I can see this spilling into nasty words between you and this
inconsiderate couple. But I don’t see losing them as friends much of a

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,

I need some solid advise in regards to an ongoing situation with the neighbor
that doesn't seem to go away.

I live in a large condominium association in Rancho Mirage, CA.
When I purchased my unit, there were 3 other families in my common
area and we all share a grassy area that leads to our individual
entrances to our homes. Also, due to very bad planning our garages
are situated in a way that if you pull your car up to the entrance
area you will be parking in front of two people's garages and
blocking them so they can't get their car out. Guess who owns one of
the garages – me.

When I purchased my place, two elderly woman lived in the end
unit and were very quiet. In fact, I never knew their names and
rarely saw them. The only information I knew of them is that they
both passed away about the same time and their unit was vacant. A
few months passed and it was apparent that there were new owners in
the unit. One day, a construction crew drove up and it was clear
that they were remodelling the unit. Unfortunately, the contractors
starting parking in front of my garage so I couldn't get out to go
to work.

I started to get very irritated. I told the president of the
homeowners association that these workers keep parking me in and he
acted like I was the one being unreasonable and told me to tell them
to move so I could get out. Okay, I did this, but many times I
couldn't find them and I needed to leave to get to work. Then they
started having their lunch on the lawn and leaving all of their
trash which I would come home and pickup.

This went on for months until I just blew and started swearing up
and down at these people. I found the new owners to be extremely
self centered and acted like I was just some peon because I live
here year round. This is a secondary home for them. They live in

One time when they blocked me in, I went to the door to ask them
to move and the wife came out screaming for me to get the f____ off
her property and called me a bitch. So you get the idea that there
is bad blood from the get-go.

Well, eventually, things calmed down and I just avoided them and
never gave any of this any more thought. Five months ago, they were
here for the weekend, and they came to my door. My husband answered
and they asked if anyone in the household owned a blue car. My
husband told them my son owns a blue car and asked him to come to
the door and see what these people wanted. They said that someone
with a blue car hit their car that was parked in the public parking

My son said it was not him so my husband said let's all go out
and look at what you are referring to. Their car was a black Lexus
sedan and it had a fairly good size ding it the back door. They
showed my husband and son a mark on my son's Chevy Aveo about the
size of a pen point on his driver side passenger door and claimed
that this is where he must have hit their door. My husband is not
only a doctor but a PHD, MDA and is a very fair person. He looked at
this and told these people he did not see any correlation between
the damage on their car and this pinprick mark on my son's car.
Besides, when I purchased my son's car, it had some small dings on

My husband and son walked away and went back in the house. Five
minutes later, the 30 year old son of the owners of the car was back
at our house banging on the front door. My son went to the door.
This guy started threatening my son and of course my 18 year son
started yelling back at him and swearing at him. My husband heard
all of this and came out and asked what is it was that this guy
wanted and he swore and stomped off our property.

After this incident, I told my son that I thought it would be
best if he went to his dad's house with his car and stayed there
until all of this died down. But he would not listen to me and the
next day, my son went to his car to find that both driver and
passenger side of his car had been keyed – I should say gauged. The
estimate for the damage was $1,200.00. I called an attorney and the
police, but of course, without catching the neighbor in the act,
they told me they can't do anything. After feeling rotten for about
a week, I just forgot it.

This past weekend, May 21st, apparently, the neighbors were here
again for the weekend. I have two vehicles, one is an SUV which I
drive most of the time, but I also have a Mercedes CLK 500 with very
low mileage and keep in the garage at all times. I went to a company
dinner on Sunday night and I was dropped off at my house at about
11PM that night by a coworker.

Our garage door was open which did not make me happy, but
occasionally my husband forgets to put it down. I hadn't driven my
Mercedes for 2 weeks and last time I did drive it I put gas in it.
My gas mount is on the passenger side of my car. I decided to drive
the Mercedes Monday morning. When I got to work and got out of my
car I noticed on the passenger side of my car, right below the gas
mount was a two foot long gauge where obviously my car had been
keyed and you could tell it was fresh. Of course, I was extremely
distraught. I called my son to ask him if he had seen anything and
he told me that someone left a note on his car windshield warning
him he can't park where he parked.

Later that day, the president of the homeowners association came
knocking at our door to tell us we can't park in this so – called
public spot because the "neighbor" was screaming about it. This is
the same neighbor that is keying all of our cars, etc. First, you
have to understand that this spot was blocked off as a no parking
space because it is in front of one of the unit owners small golf
cart garage, but the unit owner died years ago and no one with a
golf cart has used this garage in 5 years – so it is no bad
consequence to anyone if some parks in the spot. Further, it has
absolutely nothing to do or in no way affects this neighbor that
complained. It's not even close to their property.

I went back over to the president of the association with my car
and showed him the damage to my Mercedes. He wishy washy acted like
he would try to mediate, but I'm not convinced. So now these vicious
neighbors have done $1,200 worth of damage to my son's car, and
about $2,000 of damage to my Mercedes. In as much as I do not have
100% proof that they did this – it is just way too coincidental
especially since my Mercedes has been in the garage and no where
else in the last two weeks. I am so frustrated. I don't want to live
here anymore, but it's not like I can just pick up and leave.

Please give me some advise – I am at my wit's end with this

Revenge JokerHi

It's a tough position to be in when you know someone did something
but don't have the proof.

What I would do is gather more info about these neighbors. Get
their names, second home in LA info and start to work.

I'd use
to call them in LA saying that their place was broken in to, where
you are, and that they have to come immediately to view the damage.
Make it all sound very official.

Waste their time on trips from LA to this home. When they are
home post "party notices' around hand have them swarmed with
uninvited guests. Make it hard for them to enjoy the place and it
will be up for sale within a couple of months.

Also, read through the bylaws of the strata and see what offences
these people make, you might have some valid, legal complaints
directly against them that will be headaches for them to remain

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

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