Asshole Parking in My Spot

Dear Revenge GuyHello RG,
I’m not looking to take revenge, not my style.

But I did ask building management to leave a notice about someone parking in a spot that I share with a coworker in a condo building (which is assigned to us and was properly paid for – about $200 a month). I specifically informed building management that I didn’t want to cause trouble, getting them fined or anything like that – just that we use the spot.

This morning, I found coffee poured over the driver’s door handle which, in my opinion, is quite childish. I’ve cleaned it off but I have a feeling, based on your blog, that this will continue. What is there that I can do?

The Revenge GuyHi, People suck, don’t they?
There’s too many “entitled people” in the world that drive me crazy. I mean, they have no care in the world about how their actions affect others just as long as what they do is convenient for them.

Since they were such jerks to pour stuff on your car the usual thing would be to retaliate. Of course you don’t want such a war with these idiots, certainly the next thing they’ll do is key your car.

Simply put, what I would do is put a “tow notice” on the parking spot and say that you’ll have any illegally parked cars towed at the owner’s expense. Or get yourself some fake parking tickets and start putting them on the windshield.

You pay for the spot, it’s yours. Protect it without escalating if you can.

Good luck

Parking Issues In Front of My House

Dear Revenge GuyDear Revenge Guy,
I bought a house in a tract home community, I have been living here 8 years pretty much trouble free for 7 of those years.

I knew my neighbors, they were all respectful and we all got along. Then the neighbor next door moved. A leasing company bought the house and now there are 5 adults living in the house next door. One of them has a regular vehicle and a work vehicle. They regularly have a boyfriend or girlfriend come and stay with them also. Making a grand total of no less than FIVE sometimes SEVEN (with the boyfriends) cars for this house! They park in front of my house every single day. SO now whenever my wife and I have a friend over, they have nowhere to park. I let it go for the first 4-5 months, thinking maybe this was just some temporary problem and it would all sort itself out. After 4-5 months, I realized this monstrosity was permanent.

I went next door to ask them politely (I really was polite) to park in their own driveway and in front of their own house. They live on the corner so they have access to 2 curbs for this purpose. She pretty much told me “you don’t own the street” and slammed the door in my face. I thought okay??? So I went to my car got in it and parked in front of her house, hoping this would sort of drive the point home that this is rude and also annoying. SHE CALLED THE COPS!! Seriously!! The cop told me I couldn’t park in front of her house because she has a stop sign within 10 feet and that I had no right to tell her not to park in front of MY HOUSE.

I thought to myself “Maybe I am being unreasonable.” So I started asking friends and long time clients and relatives if this was rude I also asked them if this would annoy them? ALL of them said pretty emphatically they thought it was rude and then conveyed their sympathy.

2 weeks later I get a knock on my door at 1:30 am. I go to the door and the cops are there. The policeman asked me “How many people live in this house?” I told him “Me my wife and 3 children.” He said go inside shut all the lights off get everyone up and come downstairs. We get downstairs to find 3 policemen on my porch with assault rifles aimed at the house next door. The policemen said we need to stay in the shadows, go to our driveway and take a left (opposite of my neighbors) and run in the that direction about 4 houses and get behind another home. Turns out the were called there because someone in that house had a gun and was threatening to harm himself.

About a month later I am outside mowing my lawn and a young man drives up in one of their cars and parks in front of my house. When the young man exited he starts working on the bumper of their clunker truck. Pulling off the rear bumper and other stuff. I hadn’t seen this guy before so I asked him “Do you think it’s rude to park in front of other peoples’ houses?” He said “Well your neighbor told me to park here.” I said ” She doesn’t live here, I do. Again do you think it’s rude to park continuously every single day in front of someone else’s house? ” He again said “She told me to!” I continued doing my lawn in disgust and finished it.

About 3 hours later the was a knock at my door. I open it up and there is another policeman standing at my door. He says “We got a call from your neighbor saying “He feels threatened by you.” He then goes on to reiterate that “You don’t own the street, and they can park there anytime they want.” I tried to explain to the policeman that I was not even remotely threatening to this guy, and that all I did was ask him if he though it was rude. ” He tells me “It’s not rude. If you don’t want people to park in front of your house you need to buy a large piece of land.”

I also found out later that one of the herd of people living next door works for dispatch, which explains the “Less than sympathetic” disposition of the police coming to my door.

I am seriously thinking of selling my house and moving. There are other regular life reasons, but partially because of this. I am desperate, please help.

The Revenge GuyHi,
Yup, neighbors can be real jerks…. but I’d be more worried about the safety of your family than anything else.

Tell me, what do you know about these people? Anything that you can use against them? It’s hard to deal with such assholes, especially when it’s in your front yard so you’re the first suspect if anything goes weird or wrong.

Check the bylaws for your street, see if there are regular parking regulations, like how long they can be there in front of your street. maybe call a city councillor and start complaining. Some type of official noise might work, or it might backfire badly.

Yeah, I might move…. or bide my time to take them down. Fake parking tickets. Oil stains in the street. Broken glass… Make it interesting anyways.

Good luck!

Neighbors: When To Get Even

The Revenge Guy

Do you need a little help getting even with neighbors that have done you wrong? Maybe an oldie but a goodie revenge technique is just what you need to help you get even and regain your stature as a self-reliant, not to be messed with, person. You know, we've all had bad neighbors. Heck, when we were younger, when our parents were away, we were the bad neighbors. And revenge requires that certain steps are first taken before the 'getting even action' begins.

So here is RG's "Steps of Revenge Preparation"

— document everything in a journal, make notes of dates, times, events, everything, leave nothing out and write down your entries on the day they happen

— protect your family and property with video surveillance

— contact your local city council (residential condominium strata council if you live in such a development) and understand the bylaws as they pertain to your situation

These simple steps, although time consuming, are necessary to make any type of revenge successful.

I have learned, over all, that there are no "good" upstairs neighbors. After all, no one ever (as far as I can remember and I have the memory of an elephant) has complained about their downstairs neighbors. So, if you're in the position of having to move into a place that has upstairs and downstairs neighbors, be the person on top. Or I'm sure I'll hear from you soon enough.

Can I Beat The Neighbors At Their Own Game? Read on…

Hi Revenge Guy,
This is a fairly recent problem.

I have lived next door 6 years (houses are very close) to a fairly wealthy younger than me couple who have 5 children ranging from 1-12. They recently extended their already huge house to a more huge house.

A couple of times I have asked the kids to stop bashing on the fence early in the morning and once I knocked on their door because their dog had barked constantly for hours. So a couple of months ago their dog barked constantly until around 2.30am (the dog is locked in the pool area which is right next to my bedroom window).

Their bedrooms are all located on the other side front of their house. I got up at 2.30am and wrote a nice note saying "Neighbor, its 2.30am and your dog hasn’t stopped barking could you please do something about it". In response I received a 3 page extremely nasty letter, telling me to get ear plugs, about my boyfriend’s motor bike, about my mother cats etc., etc.

I went and spoke to them and thought I had sorted it out, maybe? I then get a visit from my neighbour’s across the road who tell me that their old busy body neighbour had come to tell them that my neighbour’s had given me some home truths in a letter. I was so upset that I started playing music (pretty loud but not late). I then get a visit from the police telling me my neighbour, who I obviously had a problem with, had complained and I needed to turn down my music (this was at 8.30pm by no means late). Ever since I think my neighhbour is trying to get me to sell and move, they have now installed a skate ramp right next to the fence next to my bedroom window. The fence seems to be used as the buffer.

I just don’t know what to do. I’m 50 I live with my 74 year old mother and we are both very quiet. What can I do, I’m just about to have a nervous breakdown. I need a revenge to get them back and something they can’t pin on me. Neighbor husband is an engineer. His wife is fat and ugly, she is a home breeder. We do not have the same friends and I don’t have their phone number but know their names.
-Very Tired Homeowner

Revenge JokerHi Tired,
You are in a difficult position, there’s no doubt of that but it is time to fight back, so to speak.

Start with talking to your neighbors about your troubles. Video tape the offenses these people are making and be sure you capture all of the noise. Share this with the neighbors that are on your side. You need help from them. Youtube too maybe?

Check out your city planning department, once you have this evidence, about what they might be able to help you with. Doesn’t their property tax go up with the improvements they have made? Everyone loves the tax man coming for a visit.

Talk to your local city representative, the more noise you make the more fuel you add to your righteous fire.

Contact the local animal authority as well, dogs barking in the middle of the night are bad news for everyone and there’s usually fines that go along with that.

Detail everything and finally call your local TV and newspapers – bad neighbors make great news stories, especially considering your mother’s age.

I wouldn’t worry about being found out, they’ve pretty much have a household out of control and everyone knows it, shame can be a great motivator to get your neighbors under control.


Dear Revenge Guy,
About 6 years ago we purchased a vacation home by the. Everyone there was nice. Except for this one family…

I need some advice on what to do with them. Here are a few stories on all of them:

1. The husband. He seems to feel he is a "Decision Maker" for everything.

An example would be with the road. All because his driveway dips down a bit, so it sometimes puddles there when it rains, made him have the town raise the road a few inches, which wasn't really all that bad. However, we have an in-ground pool close to the street with several expensive items around it, so we had to spend about $500 getting paneling so the next rain doesn't pile up in the road and wash everything away. Not to mention overflow the pool.

He has actually annoyed the whole town. Not to mention he has a criminal record.

Oh-one more thing. One of our good neighbors said he washes his cars in OUR DRIVEWAY when we're not around. He also parks his car in our driveway when we're not around. He also did something that made my car battery die. I truly hate him.

2.The wife-Sometimes annoying. Here is another story:

I've always had stray cats around my vacation home. I never want them to starve, so I feed them. There was this one cat who came every day. About 2 weeks later, I noticed that she had 2 small kittens. I noticed later that they lived under another neighbor's shed.

I planned to either adopt them or give them to a relative who's cat recently died.

Well guess what-after the wife found out we were feeding cats and that they lived next to them, I instantly knew by the way she acted that she was going to get them removed and probably killed.

They were not even on her property, and she still thinks she can get them taken killed!!!! She knew I was going to adopt them, but, still!!!!!! The nerve!!!!!!

I am, at the moment, arranging plans to report this to the authorities, but I haven't succeeded yet. I really hope I can adopt them! They are adorable!

3. The son:

He is somewhere in his thirties, and owns a small company that resells computers and other technological items to businesses.

When my computer broke, I decided to get one from him. It was good overall, but I needed something else. I left him a voicemail message telling him I wanted it.

What does he do?

He charges my credit card without verifying or asking me what I wanted in any way!!!!!!

One more thing-He charged us more than $100 more than it retails for, and raised it more than $50 than he said it sells for!!!!

I can't believe I was ripped off.

So, you see, I just can't live with these people in my neighborhood.

They're a menace to society!!!!! Sometimes I feel like taking a siren (I have a Federal Model A, for you siren fans) and setting it right off in they're yard!!!
Thank you,

Revenge JokerHi Paul,
Yes, you need to take matters into your own hands.

We’ll start from the last:

3. If he sold you a computer and charged your credit card without authorization you should have immediately (as soon as you found out) called the credit card company and had the charge reversed. If you don’t do this, who will look after your credit?

2. Call the authorities… don’t jump top conclusions, all that does is raise the blood pressure.

1. Get a video surveillance system, they’re cheap enough.

Catch him in the act and call the police. AND, if your neighbors are talking about what he does in your driveway when you’re away, get them to take some pictures! Someone has to watch over your property when you’re not there! Make friends, watch each other’s backs!

And get the info and do all you legally can to this jerk.

You didn’t give me an idea of what you actually know about these people, names, jobs, phone numbers, address, etc…

If you have any of that, start a campaign of posters “For rent” around town with their place on it. Do the same with their phone number, a “moving sale” with cheaply priced furniture will get the calls coming for them.
Go get’em!

Dear Revenge Guy,
I have loud neighbors.

They have 3 Harley bikes I told them to please stop revving the bikes by my house.

Now they rev more. What can I do?


Revenge JokerHi,
The first thing I have to ask is:
Do you want to be friends or enemies with your neighbors?

Talk to them again about why the noise is disturbing. Thank them for keeping the noise to reasonable hours.

Talk to your other neighbors and have them also speak to the guys making the noise. Complaints are better when focused by a group rather than an individual.

Call the police and complain about the noise. Suggest that the motorcycles may be unlicensed, uninsured, hazardous drivers, and so on.
Keep a detailed journal of their comings and goings and the ensuing noise.
Talk to your neighbors and start a petition concerning noise control. Take the petition to your city councillor.

Call the police again.

Put up a fence and sue them for the cost of it.
Install video cameras or have one handy to record the noise and problems these neighbors are causing.

Keep the pressure up about their poor behavior. Keep neighbors and the police and city hall involved in your "loss of enjoyment of property". Call a lawyer and threaten to sue.

Threaten to sue your noisy neighbors.

Threaten to sue city hall for not enforcing noise bylaws.

Along the side of your property that abuts their property start storing garbage. Let the smell fester so that they won’t want to be outside anymore.
Park your car in the street, not in your driveway. Get them to drive around it.
Water your yard. A lot. Let the water flood the street. Let them drive through the mess.

Start outdoor parties for the local children. Offer free sodas, meet the kids parents. Keep the street busy during the usual noisy periods and force them to behave.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,
I love your website. I was hoping you could help me with my pain in the ass neighbor.

My wife and I have a cat that likes to walk through his back yard sometimes. Our yard is fenced but the cat just climbs over and likes to sit under a tree in his yard.

Our butthead neighbor has three dogs that chase my cat away. No big deal if the cats in his yard. However, this evening I caught him opening the front door to let his dog out so it could chase my cat out of our own front yard. This is the third time I caught him urging his dogs on my cat while he was in his own yard.

I called the S.P.C.A. and all they did is inform him that he can set a trap in his yard to catch my cat. I know he will set a trap and bait it with tuna.

If and when he catches my cat, and every other cat in the neighborhood, he will torture it and most likely kill him. What do you suggest I do?

I don’t want to keep my cat indoors all day, a prisoner in his own home.

By the way there is so much dog crap in his yard I can’t open my windows without the odor fumigating my entire house. Hope you can suggest something. I really hate this guy.

Revenge JokerHi Greg,
It’s a known fact that cats that are outdoor wander around. They dig in gardens, all that stuff. Generally they aren’t a nuisance as much as the people that complain about them.

I’d like to know why the SPCA told your neighbor to trap the cat after talking to you. That seems suspicious to me, unless the cat is destroying property I’m not sure someone is allowed to put out animal traps on their suburban property. You need to check your local bylaws about this.

You need to either decide that you have to keep the cat inside, or figure out a way to protect it outside.

As well, you need to take your complaints to city hall about your neighbor. It’s time to get the video camera out. Get video of the dogs misbehaving. Get video of the dog crap all over the place (a likely health hazard!). Get video of your idiot neighbor being a jerk. The more video evidence you have the better off you’ll be when this confrontation escalates. And get worse it will.

Of course, I’d also start throwing chunks of cheese over the fence for the dogs to eat. Old cheddar really messes with a dog’s poo. They get the runs and farts real bad. Just don’t get caught tossing it over.

And if your jerk neighbor does decide to put out traps, I’d start littering his yard in the middle of the night with dry cat food. Let him catch all the cats he wants until he’s so tired of dealing with them that he gives up, hehe.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,
I cannot seem to keep a car for very long because middle-age women in Chevy Blazers like to run stop signs and hit me.

A few months ago, I bought my first car, a cheap Honda Civic. Only after one month, a woman in a Chevy Blazer ran a stop sign and hit my car. I had a typical insurance battle, everything went smooth in the end with the decent amount for the car they gave me, and got myself a Ford Probe out of it.

This car was in excellent condition. I just had it for four months when, low and behold, another woman in a Chevy Blazer runs a stop sign and demolishes it. I got screwed out of $1000 by the insurance company, and am still mourning the loss of my "baby".

There was no damage to her car, and I am just furious that I have to suffer because of bad drivers. I am a college student (an art major if it matters), and therefore do not have money to hire a lawyer and such, or the time to deal with it besides at 3 in the morning, because of the fact I am a struggling working student.

I believe that she should have to pay for smashing my dream. The worst part is that I couldn’t get a rental car right away because I am under 21, which is the minimal age to rent a car at the rental companies around my area. This really put a halt on my life because I commute an hour every day.

I seriously have nightmares about Chevy Blazers now, and need to come to closure from this in a way that won’t get me arrested.

Please help me, I am sick of being screwed by women in Chevy Blazers!
Ms. Chevy Blazer Magnet

Revenge JokerHi Ms. Chevy Blazer Magnet,
I feel for you, I really do.

But I’m not sure what you can do against all the drivers of Chevy Blazers out there other than to try your best to steer clear.

I do hope that you can find a lawyer on a contingency basis to sue the lady that left you underpaid for your car.

SUV’s in general are driven, for the most part, by asses. These people park however they want, the don’t shoulder check when changing lanes and they cut other drivers off all the time. And never mind their cell phone usage while driving a car full of kids around.

Geesh, it’s really an unsafe world out there.

Of course, you could make some custom bumper stickers up (you can get the blanks at any office supplies store and print your own) that say "I am a careless Blazer driver" and stick them on the back bumpers of all the Blazers you see.

Helping to warn others will help you overcome your fears and provide you with the revenge you seek

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,
I have a next door neighbor who is obsessed with his lawn. Many of my neighbors are, but not to this extent.

He mows it several times a week and takes an entire day to mow each time. It takes him four-five hours approximately to mow half an acre with a riding mower. Then he gets out a push mower and mows again.

If it is nice the next day, he gets out the riding mower and does it a second time. Nothing like having a nice short lawn!. He has no job, so there is no incentive for him to go anywhere except out to fuss with his yard.

Now I wouldn’t care, except I work at home, and the riding mower’s noise is beyond obnoxious (90 plus decibels). When I close all my windows and turn on the stereo, I can still hear vibrations going through everything and the china rattling. I would sabotage the mower except I don’t know where he keeps it, and I don’t want to get in trouble for trespassing.

Also calling the police when he was at it during the night didn’t work either. Please don’t suggest asking nicely to restrict the noise – asking inconsiderate jerks nicely for anything has never worked in my life. Thanks.

Revenge JokerHi Grateful,
If had a neighbor like that and after talking to him his behavior didn’t change I’d start a major campaign against him.

First off I’d get myself a video camera and record him mowing his lawn for a couple of times a week, so I have visual evidence of his compulsive behavior and the noise level. I’d follow up with a noise level meter to record the actual noise levels.

Some communities have bylaws that limit the amount of noise pollution that things can give off. I’d take all of the recordings down to city hall and start complaining. Maybe start a blog about this bad neighbor too. Sometimes when the info is online public officials tend to work a little harder. Maybe even you can get one of the city councilors to your home when he starts mowing so they can experience the trouble first hand.

I’d put up a big 4×8 foot plywood sign detailing the trouble with the neighbor that always mows. Something like "Can you hear what I hear when he mows his lawn 3 times a week?" Nothing rude or upsetting, just an explanation or apology to the other neighbors and travelers that come near the noise. Try to embarrass the guy a little but not too much.

I’d think about a loud outdoor stereo system, to blast back. A type of sound war, if the above didn’t work.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,
I live in a trailer park that the houses are close together.

There is a annoying woman that claims she works nights. So on the weekends when I’m home working on the house she has come up and yelled for sawing wood, yelled at my son for mowing lawn. She’s even yelled at our neighbors for music on it their own house.

Last weekend the hag called the cops on us cause we had music going in our house, no not speakers propped up against the windows either, just music going so we could hear through out the house. We didn’t get ticketed but this women is getting worse. The cop even said he could hardly hear the music.

This goes on in the middle of the afternoons, on the weekends, like at 2 o’clock pm. I need some help dealing with this hag.

The cops say since there a complaint they have to come. What should I do? I feel like a prisoner in my own house afraid to make a noise or the cops will come. HELP!!

Revenge JokerHi,
You need to be proactive here, since this freaky neighbor really has no reason to call the cops on you.

This is what I’d do:
1. Call the local city council and get a copy of the local noise bylaws. Make sure you read it and understand it. Keep a copy of it handy for the next time she complains so you can give it to her.

2. Call the police and talk to someone in charge about the harassment you are getting with her calling the police on you for unfounded noise complaints, contrary to the bylaws. If you present your case well enough, they’ll talk to her and then stop responding to her complaints.

3. Talk to your neighbors, it’s likely they have to put up with the same crap. Make sure they know how to deal with her as well and start a petition against her. Maybe that will help to force her to move out.

4. Talk to the park management or owners, make sure they understand the hell she’s putting you through with her unfounded and outrageous complaints. Along with your petition and support from your neighbors they may step in and talk with her.

5. Start weekly outdoor get-togethers with your neighbors, as an excuse to be a little louder than normal. It’s innocent enough and is she really going to come out after all of you? Sure she will. Have a video camera handy and with the ensuing screaming that she’ll make take the evidence down to the courthouse and file a complaint and a restraining order against her.

6. Don’t change how you are living your life, don’t let her win. Stand up to her and help her to understand that just because she has to kill chickens in the middle of the night to have a job it isn’t your problem and if she needs peace and quiet, to move somewhere else.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Hi Revenge Guy,
I became friends with a neighborhood kid down the street. I would give him work and help him and his mother when they requested it. When the boy came over he would bring his small dog because the dog would like the company with my dogs. Well when the mother would ask to borrow money or ask for help I would help out though it got to be I would have to bug her to get my money back. She would expect and give nothing in return not even appreciation.

They decided to move to another state and asked if I would take their dog for a couple weeks until they could send the money to have the dog sent up there. I accepted. Weeks, months went by and no money. We would talk on the phone and they wanted me to send the dog up and they would pay me back.

Well, knowing from experience I told them to send the money first. In the meantime the dog ran out and got hit by a car. I rushed took her to a animal emergency to try and safe her life. To save the dog cost almost $4000 in vet bills. She is a healthy dog now. That was my decision to save the dog and she is a great dog. When I told my x-neighbor what happened they acted like they did not want the dog anymore and would not want to even communicate with me like I am no longer a friend.

Well, I knew it was my decision to spend the money and save the dog but no gratitude at all. I love the dog and I am glad I saved her but if they would have sent the money from the start like was promised and agreed on, none of this would have happened. They have been taking advantage of my giving from the start. They probably got another pet by now.

I want to get revenge but I don’t know how since they are about 1000 miles away. I am upset because all I’ve done was to help them and when I just need some moral support they have nothing to do with me. I want to get them revenge.
Thanks, DJ

Revenge JokerHi DJ,
It sure sucks to be taken advantage like that.

I really hate people that feel it’s your obligation to help them out, then they aren’t even grateful for the help!

Revenge against people like this sure is sweet.

Here’s what I suggest:
The dog that you now have has been discovered! Yes, this dog is exactly what a casting agent decided her next commercial needs in it. The pay is great too! $3,000.00 per commercial and a residual every time the commercial is run on TV.
You’ve struck it rich! You’re sure to make big $$ from this dog. And this is only the beginning! There could be more commercials. Movies. The sky is the limit.

And this is the story I’d tell them the next time you hear from them. And I’d be sure to tell them to not call anymore. Don’t put this in writing. Over the phone only. No emails, nothing written down.

I hope this helps!

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Hi, great site.

HELP. I rent a small piece of land that I have built a small motocross track. Of course I had problems with a neighbor. So he called the cops several times on us but we were legal so the cops did nothing.

So he called the zoning board. Again we were legal. So he some how got a hold of the insurance company that insures the land and they shut us down.

Now after four long years of building a great track it is gone due to one asshole.

I want to do something but I also know that I will be the first suspect if something shady happens. PLEASE HELP!
Pissed MXer

Revenge JokerHi Pissed,
I don’t know why you want to do something shady, I’d think of annoying first and foremost.

Get a copy of the insurance papers and read them, see what can and can’t be done on the property.

Then I’d start renting the field out to rock bands to practice, RC (Remote Control) plane clubs. Find out about what can be done and do it. The more noise the better.

You could even place posters up telling of an upcoming event, only to be cancelled because of your neighbor, that will get people stirred up against him.

Have you told your story to the local newspapers yet? They love this type of neighborhood feud story.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Hi Revenge Guy,
Well i made a foolish decision and signed a contract with a company and handed them over $110.00 I did some research and found out legally if i go back within 5 days i can cancel the contract and take back my money… They refused. the only option now is to get a lawyer and take them to court but that’s only gonna cost me more. I wanna get dirty and show them they cant f**k over everyone without gettin f**ked back. They are located in an office space on the 9th floor of a building.

I have considered and probably will make numerous calls to various pizza delivery stores with huge orders from "there place of business". next i have contemplated pushing fart bombs under the door during there business hours, going to there place of business b4 they open and leave a pile of horse manure and or Fish guts all over the carpet and door in front of there office.

My last plan of attack was to spray mace also know as bear spray or pepper spray into there office during business hours making breathing incredibly hard, tears to pore from there eyes, and a burning sensation all over.

However i would like some other ideas to get these people back. hope to hear from you soon.

Why would you want to open yourself up to legal problems from them? If they have ripped you off, they’ve ripped others off just as successfully.

I’d picket their office with a sign and handouts stating what the problem is, how you got ripped off. Have someone call the local TV and radio news stations, maybe you’ll get lucky and it’ll be a slow news day and you make the 6:00 news.

Spend a few hours getting the attention your plight deserves will be the best revenge. Plus you just may get your money back!
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,
In trying to find a tenant for a condo I just purchased, I have placed numerous “For Rent” signs on the corner of my block, between someone’s sidewalk and the street, completely out of the way.

The signs seem to disappear after a few days each time I put one up.

I’d love to catch the “thieving bastard” or at least get even with the person….any ideas?

Hi D,
Go to your local hardware store and get the slowest slow-drying paint or glue you can get. They have stuff that can take days to dry.

When you put up your next sign, cover the back with it.
That’ll teach the thieving bastards a lesson!


Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Hi RG,
I live in a basement apartment and have a real problem with the guy that lives upstairs.

He’s an artist and a real a@@hole. He works at night at home, starting around 11pm. He always has friends coming over for a party when he paints. He says it helps him to be inspired. I know it’s just so he can party and smoke pot with his friends.

The noise keeps me up and since I have a regular day job, it’s really hard on me.

The owner of the house won’t do anything. He talks to the guy, says it won’t happen again, but the noise and parties always start again. I can’t afford to move out and need advice on what I can do to get revenge. I’m a 5’4" girl, so beating him up isn’t going to work.

Any suggestions?

Hi Susan,
Fighting fire with fire isn’t going to work here. Since you have a job and he’s a stay at home bum, he really has the upper hand.

But of course, he does have to sleep sometime. This is what I suggest: get yourself the loudest alarm clock you can get. Something with a constant buzzer and set it for an hour after you leave for work.

It’s likely that he sleeps while you’re at work, and ‘forgetting’ to reset your alarm a few times will start to send him a message. Another favorite of mine is to pay attention to when he showers.

Then, every once in a while, run your hot water about an hour before his usual shower time. Drain all the hot water. Let him experience a few cold showers.

If he complains to you, and he will, just apologize and forget about it. Start again in a few days, just like he does. You might also want to start cooking smelly things. Fish is good. There’s nothing like the rising odor of a good fish meal to really fill the air.

Your goal here is everyday living that becomes aggravating to him. Nothing too obvious. With luck, he’ll get the message, clean up his act or just move out.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,
I live alone in a nice house, in a nice part of town. But my neighbor takes advantage of the fact that I only put out one can of garbage a week and he has more that the city will allow him to put out.

He’s always sneaking some of his garbage out beside mine so the garbage men will take it.

Sometimes his bags break when they come to pick it up and I end up cleaning up the mess when I come home from work. What can I do to get even with him without causing a lot of trouble in my neighborhood?
Trashed On in Heartvale

Hi Trashed On,
Some people just feel it’s their right to take advantage of the property of others and this is exactly what this guy is doing. It would be easy to say "Report him" to the local bylaw office or city hall, but I don’t believe that you really want to get him in serious trouble, I think you just want him to keep his trash to himself.

I’ll also bet that you leave for work near the same time when he does, so you’ve seen him do it, so just returning his garbage to his front yard probably isn’t an option you’d like to take (avoid the confrontation).

So, this is what I suggest you do: Dig out your old tax bill and scan it into your computer (you have a scanner, don’t you?), then with the OCR program and a little trial and error, you can fake a bill or official looking letter for extra taxes due to the amount of garbage you are putting out each week.

Then with official-looking bill/letter in hand, pay a visit to your neighbor and ask him if he’s noticed anything going on. This will get the message across that he’s doing something that is going to cost you and it should, I hope, guilt him into either confessing, or at the least, stopping his behavior.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,
Here is my problem: I have a basketball hoop in front of my house and my kids play ball in the street.

Good kids, no problems, stay out of trouble but my asshole neighbor doesn’t like it so he parks his car in front of the hoop so they can’t play. He has called the police, wrote letters to the village board and both have said no law is being broken and we’re doing nothing wrong so now he parks on our side of street under the hoop so the kids can’t play. The kids don’t play all the time and are not allowed after dark. He is just being a ass. Also he won’t do it when I’m home only when I’m at work. He is not elderly, probably 40-45 yrs old.

Please give me a great idea so I can get him not to park there or something I can get him with.
Thank you, Hoops

Revenge JokerHi

Put up a sign near the hoop, "Please, no rock throwing at the hoops!"

Hopefully he’ll get the idea that his car is in danger.

If that didn’t work I would buy a second basketball hoop.
Place them 30 feet apart.
Let the kids go wild.

Get some street chalk and draw out a basketball court. Make sure one of the ‘out of bounds’ lines borders on his property lines. Clearly write "Out Of Bounds" on your side of the line with arrows pointing towards his side of the street.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Neighbors Can be Inconsiderate Bastards

The Revenge Guy

There are simple steps to avoid getting bad neighbors… but they're a secret so you'll have to suffer and plot revenge instead…

Dear Revenge Guy,

My boyfriend and I rented this townhouse and the HOA is run by your typical older, bitter woman on a power trip.

Monday was a holiday and typically trash pick up day. I suggested to my boyfriend to put the trash out Tuesday, but I was incorrect on the make up of the trash day. We later found the trash on our doorstep, courtesy of the HOA lady.

She also follows around the neighbors that have dogs in her SUV to make sure they’re cleaning up after their dogs. She will literally sit there in her car and watch them until the dog is done, and the couple has retreated their house and then start her complaining.

She also called our landlords and threatened to have us evicted because she suspected we were running a business out of our garage, (my boyfriend works in power-tools and builds us things like a TV stand, headboard, etc). We don’t sell anything he makes – its just a hobby and he never runs the tools past 9 pm as per the bi-laws.

What type of revenge can I evoke that will remind this mean lady that you catch more flies with honey? I really want to tactfully call her out on her "power trip" ways and teach her to be human. However, hauling my smelly garbage is pretty self satisfactory. Any ideas?
Thanks, Texas Couple

Revenge Joker

Hi Texas Couple,
This is one nosy woman!

The best way to take care of this is:
1. Start a journal of times, dates and places that she is watching you and/or your neighbors;
2. Watch HER back… take out a camera, video her, whatever, just so she knows what’s going on, that she knows that you know… blah, blah…
3. Contact your current landlord and get a copy of the bylaws. See where this lady’s “observing you” is contrary to the right of enjoyment of the property, send her a photocopy and a note saying you’ll sue her, get her kicked out, etc.

HOA’s are usually pretty uptight about having people threatening their collective insurance costs due to legal problems and will usually force the person to sell their unit and move instead of dealing with their behavior towards others in the courts.

That is what I’d do… and maybe… just as a bonus, attach a note to her door thanking her for “cleaning up” the garbage because of the mix-up about the change in garbage days. You don’t have to sign it, it’s just another “you know that she knows” type of things.

And the next time she calls your landlord, invite him over to talk about “this problem”. I’m sure that YOUR lease says something about ”enjoyment of premises” so if you can’t sue HER you can sue HIM until the issue of your privacy is resolved.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,

We have some nasty neighbors that live beside us. We have lived at the same house for over 10 years. When they moved in, 4 years ago, we told them we had planned on getting a pool and their family would be welcome to come swimming any time. They answered with "If we want to go to the pool we’ll go to the country club." Need I say more about the people we’re dealing with? And, the husband is a lawyer.

Right before we installed a pool, a year later, they wanted us to put it where they wanted it. They said that if we didn’t they would cause as much trouble for us as possible. They said, "Just because we’re neighbors doesn’t mean we have to be friends."

The first day that it was open, my birthday, they called the police for noise disturbance. It was just me and my husband. How much noise could that be? Next, they filed a lawsuit saying our light was trespassing on their property. By trespassing I mean the light was touching their property. I told my husband, "Just shut off the light. They will be back." They came back. The got the homeowner’s association involved. The complaint was not that we played our music too loud but, we played it too long (I would turn on music about 11am-5pm). We filed a lawsuit against the homeowner’s association asking them to prove that what we were doing was wrong. Long story short, everything was dropped. My problem: The amount I had to pay my lawyer to defend my right to enjoy my property. HOW CAN I GET BACK AT THESE MONSTER NEIGHBORS?

Revenge JokerDear Rachel,
In your position what I’d do is start inviting members of the HOA to a weekly swim, BBQ or other type of gathering. Heal the bad feelings that may linger while further irritating your bastard neighbors.

As well, invite your friends to have their son’s/daughters birthday parties, after school swims, whatever you can to have some good times in your backyard during the day, ending before 10:00pm.

Your neighbor is a lawyer? He’ll know how far you can go before you cross the rules, but he’ll still try to force you to do what he wants.

As well, I’d start doing some reading of the HOA bylaws. It’s very likely he’s breaking some rules that he’s not even aware of. Turn their home life upside down, that’s what I’d do. I’d also try to get on the board of the HOA, make some changes complimentary to your lifestyle when possible and contrary to what your idiot neighbors like. When you’re on the HOA, maybe you can get their particular type of car banned because of size, height, even green house gasses!
Let the noise start!!

And, I’d post a copy of the dismissed suit against you on your front
Keep memories alive.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,

I have a situation in the laundry room in my apartment building. Twice, someone has stolen my nearly full bottle of Tide. I know, I know: fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice shame on me. It just ticks me off that I can’t trust the 8 other people I live with in my apartment building. Plus, Tide is expensive! Anyway, I’m not sure who is stealing my Tide, but I have my suspicions. Still, I don’t know for sure.

Both times the Tide has been stolen, it was when I left the soap in the laundry room while the machine was washing my clothes. It seems like the culprit listens to see if the washing machine is running and then goes and checks to see if any soap has been left in the laundry room.

I need your advice. I bought a small bottle of Tide and filled it half with bleach. I was planning to leave the bottle in the laundry room and let it get stolen again, so that when the thief used the doctored soap to wash clothes, the clothes would get bleached. However, the soap and bleach reacted when I mixed them together, and it just made a bubbly mess. I thought about mixing dye with bleach, but I don’t want to ruin the washing machine and/or other people’s clothes in the apartment.

Here’s where you come in. Any advice?

Revenge JokerDear Zeke,
There is a powered solution that you can mix with powder Tide and get the creep that steals your soap.

Pretty well any other powered cleaner will do, just to mix together but my suggestion would be to mix the laundry soap with a powered food, like instant potato flakes.

They’ll make a hell of a mess but easily be cleaned in the washer by just running it through another cycle.

The clothes, however, will be ruined.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy

I have a neighbor who copies Everything I Do.

I love to garden and now her house looks just like mine, she sees I have something new she will drive and drive till she can find it. And to top that off she is so rude to me and my family she is 50 or older woman who does not work and I’m in my 30’s stay at home mom.

When I’m out gardening I can feel her watching me though her window or at night I’m outside watering she is sitting on her bench outside watching me in the dark she has a family and she has them believing that I am coping her and doing all this freaky stuff.

She even went as far as getting the same exact dog as us we have, she is so frustrating! In time I wish I could just move but of course this is not an option What do I do to get revenge on this women so her family can really see what she is like?
Thanks for your help!

Revenge JokerHi,
I once saw this exact same thing in a “Dear Abby” column.
Dear Abby said that her copying you is a form of flattery. She obviously has no self-esteem, cannot make decisions on her own, and she likes your sense of style.
It is flattery, after all. Creepy, but a compliment.

And I’m sure her family has a great idea as to the type of person she is.

As for revenge, if you still have “neighborly chats” with this woman what I’d do is chat it up with her about changes you’re going to make, inside and outside your home. Mislead her as to the changes you’re planning. Re-enforce your chats with having trades people come by, kitchen renovators, garden centers, all kinds of trades.

Maybe talk about putting a pond in the backyard. That’s major maintenance, let her get one first.

Re-paving or otherwise redoing your driveways and walkways. Major work and expense. Let her think you’re doing it and maybe she’ll do it first. Go to your local garden store and pick up about a dozen stone blocks to try out on your driveway.

I hope my suggestions help!
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Revenge Guy,

I have a big problem with my neighbors who live across the street from me. I live in a suburb of Houston, Texas. I live on a street of only 13 homes on 1 acre sites. I moved here 3 years ago. It was peaceful and the neighbors are all nice. But last year a non-english speaking family with 3 children moved in.

They do not fit in on our street at all. You can’t talk to them because they only know spanish. All the neighbors including my self can not understand how they can afford a $260,000.00 house we think they are illegal!

The problem is they play Latino music loud all the time, they have low riding thugs come over and they stare and my daughters and everything we have. So we spent $3000.00 on a privacy fence to block their view, which I had not planned on doing!

Their son I’m guessing is around 13 yrs old drives a loud four wheeler all the time! I can’t even stand to go out and do my yard work or just enjoy time outside. My husband and I planned on staying here we have done so many improvements I hate to have them run me out! I want to run them out!! Can you give me Ideas on how to make their life here as miserable as they have made mine.
Thanks, House in Houston

Revenge Joker

Dear Fed Up,
I think you need to talk to the police. Just go into the local station and have a talk with them.

And then the next stop is your local city hall and find out about bylaws for traffic, privacy and land use.

You can’t choose your neighbors, like you can your friends, but you can make sure they play by the local rules/laws.

And for the hell of it, get a loud stereo and play some Tom Jones outside while you garden.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Hello Revenge Guy,

I would like some help with creating some "instant karma" for my inconsiderate neighbors.

We live on a lake and have been in our home for over a decade. Our neighbors have always been civil and we have had an okay relationship with them.

About 18 months ago, they came to us with an idea about putting a garage on the lot line, towards the lake, we said that we did not like that idea for many reasons including: losing morning sun, drainage issues, snow buildup issues, an echo at our house (as our patio where we entertain is right there) and on and on… Essentially, we would have a big wall where a big open area used to be.

At that time they said they would "take it into consideration". They have decided to go ahead with the project now and have never talked to us about it again. (actually they have pretty much ignored us). They only come out on weekends, and are turning a nice, lake setting into a lot with 10 pounds of sh-t packed onto a 5 pound lot, they’re just weekend warriors. I would like to know what your thoughts are on showing them my dissatisfaction for years to come.
any ideas?

Revenge JokerHi,
There are always building codes and local bylaws to govern the construction of any permanent building that has walls and a roof. Do some research into this, you may have a legal answer to your revenge request.

Get them harassed by the building inspectors, get a new survey done of your land so you know exactly where the boundary is and make sure they don’t build too close to the property line (there are usually bylaws against building within 10 feet of the property line, or some distance close to ten feet). That would be first.

Second would be talking to a lawyer about the "loss of enjoyment" you are suffering, there may be a legal civil suit there somewhere.

Thirdly I’d plant a whole lot of fruit trees along your mutual border.
They take away your view, you harass them year after year with leaves and over-ripe fruit falling on their side.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,
Me and my wife recently moved in to a new house we have a 5yr old child. Now our neighbors have been sending their child over to our house,  that’s usually fine but they send her over for 3-5 hours a day!

This is as soon as I come home from work which makes it that much more frustrating. The child doesn’t listen to a word we say and is always fighting with our son, then on top of that we’ve went over and talked to her parents about this they tell us to tell her to behave and that they won’t let her stay as long anymore.

At first they did then they started "we’ll pick her up in an hour", 1 hour goes by they’re not there to pick her up, 2 then 3 then 4 then 5 then 6 hours later they come back, and where have they been? At the movies then they went to dinner, no call to us, no nothing!

What I find to be even more frustrating of all is that they never once invite my son over to play at their house.

Now a month later nothing has changed, she is still in our house 3-5 hours a day misbehaving, touching stuff she shouldn’t be touching, slamming doors, yelling at and hitting our son now! At time she’s a very sensitive girl so its hard to ask her to leave without hurting her feelings. How do we send the message to her parents that were not a daycare?
Please help us R.G
M in OH

Revenge JokerDear M in OH,
Quite simply I’d post a sign on your front door that says “Sorry, no play dates today, we are sick in this house.”
Should the child just walk into your home, hand her the note and send her on her way.

Some people just take advantage and this has to stop or you’ll be supporting them through high school with free daycare.
The note option should hold them off and when you get a good chance to talk with them, do so. Explain that “play dates” and “babysitting” are two different things.

Play dates are agreed by both families for convenient times;
Babysitting is not anything you are willing to do but you can certainly recommend some for them.

Should you be stuck again with the child, have a sit down with her and tell her the rules of being in your home.
Go so far as giving her time outs, sitting in the corner on a chair, when she misbehaves.

Call her parents immediately telling them what is going on.

And, to protect yourself, start a journal of when you have had the child in your home and the parents have been unreachable.
Document all times and dates that you have had the child in your house. Add the instances of misbehavior of the child and the corrective measures you took towards her.

I can see this spilling into nasty words between you and this inconsiderate couple. But I don’t see losing them as friends much of a loss.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,

I need some solid advise in regards to an ongoing situation with the neighbor hat doesn't seem to go away.

I live in a large condominium association in Rancho Mirage, CA. When I purchased my unit, there were 3 other families in my common area and we all share a grassy area that leads to our individual entrances to our homes. Also, due to very bad planning our garages are situated in a way that if you pull your car up to the entrance area you will be parking in front of two people's garages and blocking them so they can't get their car out. Guess who owns one of the garages – me.

When I purchased my place, two elderly woman lived in the end unit and were very quiet. In fact, I never knew their names and rarely saw them. The only information I knew of them is that they both passed away about the same time and their unit was vacant. A few months passed and it was apparent that there were new owners in the unit. One day, a construction crew drove up and it was clear that they were remodelling the unit. Unfortunately, the contractors starting parking in front of my garage so I couldn't get out to go to work.

I started to get very irritated. I told the president of the homeowners association that these workers keep parking me in and he acted like I was the one being unreasonable and told me to tell them to move so I could get out. Okay, I did this, but many times I couldn't find them and I needed to leave to get to work. Then they started having their lunch on the lawn and leaving all of their trash which I would come home and pickup.

This went on for months until I just blew and started swearing up and down at these people. I found the new owners to be extremely self centered and acted like I was just some peon because I live here year round. This is a secondary home for them. They live in L.A.

One time when they blocked me in, I went to the door to ask them to move and the wife came out screaming for me to get the f____ off her property and called me a bitch. So you get the idea that there is bad blood from the get-go.

Well, eventually, things calmed down and I just avoided them and never gave any of this any more thought. Five months ago, they were here for the weekend, and they came to my door. My husband answered and they asked if anyone in the household owned a blue car. My husband told them my son owns a blue car and asked him to come to the door and see what these people wanted. They said that someone with a blue car hit their car that was parked in the public parking area.

My son said it was not him so my husband said let's all go out and look at what you are referring to. Their car was a black Lexus sedan and it had a fairly good size ding it the back door. They showed my husband and son a mark on my son's Chevy Aveo about the size of a pen point on his driver side passenger door and claimed that this is where he must have hit their door. My husband is not only a doctor but a PHD, MDA and is a very fair person. He looked at this and told these people he did not see any correlation between the damage on their car and this pinprick mark on my son's car. Besides, when I purchased my son's car, it had some small dings on it.

My husband and son walked away and went back in the house. Five minutes later, the 30 year old son of the owners of the car was back at our house banging on the front door. My son went to the door. This guy started threatening my son and of course my 18 year son started yelling back at him and swearing at him. My husband heard all of this and came out and asked what is it was that this guy wanted and he swore and stomped off our property.

After this incident, I told my son that I thought it would be best if he went to his dad's house with his car and stayed there until all of this died down. But he would not listen to me and the next day, my son went to his car to find that both driver and passenger side of his car had been keyed – I should say gauged. The estimate for the damage was $1,200.00. I called an attorney and the police, but of course, without catching the neighbor in the act, they told me they can't do anything. After feeling rotten for about a week, I just forgot it.

This past weekend, May 21st, apparently, the neighbors were here again for the weekend. I have two vehicles, one is an SUV which I drive most of the time, but I also have a Mercedes CLK 500 with very low mileage and keep in the garage at all times. I went to a company dinner on Sunday night and I was dropped off at my house at about 11PM that night by a coworker.

Our garage door was open which did not make me happy, but occasionally my husband forgets to put it down. I hadn't driven my Mercedes for 2 weeks and last time I did drive it I put gas in it. My gas mount is on the passenger side of my car. I decided to drive the Mercedes Monday morning. When I got to work and got out of my car I noticed on the passenger side of my car, right below the gas mount was a two foot long gauge where obviously my car had been keyed and you could tell it was fresh. Of course, I was extremely distraught. I called my son to ask him if he had seen anything and he told me that someone left a note on his car windshield warning him he can't park where he parked.

Later that day, the president of the homeowners association came knocking at our door to tell us we can't park in this so – called public spot because the "neighbor" was screaming about it. This is the same neighbor that is keying all of our cars, etc. First, you have to understand that this spot was blocked off as a no parking space because it is in front of one of the unit owners small golf cart garage, but the unit owner died years ago and no one with a golf cart has used this garage in 5 years – so it is no bad consequence to anyone if some parks in the spot. Further, it has absolutely nothing to do or in no way affects this neighbor that complained. It's not even close to their property.

I went back over to the president of the association with my car and showed him the damage to my Mercedes. He wishy washy acted like he would try to mediate, but I'm not convinced. So now these vicious neighbors have done $1,200 worth of damage to my son's car, and about $2,000 of damage to my Mercedes. In as much as I do not have 100% proof that they did this – it is just way too coincidental especially since my Mercedes has been in the garage and no where else in the last two weeks. I am so frustrated. I don't want to live here anymore, but it's not like I can just pick up and leave.

Please give me some advise – I am at my wit's end with this situation.

Revenge JokerHi Anna,
It's a tough position to be in when you know someone did something but don't have the proof.

What I would do is gather more info about these neighbors. Get their names, second home in LA info and start to work.

I'd use a service to call them in LA saying that their place was broken in to, where you are, and that they have to come immediately to view the damage. Make it all sound very official.

Waste their time on trips from LA to this home. When they are home post "party notices' around hand have them swarmed with uninvited guests. Make it hard for them to enjoy the place and it will be up for sale within a couple of months.

Also, read through the bylaws of the strata and see what offences these people make, you might have some valid, legal complaints directly against them that will be headaches for them to remain residents.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

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