Roommate Owes Me Money

Dear Revenge GuyDear Revenge Guy,

I have a roommate who is 3 weeks late on rent. She claims that her bank accounts were cancelled and is trying to set up a new one. She hasn’t been home for 3 weeks because she got a new job in a new city. I told her she needs to be out by the first of the month and give me the money she owes before she leaves. Every time I ask her what is going on with her bank accounts she comes up with a new story.

All of her possessions are still in the apartment but I’m worried she is going to take all her things while I’m gone and leave for good without paying.

How should I get my money or get back at her if she skips town for good?

Thanks for your help, you’re the best!

The Revenge Guy Hi,
I’d change the locks and let your landlord know what’s going on (if you’re not the landlord.

Best wishes,

Roommate Revenge

The Revenge Guy

Roommates – has there ever been a better,  worse, way to live?

I think that when you're old enough you move out of your parents place and move in with a roommate to make the cost less expensive.. then you learn the error of your ways and you get a place all your own. In between these moments of moving, you need revenge… this is where RG comes in!

Dear Revenge Guy,

My Husband and I have to have the world's worse housemate.

We rent the bottom half of a house. We cannot really afford to move, And we cannot tolerate our Housemate anymore.

Let me tell you about this guy…
He is permanently unemployed, He gets a job every two weeks, works just long enough to get a paycheck, pays his truck payment, and then quits.

He is a drunk, and spends all of his money on beer. He smells and has dishes left in 'his half' of the sink that haven't been washed since 2006. He refuses to shower, and has turned the living room into his private bedroom (The living room opens up onto the kitchen) He will not ever buy anything, using our dishsoap, toilet paper, detergent, etc.

He steals small items of food from us constantly to eat and pawn (always under a few dollars) when he isn't 'flush' from his most recent paycheck. He walks around muttering all the time, cusses at us and at the television, keeps the TV so loud that whenever I cook dinner I get a headache, and uses one dirty cookie sheet to cook 'instant dinners' when he can afford them, which chokes the whole house with smoke every time he does.

He smokes, and with the airflow in our house that means we are smoked out every hour. And he sleeps on the living room floor naked (nasty). Especially bad when friends come over or we have a pizza delivered or something.

He is downright mean, and literally will not listen to us when we ask him to do anything at all, including wash himself or cleaning up anything of his. No matter if we yell, try to bribe, be polite, or even talk to his family, he won't change.

The worst part is, his mom owns the house we are living in and lets him live there rent-free. She refuses to recognize what he is doing no matter what we tell her, even if we give her proof like photographs of him naked dead drunk asleep or smoking pot with his friends.

He kept two dogs locked in one of the upstairs bedrooms over a year ago, one of them starved to death (we couldn't get in to feed them) and the other the state came and took away, and yet he gets off scott-free. The police won't pay attention to us, and yet when we yell he calls them up to come over and threaten us.

The whole house still smells like doggie feces because he has never cleaned the room and keeps it locked.

There is much, much more that he does, like yelling at our friends, constantly changing the temperature, peeing on the bathroom wall and the living room floor when he's drunk, and a million other things… Since moving is not an option (we cannot afford another place even if there were someplace to move TO out here)

Is there anything we can do to get him to move out of his mother's rental house and out of our lives?

Some way to make 'leaving' more attractive than 'staying and living in his mom's house rent free'?

Revenge JokerHi,

Unfortunately you're living with a freeloading asshole. And he's caught you, your husband, and his own family in his twisted, mentally deficient life.

The guy needs medical and psychological help, and now.

What I suggest is talking to the police and the local mental health department.
Document everything.

He needs help and you need a better life.

Either he goes, carried away by the state because he can't live like a normal person, or you move.

I strongly suggest that you "invite" local mental health workers to "hang out" in your house for a while… they will know what, and how, do get him out and help.

But start saving those pennies, one way or another, there's a move in your future.

There is a limit to revenge and when the target is mentally deficient, there just isn't a way to make them understand action and consequence. What could you do that would be worse that what he does to himself?

There is no revenge advice here, nothing that will make him move after all you have told me. Naked pictures, drug use, dead dogs… face it, you're just watchers over this sick asshole… and his family, not just this guy himself, are abusing you.
But, he is a risk to himself, and to you, a deadly risk.

Best wishes, RG

Dear Revenge Guy,
I moved in with two people who I thought were my friends in August.

Besides little problems with them eating my food, it wasn’t too bad.

During finals week my other roommate and I were trying to pick up the slack of the beginning of the semester and trying to study.

My other roommate knew about two weeks before that she would be done with her finals on Tuesday and would be partying. Knowing that I had finals Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday she said should would go out somewhere else to drink.

However, that Tuesday night she decided to have a party. I asked her into my room and nicely asked her to have everyone out within an hour so I could study and sleep. An hour and fifteen minutes later I went out into the front room and confronted everyone.

My roommate having the party said that my other roommate was her "spokesperson" and she was too drunk to talk with me. My other roommate who was supposed to be studying but decided to party, told me they would keep the music down. I told him I could hear them screaming from the other end of the apartment, but he did nothing.

The next morning I wrote them an email telling them we need to talk. It’s been 2 weeks and I still haven’t heard from them. I think one of my roommates took off for California leaving my with the bills to pay. I hope he’ll be back soon since he owes me money.

I want something to pay them back for what they did besides subletting the room.

Revenge Joker

Hi Angry,
Well, this is going to be one of those lessons… you want revenge but you need them to pay their bills first.

Take the high road here, get their money first and check what the lease is, if you can legally kick them out or what. Maybe ask your landlord too.

Personally I’d just take the loss and get new roommates, but you need to know the law here.

As for the revenge, if you know he’ll be moving out, lose some of his computer wires or something…. Cost him a few bucks replacing something that “got broken in the move”.

And have a friend call him up after he moves out saying he’s the landlord and he’s going to be sued for damages down to the apartment

And be certain the next time that you make the living arrangements and rules of conduct part of the lease everyone signs.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,

I love your website and you have lots of great ideas. I was hoping you’d be able to give me some advice and inspiration with my horrible roommates. Here’s what’s going on:

I live with two other guys. I’m straight but my roommates are gay. They also happen to be the messiest laziest people in the world. They leave dishes in the sink for weeks that mold over. They only clean them when there are no clean ones to eat off of, or once they’ve run out of paper ones. They also jack up the heat to 80 when it’s sixty degrees outside go it’s a good 90 degrees in the house.

The worst part is that every night they sit in the living room, which is right underneath of mine, and smoke cigarettes in the house and watch TV till 2 a.m. My girl friend and I are always in my room trying to sleep but can’t because of the awful smell and all the noise. We burn incense to get rid of the smell and play a rain track over my stereo when trying to sleep. It helps but they’re still annoying.

The other thing is that their friend Sarah, who is this absolutely disgusting girl is here all the time. She has a key to the door and will sit and hang out in my house when no one is home. She was keeping her rabbit here because they don’t allow them in the dorms, and last week it died because she hasn’t been taking care of it. We tried reporting her for animal cruelty but none of the agencies will prosecute for rabbit neglect.

This girl is in my house every night. She sleeps on the couch at least three days a week until noon the next day. That is when she’s not sleeping in my one roommate’s bed when he goes away for the weekend. She has a fair deal of her stuff here, parks her car in my driveway, and for a few month’s was the worse of the two roommate’s Jeff’s allowed her to stay here.

Ok so now I’m getting to the point. Sarah’s car is always in my driveway. I allow my girlfriend to have my spot in the driveway when we spend the night here. I have a street parking permit and if you park on the street without one you get a ticket. So I have one car in the driveway and then there’s Sarah’s. Whenever someone else wants to have their car here myself or my girlfriend has to move our cars. We always refuse to do it. I want to call the cops and have Sarah’s car towed because she doesn’t live here but then they’ll probably do it right back to my girlfriend.

About the smoking in the house. I talked to them many times about it and each time they say they’ll smoke outside. That lasts about an hour. So I’ve placed six mothballs in the living room to get rid of the smell. But of course they complain saying "the mothballs hurt my lungs." Maybe it’s the three packs of cigarettes you smoke? I already tried calling the landlord but he can’t do anything because it’s not in the lease.

They also want to try to make my girlfriend pay for part of the utilities because she stays here overnight and showers here sometimes after we go for a run. This is hypocritical because their friend is here just as often. And she cooks in the house, takes showers, and uses up much more power with her TV watching.

I’m moving out at the end of May. Sarah is taking my spot. It was supposed to be completed back in December but because of their incompetence has taken until the end of April. I want to make sure I go out with a bang when they can’t do anything to touch me. Right now I keep my room door locked with a security hasp when I’m not home so they don’t do anything to my stuff. I’ve already had a set of towels stolen and thrown away.

Here’s what I’m thinking of doing. My classes are over weeks before I move out. I’ll be living in close proximity to the house, but won’t need anything. Since all the utilities are in my name I’m turning them off as early as possible. No gas, electric, or cable. I’m also going to turn off the temperature to the hot water heater. They’re too lazy to call someone and too stupid to fix it. I also want to subscribe them to a bunch of anti-gay hate magazines, but I don’t know of any. Are there any surprises I could leave in the house or my room that would make their lives a living hell when I leave. I’ve been having these problems since November. That’s five months, so I want them to make sure they have just as bad an experience.

Revenge JokerHi Marcus,
It’s a good thing that you’re getting out, sounds like you’ve been living the “Hellish circus life” to me.

Letting someone that isn’t paying rent have a key is one of the worst possible situations I can think of, friend or not. She’s not paying rent. She shouldn’t have a key.

It would have been great if you had a video diary of how these pigs live. I think it would make great video “watch over days as this barely touched plate of food turns to mold” type of thing. Maybe there is still time in your remaining weeks?

I like the cancelling the utilities part as well, that will force them into a bit more mature behavior. Unless they’re both with bad credit ratings and can’t cover the hookup fees… by moving out you could be sending them to the street too!

Maybe you could find a smoke alarm, cheap, and plant it somewhere where they won’t easily find it and it will go off on them one night, with all the smoke? That would be a hoot…. Just stick it on the wall or ceiling somewhere, they have smoke alarms that just use two-sided tape to stick to the ceiling. Scare the crap out of them and it’ll keep going until they can figure out how to turn it off… priceless.

Change the shower head to a low flow type… they’re cheap enough, just a few dollars…. Do it when they are all out, just say the manager came by and changed the showerhead… and when you leave take it off, add a marble or two to fill up the space in the head and leave them with a barely working shower.

Don’t leave anything in your room that could point directly back to you but maybe go down into the main furnace point and place a hunk of cheese, with these guys penchant for warmth, cranking up the furnace is a sure way to get a cheesy molding smell all over the place. Use a soft cheese for this.

And as a final parting gift, if they have computers, and even jerks can afford one these days, change the power settings for the computer to “hibernate” after 3 minutes inactivity, it’s in the control panel settings under “Power”. It’ll take them a while to figure that out.

And move your stuff out as soon as you have another place, the heck with the month’s rent already being paid, the sooner you’re out of there, the better. Of course though, until your name is off the lease, don’t do anything, you’ll be liable for any costs associated with fixing anything!

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,

I live in a supportive housing apartment where I don’t get to pick my roommates.

We just got a new roommate about a month and a half ago. Ever since he moved in he has been stealing my food. He never buys his own food only steals mine and eats it. I am on disability and am low income and can hardly afford to feed myself let alone another person. What can I do that won’t get me into any legal trouble?
Call me ‘Hungry’

Revenge Joker

Hi Hungry,
I wouldn’t worry about legal trouble if he’s stealing your food.

I’d start labeling your food as YOURS and save some ‘special’ food for him, unlabeled. This good looking food I’d start inserting toothpaste and other such things into. You know what will work best based on what he’s stolen from you in the past.

Let him eat cake with toothpaste icing and whatever else you can think of.
He’ll get the idea not to steal food soon enough.

Is it possible for you to segregate your food and place a hidden camera somewhere to record the theft?

Can you get help from management? I have no doubt that he’s stealing from more people than just you so maybe get everyone else together and start recording what happen to all involved. The police are always a last option once you have enough evidence, then management would be forced to kick him back to where he came from.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,

Recently I have gone through some financial and emotional stress.

It all started when my friend crashed my brand new car, which unfortunately took him a while to pay me back, at the same time I had to use my contingency funds. Thus this put me at a tough spot to pay my rent.

I told my roommates who were supposedly my friends the situation and they said they were ok with it. On top of that, my beloved grandmother had passed away unexpectedly. I thus went home for the weekend, and while I was away, they threw a party. At that part they made photoshopped pictures of me and posted them all over the house during the party.

Obviously this means they aren’t very understanding. I plan on moving out without telling them but I need something that will hurt them all. I see one of them on a regular basis and personally I want to continue the friendship, but I think it’s messed up that while I’m away, they like to make a mockery out of me.

My plan is to move out when none of them are home and stick it to them, by not having anything get to me, I plan on changing my bills and everything to a different address by the end of this week. Is that good enough or do you have anything else to add?

I am so furious that I am thinking violent acts to do my payback but obviously I am just letting my emotions get the best of me. What shall I do? Please help! I want to stick it to them hard and let them be pissed at me because personally I do not care for them anymore. It’s messed up how they make a slander of my name when I am going through such harsh times and I’m trying to get myself out of the situation.

Revenge Joker

Hi Moving,
Yes, you’ve planned your move well and Liquid Ass will be what you want to use… on the furniture, on clothes… books… doorknobs, all will work well.

Then I’d start a poster campaign of having people show up at their house looking for a garage sale, looking for a cheap room to rent… just keep a steady crowd of people going their way. Maybe even announce a huge party once in awhile for their house.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,

I have been living in my current apartment for about 6 months and I need revenge on my roommate. He is a bastard and I’m trying to find a new place but in the meantime, I don’t see why I can’t make his life a living hell.

We have a 3 bed 3 bath townhouse with 4 of us living here. We share a 2 car garage between us, and the neighbors. The neighbors don’t have a car. The distance to park and walk is about 4 to 5 minutes from the house.

One of our roommates has his car permanently parked in there because he doesn’t have the registration paid so if he leaves it in the street, it gets ticketed. Before I moved in, Rob, the bastard, claimed to have paid for the space in the garage so I NEVER parked there for five months. When the new roommates moved in, Mike and Allan, they were all the sudden able to park in the garage! I don’t like confrontation so I didn’t say anything to keep peace here.

Since the new roommates started parking in the garage, I started to as well. Well Rob, the bastard, thought he’d come up with a grand plan and start taking the garage opener with him so he closes it when he leaves, and when he arrives, leaving NO space for anyone ever!

My girlfriend hates him more than I do so yesterday he left the opener on the counter. My girlfriend "accidentally" spilled water ALL over it. He found it and looked at me like I did it but I just brushed him off, he didn’t even say anything. Somehow it still works!!! I’ve thought of various things to do to either break the garage or opener or sensors but I cant do something he will know I did. I’ve though about putting tape over the sensors on the garage but its never open! I’m not gonna ask that bastard to park there, instead I’m going to get revenge! Please help me this is driving me NUTS!!!!!! thanks revenge guy!

Revenge JokerDear Jeff,
Check the manufacturer of the garage door opener. They work on a number code set that if radioed to the garage machine that opens and closes the door.
1.Reset the code so it doesn’t match up to the machine
2. Place some thick plastic over the sensor that receives the code so that it doesn’t work.
3. You must have some dope on him. Dig to his darkest secret and call him as if you are a reporter, or a concerned citizen, and question him about this secret of his.
You can change your voice, the caller ID and even record the call for later listening pleasure.
Call him threatening exposure, arrest, late bill fines, whatever will get under his skin and make him sweat.
4. If he really has a crappy car, dump some milk or LiquidAss inside the door panels. Clean up carefully. After the milk dries in a couple of weeks, the stink will be awful.

Go get ‘im!!
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Neighbors: When To Get Even

The Revenge Guy

Do you need a little help getting even with neighbors that have done you wrong? Maybe an oldie but a goodie revenge technique is just what you need to help you get even and regain your stature as a self-reliant, not to be messed with, person. You know, we've all had bad neighbors. Heck, when we were younger, when our parents were away, we were the bad neighbors. And revenge requires that certain steps are first taken before the 'getting even action' begins.

So here is RG's "Steps of Revenge Preparation"

— document everything in a journal, make notes of dates, times, events, everything, leave nothing out and write down your entries on the day they happen

— protect your family and property with video surveillance

— contact your local city council (residential condominium strata council if you live in such a development) and understand the bylaws as they pertain to your situation

These simple steps, although time consuming, are necessary to make any type of revenge successful.

I have learned, over all, that there are no "good" upstairs neighbors. After all, no one ever (as far as I can remember and I have the memory of an elephant) has complained about their downstairs neighbors. So, if you're in the position of having to move into a place that has upstairs and downstairs neighbors, be the person on top. Or I'm sure I'll hear from you soon enough.

Can I Beat The Neighbors At Their Own Game? Read on…

Hi Revenge Guy,
This is a fairly recent problem.

I have lived next door 6 years (houses are very close) to a fairly wealthy younger than me couple who have 5 children ranging from 1-12. They recently extended their already huge house to a more huge house.

A couple of times I have asked the kids to stop bashing on the fence early in the morning and once I knocked on their door because their dog had barked constantly for hours. So a couple of months ago their dog barked constantly until around 2.30am (the dog is locked in the pool area which is right next to my bedroom window).

Their bedrooms are all located on the other side front of their house. I got up at 2.30am and wrote a nice note saying "Neighbor, its 2.30am and your dog hasn’t stopped barking could you please do something about it". In response I received a 3 page extremely nasty letter, telling me to get ear plugs, about my boyfriend’s motor bike, about my mother cats etc., etc.

I went and spoke to them and thought I had sorted it out, maybe? I then get a visit from my neighbour’s across the road who tell me that their old busy body neighbour had come to tell them that my neighbour’s had given me some home truths in a letter. I was so upset that I started playing music (pretty loud but not late). I then get a visit from the police telling me my neighbour, who I obviously had a problem with, had complained and I needed to turn down my music (this was at 8.30pm by no means late). Ever since I think my neighhbour is trying to get me to sell and move, they have now installed a skate ramp right next to the fence next to my bedroom window. The fence seems to be used as the buffer.

I just don’t know what to do. I’m 50 I live with my 74 year old mother and we are both very quiet. What can I do, I’m just about to have a nervous breakdown. I need a revenge to get them back and something they can’t pin on me. Neighbor husband is an engineer. His wife is fat and ugly, she is a home breeder. We do not have the same friends and I don’t have their phone number but know their names.
-Very Tired Homeowner

Revenge JokerHi Tired,
You are in a difficult position, there’s no doubt of that but it is time to fight back, so to speak.

Start with talking to your neighbors about your troubles. Video tape the offenses these people are making and be sure you capture all of the noise. Share this with the neighbors that are on your side. You need help from them. Youtube too maybe?

Check out your city planning department, once you have this evidence, about what they might be able to help you with. Doesn’t their property tax go up with the improvements they have made? Everyone loves the tax man coming for a visit.

Talk to your local city representative, the more noise you make the more fuel you add to your righteous fire.

Contact the local animal authority as well, dogs barking in the middle of the night are bad news for everyone and there’s usually fines that go along with that.

Detail everything and finally call your local TV and newspapers – bad neighbors make great news stories, especially considering your mother’s age.

I wouldn’t worry about being found out, they’ve pretty much have a household out of control and everyone knows it, shame can be a great motivator to get your neighbors under control.


Dear Revenge Guy,
About 6 years ago we purchased a vacation home by the. Everyone there was nice. Except for this one family…

I need some advice on what to do with them. Here are a few stories on all of them:

1. The husband. He seems to feel he is a "Decision Maker" for everything.

An example would be with the road. All because his driveway dips down a bit, so it sometimes puddles there when it rains, made him have the town raise the road a few inches, which wasn't really all that bad. However, we have an in-ground pool close to the street with several expensive items around it, so we had to spend about $500 getting paneling so the next rain doesn't pile up in the road and wash everything away. Not to mention overflow the pool.

He has actually annoyed the whole town. Not to mention he has a criminal record.

Oh-one more thing. One of our good neighbors said he washes his cars in OUR DRIVEWAY when we're not around. He also parks his car in our driveway when we're not around. He also did something that made my car battery die. I truly hate him.

2.The wife-Sometimes annoying. Here is another story:

I've always had stray cats around my vacation home. I never want them to starve, so I feed them. There was this one cat who came every day. About 2 weeks later, I noticed that she had 2 small kittens. I noticed later that they lived under another neighbor's shed.

I planned to either adopt them or give them to a relative who's cat recently died.

Well guess what-after the wife found out we were feeding cats and that they lived next to them, I instantly knew by the way she acted that she was going to get them removed and probably killed.

They were not even on her property, and she still thinks she can get them taken killed!!!! She knew I was going to adopt them, but, still!!!!!! The nerve!!!!!!

I am, at the moment, arranging plans to report this to the authorities, but I haven't succeeded yet. I really hope I can adopt them! They are adorable!

3. The son:

He is somewhere in his thirties, and owns a small company that resells computers and other technological items to businesses.

When my computer broke, I decided to get one from him. It was good overall, but I needed something else. I left him a voicemail message telling him I wanted it.

What does he do?

He charges my credit card without verifying or asking me what I wanted in any way!!!!!!

One more thing-He charged us more than $100 more than it retails for, and raised it more than $50 than he said it sells for!!!!

I can't believe I was ripped off.

So, you see, I just can't live with these people in my neighborhood.

They're a menace to society!!!!! Sometimes I feel like taking a siren (I have a Federal Model A, for you siren fans) and setting it right off in they're yard!!!
Thank you,

Revenge JokerHi Paul,
Yes, you need to take matters into your own hands.

We’ll start from the last:

3. If he sold you a computer and charged your credit card without authorization you should have immediately (as soon as you found out) called the credit card company and had the charge reversed. If you don’t do this, who will look after your credit?

2. Call the authorities… don’t jump top conclusions, all that does is raise the blood pressure.

1. Get a video surveillance system, they’re cheap enough.

Catch him in the act and call the police. AND, if your neighbors are talking about what he does in your driveway when you’re away, get them to take some pictures! Someone has to watch over your property when you’re not there! Make friends, watch each other’s backs!

And get the info and do all you legally can to this jerk.

You didn’t give me an idea of what you actually know about these people, names, jobs, phone numbers, address, etc…

If you have any of that, start a campaign of posters “For rent” around town with their place on it. Do the same with their phone number, a “moving sale” with cheaply priced furniture will get the calls coming for them.
Go get’em!

Dear Revenge Guy,
I have loud neighbors.

They have 3 Harley bikes I told them to please stop revving the bikes by my house.

Now they rev more. What can I do?


Revenge JokerHi,
The first thing I have to ask is:
Do you want to be friends or enemies with your neighbors?

Talk to them again about why the noise is disturbing. Thank them for keeping the noise to reasonable hours.

Talk to your other neighbors and have them also speak to the guys making the noise. Complaints are better when focused by a group rather than an individual.

Call the police and complain about the noise. Suggest that the motorcycles may be unlicensed, uninsured, hazardous drivers, and so on.
Keep a detailed journal of their comings and goings and the ensuing noise.
Talk to your neighbors and start a petition concerning noise control. Take the petition to your city councillor.

Call the police again.

Put up a fence and sue them for the cost of it.
Install video cameras or have one handy to record the noise and problems these neighbors are causing.

Keep the pressure up about their poor behavior. Keep neighbors and the police and city hall involved in your "loss of enjoyment of property". Call a lawyer and threaten to sue.

Threaten to sue your noisy neighbors.

Threaten to sue city hall for not enforcing noise bylaws.

Along the side of your property that abuts their property start storing garbage. Let the smell fester so that they won’t want to be outside anymore.
Park your car in the street, not in your driveway. Get them to drive around it.
Water your yard. A lot. Let the water flood the street. Let them drive through the mess.

Start outdoor parties for the local children. Offer free sodas, meet the kids parents. Keep the street busy during the usual noisy periods and force them to behave.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,
I love your website. I was hoping you could help me with my pain in the ass neighbor.

My wife and I have a cat that likes to walk through his back yard sometimes. Our yard is fenced but the cat just climbs over and likes to sit under a tree in his yard.

Our butthead neighbor has three dogs that chase my cat away. No big deal if the cats in his yard. However, this evening I caught him opening the front door to let his dog out so it could chase my cat out of our own front yard. This is the third time I caught him urging his dogs on my cat while he was in his own yard.

I called the S.P.C.A. and all they did is inform him that he can set a trap in his yard to catch my cat. I know he will set a trap and bait it with tuna.

If and when he catches my cat, and every other cat in the neighborhood, he will torture it and most likely kill him. What do you suggest I do?

I don’t want to keep my cat indoors all day, a prisoner in his own home.

By the way there is so much dog crap in his yard I can’t open my windows without the odor fumigating my entire house. Hope you can suggest something. I really hate this guy.

Revenge JokerHi Greg,
It’s a known fact that cats that are outdoor wander around. They dig in gardens, all that stuff. Generally they aren’t a nuisance as much as the people that complain about them.

I’d like to know why the SPCA told your neighbor to trap the cat after talking to you. That seems suspicious to me, unless the cat is destroying property I’m not sure someone is allowed to put out animal traps on their suburban property. You need to check your local bylaws about this.

You need to either decide that you have to keep the cat inside, or figure out a way to protect it outside.

As well, you need to take your complaints to city hall about your neighbor. It’s time to get the video camera out. Get video of the dogs misbehaving. Get video of the dog crap all over the place (a likely health hazard!). Get video of your idiot neighbor being a jerk. The more video evidence you have the better off you’ll be when this confrontation escalates. And get worse it will.

Of course, I’d also start throwing chunks of cheese over the fence for the dogs to eat. Old cheddar really messes with a dog’s poo. They get the runs and farts real bad. Just don’t get caught tossing it over.

And if your jerk neighbor does decide to put out traps, I’d start littering his yard in the middle of the night with dry cat food. Let him catch all the cats he wants until he’s so tired of dealing with them that he gives up, hehe.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,
I cannot seem to keep a car for very long because middle-age women in Chevy Blazers like to run stop signs and hit me.

A few months ago, I bought my first car, a cheap Honda Civic. Only after one month, a woman in a Chevy Blazer ran a stop sign and hit my car. I had a typical insurance battle, everything went smooth in the end with the decent amount for the car they gave me, and got myself a Ford Probe out of it.

This car was in excellent condition. I just had it for four months when, low and behold, another woman in a Chevy Blazer runs a stop sign and demolishes it. I got screwed out of $1000 by the insurance company, and am still mourning the loss of my "baby".

There was no damage to her car, and I am just furious that I have to suffer because of bad drivers. I am a college student (an art major if it matters), and therefore do not have money to hire a lawyer and such, or the time to deal with it besides at 3 in the morning, because of the fact I am a struggling working student.

I believe that she should have to pay for smashing my dream. The worst part is that I couldn’t get a rental car right away because I am under 21, which is the minimal age to rent a car at the rental companies around my area. This really put a halt on my life because I commute an hour every day.

I seriously have nightmares about Chevy Blazers now, and need to come to closure from this in a way that won’t get me arrested.

Please help me, I am sick of being screwed by women in Chevy Blazers!
Ms. Chevy Blazer Magnet

Revenge JokerHi Ms. Chevy Blazer Magnet,
I feel for you, I really do.

But I’m not sure what you can do against all the drivers of Chevy Blazers out there other than to try your best to steer clear.

I do hope that you can find a lawyer on a contingency basis to sue the lady that left you underpaid for your car.

SUV’s in general are driven, for the most part, by asses. These people park however they want, the don’t shoulder check when changing lanes and they cut other drivers off all the time. And never mind their cell phone usage while driving a car full of kids around.

Geesh, it’s really an unsafe world out there.

Of course, you could make some custom bumper stickers up (you can get the blanks at any office supplies store and print your own) that say "I am a careless Blazer driver" and stick them on the back bumpers of all the Blazers you see.

Helping to warn others will help you overcome your fears and provide you with the revenge you seek

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,
I have a next door neighbor who is obsessed with his lawn. Many of my neighbors are, but not to this extent.

He mows it several times a week and takes an entire day to mow each time. It takes him four-five hours approximately to mow half an acre with a riding mower. Then he gets out a push mower and mows again.

If it is nice the next day, he gets out the riding mower and does it a second time. Nothing like having a nice short lawn!. He has no job, so there is no incentive for him to go anywhere except out to fuss with his yard.

Now I wouldn’t care, except I work at home, and the riding mower’s noise is beyond obnoxious (90 plus decibels). When I close all my windows and turn on the stereo, I can still hear vibrations going through everything and the china rattling. I would sabotage the mower except I don’t know where he keeps it, and I don’t want to get in trouble for trespassing.

Also calling the police when he was at it during the night didn’t work either. Please don’t suggest asking nicely to restrict the noise – asking inconsiderate jerks nicely for anything has never worked in my life. Thanks.

Revenge JokerHi Grateful,
If had a neighbor like that and after talking to him his behavior didn’t change I’d start a major campaign against him.

First off I’d get myself a video camera and record him mowing his lawn for a couple of times a week, so I have visual evidence of his compulsive behavior and the noise level. I’d follow up with a noise level meter to record the actual noise levels.

Some communities have bylaws that limit the amount of noise pollution that things can give off. I’d take all of the recordings down to city hall and start complaining. Maybe start a blog about this bad neighbor too. Sometimes when the info is online public officials tend to work a little harder. Maybe even you can get one of the city councilors to your home when he starts mowing so they can experience the trouble first hand.

I’d put up a big 4×8 foot plywood sign detailing the trouble with the neighbor that always mows. Something like "Can you hear what I hear when he mows his lawn 3 times a week?" Nothing rude or upsetting, just an explanation or apology to the other neighbors and travelers that come near the noise. Try to embarrass the guy a little but not too much.

I’d think about a loud outdoor stereo system, to blast back. A type of sound war, if the above didn’t work.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,
I live in a trailer park that the houses are close together.

There is a annoying woman that claims she works nights. So on the weekends when I’m home working on the house she has come up and yelled for sawing wood, yelled at my son for mowing lawn. She’s even yelled at our neighbors for music on it their own house.

Last weekend the hag called the cops on us cause we had music going in our house, no not speakers propped up against the windows either, just music going so we could hear through out the house. We didn’t get ticketed but this women is getting worse. The cop even said he could hardly hear the music.

This goes on in the middle of the afternoons, on the weekends, like at 2 o’clock pm. I need some help dealing with this hag.

The cops say since there a complaint they have to come. What should I do? I feel like a prisoner in my own house afraid to make a noise or the cops will come. HELP!!

Revenge JokerHi,
You need to be proactive here, since this freaky neighbor really has no reason to call the cops on you.

This is what I’d do:
1. Call the local city council and get a copy of the local noise bylaws. Make sure you read it and understand it. Keep a copy of it handy for the next time she complains so you can give it to her.

2. Call the police and talk to someone in charge about the harassment you are getting with her calling the police on you for unfounded noise complaints, contrary to the bylaws. If you present your case well enough, they’ll talk to her and then stop responding to her complaints.

3. Talk to your neighbors, it’s likely they have to put up with the same crap. Make sure they know how to deal with her as well and start a petition against her. Maybe that will help to force her to move out.

4. Talk to the park management or owners, make sure they understand the hell she’s putting you through with her unfounded and outrageous complaints. Along with your petition and support from your neighbors they may step in and talk with her.

5. Start weekly outdoor get-togethers with your neighbors, as an excuse to be a little louder than normal. It’s innocent enough and is she really going to come out after all of you? Sure she will. Have a video camera handy and with the ensuing screaming that she’ll make take the evidence down to the courthouse and file a complaint and a restraining order against her.

6. Don’t change how you are living your life, don’t let her win. Stand up to her and help her to understand that just because she has to kill chickens in the middle of the night to have a job it isn’t your problem and if she needs peace and quiet, to move somewhere else.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Hi Revenge Guy,
I became friends with a neighborhood kid down the street. I would give him work and help him and his mother when they requested it. When the boy came over he would bring his small dog because the dog would like the company with my dogs. Well when the mother would ask to borrow money or ask for help I would help out though it got to be I would have to bug her to get my money back. She would expect and give nothing in return not even appreciation.

They decided to move to another state and asked if I would take their dog for a couple weeks until they could send the money to have the dog sent up there. I accepted. Weeks, months went by and no money. We would talk on the phone and they wanted me to send the dog up and they would pay me back.

Well, knowing from experience I told them to send the money first. In the meantime the dog ran out and got hit by a car. I rushed took her to a animal emergency to try and safe her life. To save the dog cost almost $4000 in vet bills. She is a healthy dog now. That was my decision to save the dog and she is a great dog. When I told my x-neighbor what happened they acted like they did not want the dog anymore and would not want to even communicate with me like I am no longer a friend.

Well, I knew it was my decision to spend the money and save the dog but no gratitude at all. I love the dog and I am glad I saved her but if they would have sent the money from the start like was promised and agreed on, none of this would have happened. They have been taking advantage of my giving from the start. They probably got another pet by now.

I want to get revenge but I don’t know how since they are about 1000 miles away. I am upset because all I’ve done was to help them and when I just need some moral support they have nothing to do with me. I want to get them revenge.
Thanks, DJ

Revenge JokerHi DJ,
It sure sucks to be taken advantage like that.

I really hate people that feel it’s your obligation to help them out, then they aren’t even grateful for the help!

Revenge against people like this sure is sweet.

Here’s what I suggest:
The dog that you now have has been discovered! Yes, this dog is exactly what a casting agent decided her next commercial needs in it. The pay is great too! $3,000.00 per commercial and a residual every time the commercial is run on TV.
You’ve struck it rich! You’re sure to make big $$ from this dog. And this is only the beginning! There could be more commercials. Movies. The sky is the limit.

And this is the story I’d tell them the next time you hear from them. And I’d be sure to tell them to not call anymore. Don’t put this in writing. Over the phone only. No emails, nothing written down.

I hope this helps!

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Hi, great site.

HELP. I rent a small piece of land that I have built a small motocross track. Of course I had problems with a neighbor. So he called the cops several times on us but we were legal so the cops did nothing.

So he called the zoning board. Again we were legal. So he some how got a hold of the insurance company that insures the land and they shut us down.

Now after four long years of building a great track it is gone due to one asshole.

I want to do something but I also know that I will be the first suspect if something shady happens. PLEASE HELP!
Pissed MXer

Revenge JokerHi Pissed,
I don’t know why you want to do something shady, I’d think of annoying first and foremost.

Get a copy of the insurance papers and read them, see what can and can’t be done on the property.

Then I’d start renting the field out to rock bands to practice, RC (Remote Control) plane clubs. Find out about what can be done and do it. The more noise the better.

You could even place posters up telling of an upcoming event, only to be cancelled because of your neighbor, that will get people stirred up against him.

Have you told your story to the local newspapers yet? They love this type of neighborhood feud story.

Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Hi Revenge Guy,
Well i made a foolish decision and signed a contract with a company and handed them over $110.00 I did some research and found out legally if i go back within 5 days i can cancel the contract and take back my money… They refused. the only option now is to get a lawyer and take them to court but that’s only gonna cost me more. I wanna get dirty and show them they cant f**k over everyone without gettin f**ked back. They are located in an office space on the 9th floor of a building.

I have considered and probably will make numerous calls to various pizza delivery stores with huge orders from "there place of business". next i have contemplated pushing fart bombs under the door during there business hours, going to there place of business b4 they open and leave a pile of horse manure and or Fish guts all over the carpet and door in front of there office.

My last plan of attack was to spray mace also know as bear spray or pepper spray into there office during business hours making breathing incredibly hard, tears to pore from there eyes, and a burning sensation all over.

However i would like some other ideas to get these people back. hope to hear from you soon.

Why would you want to open yourself up to legal problems from them? If they have ripped you off, they’ve ripped others off just as successfully.

I’d picket their office with a sign and handouts stating what the problem is, how you got ripped off. Have someone call the local TV and radio news stations, maybe you’ll get lucky and it’ll be a slow news day and you make the 6:00 news.

Spend a few hours getting the attention your plight deserves will be the best revenge. Plus you just may get your money back!
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,
In trying to find a tenant for a condo I just purchased, I have placed numerous “For Rent” signs on the corner of my block, between someone’s sidewalk and the street, completely out of the way.

The signs seem to disappear after a few days each time I put one up.

I’d love to catch the “thieving bastard” or at least get even with the person….any ideas?

Hi D,
Go to your local hardware store and get the slowest slow-drying paint or glue you can get. They have stuff that can take days to dry.

When you put up your next sign, cover the back with it.
That’ll teach the thieving bastards a lesson!


Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Hi RG,
I live in a basement apartment and have a real problem with the guy that lives upstairs.

He’s an artist and a real a@@hole. He works at night at home, starting around 11pm. He always has friends coming over for a party when he paints. He says it helps him to be inspired. I know it’s just so he can party and smoke pot with his friends.

The noise keeps me up and since I have a regular day job, it’s really hard on me.

The owner of the house won’t do anything. He talks to the guy, says it won’t happen again, but the noise and parties always start again. I can’t afford to move out and need advice on what I can do to get revenge. I’m a 5’4" girl, so beating him up isn’t going to work.

Any suggestions?

Hi Susan,
Fighting fire with fire isn’t going to work here. Since you have a job and he’s a stay at home bum, he really has the upper hand.

But of course, he does have to sleep sometime. This is what I suggest: get yourself the loudest alarm clock you can get. Something with a constant buzzer and set it for an hour after you leave for work.

It’s likely that he sleeps while you’re at work, and ‘forgetting’ to reset your alarm a few times will start to send him a message. Another favorite of mine is to pay attention to when he showers.

Then, every once in a while, run your hot water about an hour before his usual shower time. Drain all the hot water. Let him experience a few cold showers.

If he complains to you, and he will, just apologize and forget about it. Start again in a few days, just like he does. You might also want to start cooking smelly things. Fish is good. There’s nothing like the rising odor of a good fish meal to really fill the air.

Your goal here is everyday living that becomes aggravating to him. Nothing too obvious. With luck, he’ll get the message, clean up his act or just move out.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,
I live alone in a nice house, in a nice part of town. But my neighbor takes advantage of the fact that I only put out one can of garbage a week and he has more that the city will allow him to put out.

He’s always sneaking some of his garbage out beside mine so the garbage men will take it.

Sometimes his bags break when they come to pick it up and I end up cleaning up the mess when I come home from work. What can I do to get even with him without causing a lot of trouble in my neighborhood?
Trashed On in Heartvale

Hi Trashed On,
Some people just feel it’s their right to take advantage of the property of others and this is exactly what this guy is doing. It would be easy to say "Report him" to the local bylaw office or city hall, but I don’t believe that you really want to get him in serious trouble, I think you just want him to keep his trash to himself.

I’ll also bet that you leave for work near the same time when he does, so you’ve seen him do it, so just returning his garbage to his front yard probably isn’t an option you’d like to take (avoid the confrontation).

So, this is what I suggest you do: Dig out your old tax bill and scan it into your computer (you have a scanner, don’t you?), then with the OCR program and a little trial and error, you can fake a bill or official looking letter for extra taxes due to the amount of garbage you are putting out each week.

Then with official-looking bill/letter in hand, pay a visit to your neighbor and ask him if he’s noticed anything going on. This will get the message across that he’s doing something that is going to cost you and it should, I hope, guilt him into either confessing, or at the least, stopping his behavior.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

Dear Revenge Guy,
Here is my problem: I have a basketball hoop in front of my house and my kids play ball in the street.

Good kids, no problems, stay out of trouble but my asshole neighbor doesn’t like it so he parks his car in front of the hoop so they can’t play. He has called the police, wrote letters to the village board and both have said no law is being broken and we’re doing nothing wrong so now he parks on our side of street under the hoop so the kids can’t play. The kids don’t play all the time and are not allowed after dark. He is just being a ass. Also he won’t do it when I’m home only when I’m at work. He is not elderly, probably 40-45 yrs old.

Please give me a great idea so I can get him not to park there or something I can get him with.
Thank you, Hoops

Revenge JokerHi

Put up a sign near the hoop, "Please, no rock throwing at the hoops!"

Hopefully he’ll get the idea that his car is in danger.

If that didn’t work I would buy a second basketball hoop.
Place them 30 feet apart.
Let the kids go wild.

Get some street chalk and draw out a basketball court. Make sure one of the ‘out of bounds’ lines borders on his property lines. Clearly write "Out Of Bounds" on your side of the line with arrows pointing towards his side of the street.
Best wishes,
The Revenge Guy

%d bloggers like this: