I have been living with my mom for over seventeen years and she has been antagonizing me for far too long.
Every time I do something, she always puts my younger brothers over me, in everything, if I want to go somewhere that I signed up for, she says, "We'll see." When they want to go somewhere, it happens, plus, even though she is good at helping me with getting back in school, she sometimes Takes it too far, by disrupting my sleep at 5am, saying, "son", you got to speak up, so they can hear you!"
I stay up at 1am trying to bless our house with anointing Oil, because we often fight in "Spiritual Warfare." There is stuff in our house that bring spirits, old Antique stuff lights lambs and other accessories, this is not about that, it's about her verbally talking down to me, saying, "I'm trying to help you!"
I understand that, but I don't need less sleep in order for her to help me get back in school and I am sick and tired of her acting like my brothers can do wrong and I'm the only one who does, it's been this way my whole life, as the "middle-child," my curse is being born in April, on April 2nd, 1981.
I thought being born in April, 2nd day of, and in a year with a 1 at the end of it and having, "Autistic-like is a triple offense, I committed the ultimate crime for being all four, I want to change my birthday to November, I got people everywhere looking at me like I'm crazy or something.
I can't breathe in my mom's house, technically it's my house on paper, but her house financially.
I would easily buy it from her and our landlord, place her in another home, when she's older, but that would be wrong, and some Hospice homes often treat older people crappy, I don't want to be responsible for that.
I have a continuing spasm of arguments with my mom like how she did with her mom, I may miss her mom and my grandmother, but with much respect thankful she's not around this drama, because I would have to referee between them and protect myself, it's best for some women to live by themselves and a few cats and dogs, and not with other women nor with their sons, because women pick fights too much for me.
My mom started with her mom, back in the day, I thought my mom would be killed by her mom, for coming at her too hard, slammed doors, yelling, she was knocked in the face with a sledgehammer and nearly died, then dragged by a shirt for stealing a shirt from her, then pulled on her right or left ear, by her sometime ago, when she took her to Dialysis, I think I need a vacation from my family, they turn to physical violence when disagreed with.
I take kickboxing classes to learn self-defense, I guess I can use that protect myself from them and their crazy ways.
I want to get away from my mom, before I do more things as a an adult to make her mad, anything can set her off at this point, I gotta protect myself, I can't let my mom make me out to be the "bad guy," she likes her oldest, third and fourth born son(s) better than me, right now! I'd prefer to stay far away from her, when going certain places, before I contemplate suicide.
What do I do?
Wow! That's a hell of a complaint you have.
Until you're not sharing living space, at over 35 years old, you need to take control of you life.
From what you've written, having a few decades of experience as part of your mother's life, I'm not certain what you're asking me here.
The real solution is to either kick her out or move out yourself and take control of your life that you have said you are missing.
If you have other relatives I'd get on the phone and arrange to stay with them for a few weeks. maybe if "mommy dearest" misses you for a while her tune will change. But don't count on it. People like her always "know best" and you're basically an after-thought in their own life. Her control of you gives her life menaing.
Decide how you want to take control of your life away from here. And do it soon!
Let me know how things work out for you.