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This is where you start learning about revenge

The Revenge Guy knows all about revenge and by reading these articles you will too.

This is where you read revenge stories about dating, boyfriends and girlfriends

People that have been dating have written in to ask The Revenge Guy for advice so they can get revenge on ex friends, boyfriends and girlfriends, that are now exes, for obvious reasons as you will soon read.

This is where you read revenge stories about work life, bad bosses and bad businesses

People that have jobs write in to ask The Revenge Guy for advice so they can get revenge on their workplace, businesses that have done them wrong, as well as revenge on people they work with.

Revenge Stories

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People that have successfully gotten revenge can email me their stories so others can learn.

YOU can email me too if you have a revenge story you’d like to share.

Dear Revenge GuyHey RG, 
I like your site. The stories keep me entertained and the creativity is awesome.

Anyway, I have a story I’d like to share that may also help out others that are seeking revenge.

About 3 month ago I started getting crank calls. The number was blocked so I could not find out who it was.

There are several numbers that call me that are blocked and are legitimate friends or work related, so I always answer blocked numbers. After being caught off guard a few times and feeling like an idiot about being punked I decided that I really needed to find out who this guy is.

I called my phone carrier and filed a complaint. I waited for the next prank call and I called again to file a complaint with my phone company. On the third time I complained I was able to extract the phone number that was pranking me by letting my phone company know what time I was getting these calls.

This is where my fun started.

I did a reverse-lookup online and didn’t get to far except a name. After further searching for info on this number I found a co-ordinance using Latitude/Longitude. I plugged this number into my GPS program on my computer and had an exact location of the residence. I was able to go on to Google Maps and zoom in till I could see his house and what was in his backyard.

I zoomed in even more and was able to get a street view of his house and was able to get many details of his residence. At this point I knew that he had 2 boats in this back yard, a large rectangular pool, a gazebo, a red Corvette, a black Nissan Pathfinder, along with address and full name.

Then I decided to make a few passes in my car to check out who I was dealing with.

One day after work I drove by and saw a man and his wife doing some yard work. I took note what they looked like. At this point I felt that it was not going to be the people I saw at that time so I bided my time and would go drive by and just do some surveillance. I was pranked again during this time and told the guy that I would get him soon and hung up on him.

Well that provoked him cuz he called much more frequently just to harass me. I drove one lucky day to see a man who had his mailbox busted up. He flagged me down and asked if I had seen anything. I told him I did not. I had a sneaking suspicion that it was this kid/guy who did it. I asked him if he thought it might be the kid who live at that house (pointing to the house I was surveilling. He said that is probably was as him and his friends were always getting into trouble and that he would confront the parents but they refused to accept any responsibility for his kid and usually was unpleasant with any issues regarding his son.

I was able to get the kid’s name, Peter and his mom’s name, Paulette. That’s when I decided to strike. Hehehe. I waited for him to call and when he did here what happened.

ME: Hello?

PETER: Hi, my name is George and I am doing a survey on the preferred sexual practices of gay men, you are a fag aren’t you? (snickering in background)

ME: I am getting tired of your calls, stop calling or I’ll come over and kick your ass.

PETER: HAHAHA! Fag! you don’t even know where I live.

ME: I know exactly where you live peter.

PETER: (silence)

ME: Then I will kick your dads ass.

PETER: You don’t know where I live! And you’ll go to jail if you touch me.

ME: How about I just key your dad’s red Corvette?

PETER: Then I know it was you and I’ll call the cops on you!!!

ME: Does your dad know what you did to your neighbors mailbox?

PETER: (pause) what mailbox?

ME: The mailbox 2 doors down, you know he filed a complaint with the cops about that? That a federal crime you know.

PETER: How the fuck do you know where I live?

ME: How do I know you have 2 boats parked in the backyard next to the gazebo?

PETER: (silence)

ME: Hello?

PETER; (hangs up)

I call back, no answer.

I call 3 more times in a row and finally some old man answers the phone. Its the dad, Ray.


ME: I am the guy who your son has been crank calling for months now.

RAY: So what do YOU want?

ME: I want to kick your ass for not raising a child very well.

RAY: Who the fuck are you? (here kid in back asking if its me)

ME: I just told you dipshit, your son calls me to harass me all the time, ask him.

RAY: How’d you get my number.

ME: How a dipshit like you be able to afford a big pool, 2 boats, a  stingray corvette and a brand new pathfinder?

RAY: You really don’t want to mess with me I was a marine.

ME: So we actually do have something in common, how the hell did you make it thru bootcamp?

RAY: Who the fuck is this!

ME: I already told you, now, are the crank calls going to stop or to I need to take further action?

RAY: (hangs up)

Three days later, I call again. I wanted to maximize the effect of my bluffs.

RAY: Hello?

ME: Hi Ray, I just wanted to apologise, looks like you increased the parenting skills cuz the calls have stopped. I’m impressed

RAY: Listen here buddy, you don’t know who your messing with…..

ME: CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK, shut up looser!!!!  HAHA!!!

RAY: If you can find me I can find you.

ME: I just wanted to let you know who I really am anyway and how I know so much about you?


ME: Cuz your stupid little piece of shit son was stupid enough to crank call the guy who’s been dating your wife Paulette for the last year. I love her dirty blonde hair.

RAY: (silence)

ME: (chuckling)

RAY: I’ll fucking kill you, its just a matter of time till I find you!!!

ME: If your as smart as Peter, I am safe. Besides, you don’t look like you’d be a problem for me. Did you get those tattoos in the marines?

RAY: (many many curses and threats)

ME: Ray, I know a lot about you. I know what kind of person you are. Think about it. If I know this much about you why wouldn’t I know where you work, what you do, your habits, your medical problems… Ray, I suggest that you let this go because you cant win this. I wonder how messed up that household is….LOL. I called using a blocked number from a place that I don’t work or live. I cant be traced. I also have not called back since or even drove by the place. You lost. I better not see any bruises on Paulette or me and you will have to continue this. I wont be polite next time around. Where is Peter, I would like to speak with him.

RAY: Your not talking to my son!

ME: Ray, your not in a position to tell me what to do.

RAY: (pause)  Ok (in a subdued voice)

PETER: (I can tell he’s been put on the phone, father and son are whispering something to each other franticly)

ME: Peter!

PETER: yeah…

ME: No more crank calls, ok?


I hang up and there are no more prank calls since.

I never called from a place I work or live. I also never had any intention of harming this guy. Patience and research were key to this kind of revenge. Don’t get angry just get even. Don’t over do it. Know when to quit. I can only imagine what went on in that house after my calls. I really hope that Paulette wasn’t hurt in some way. I know they will all think twice about who they mess with and understand that people can find out about you if they really want to. I could have spent some money and got a criminal report and background check.

Dear Revenge GuyDear Revenge Guy,
In 2006 I competed in my first pageant with nine other girls. I did not place but the queen had been featured in local papers and both of the runner-ups had competed the year before. Few people thought the girl that was named 2nd Runner-up thought she deserved such a high placement with her faded ballgown and laundry speech. Within a few days it was discovered that the judges were from neighboring counties that covered our counties sports team including track which the new queen had been very successful in because few in the area pole-vaulted. This fact led to rumors that the pageant was rigged. Around this same time I received my first state title. Soon the directors began to blame me for the rumor that the pageant had been fixed. I let everyone know that the phase was recorded on my video of the pageant while I am clearly on stage. I also showed it to several of my friends.

I had qualified for two more state pageants and had one more state title by the time the county queen had a chance to go on to the state level. To prepare for my first live state pageant I went to the state county fair competition. I said hello to the local directors and overheard the director saying that if the local queen placed people would be suspicious because one of the five judges was for the same town where the fair is held. I asked her why that would matter because all three judges at county were local. She could not answer me.

At the finals there is a formal dinner and I was seated with my local county. Throughout the dinner I was trying to have polite dinner conversation. The director sent a note across the table to me stating that I need to keep the conversation to a minimum because they were there for the queen and not for me. It was a polite way of saying that they did not appreciate me being there because the contestants were not on stage. I played the whole thing off as not important and began to talk to the other county seated at our table. After sometime I attempted to slip the note into the back of the program book I had on my lap. One of the co-directors noticed this and asked for the note back claiming it had important information on it that the head director needed. This was not true but in order to avoid a scene I did hand it back.

That May the county began advertising for the 2007 pageant. This time the age limit was extended by one year. When I asked about this I could not get a straight answer. The county said that the ages were wrong in the paper but in the four weeks that the ad ran no attempt was ever made to correct the information.

A large 4th of July celebration occurs in the county and that year the outgoing fair queen was in the parade with the eight contestants. I was also in the parade as a state queen. The original plan was that the county group would follow me. This fact did not make them very happy. Somehow it was found out that I am a disabled veteran so when the parade stepped of I followed the other vets. The 8 mayors of the towns within the county and the local congressmen behind followed my vehicle. The county queen and the eight contestants were placed behind the congressmen. This meant there were 10 people in between us and that was the final straw for the fair board and pageant.

That weekend fireworks were being held in my hometown and I worked at the location. My neighbor had witnessed on of the co-directors driving past my home. About thirty minutes later a sheriff deputy pulled up and was told were I was at. The fireworks were being held on county property so they had to know what was occurring that night. Just after we opened the gate the sheriff served me with a trespass order banning me from the fair grounds. For the entire week I played it very cool making sure that I had people see me in case the board claimed I had violated the order.

The day that the pageant was held I was in a different county and again made sure I had people witness me at key times. I heard the queen announced on the radio and just as I expected the daughter of a fair director was crowned. This of course continued the rumor mills that had started the year prior.

A week later the pageant was held in our sister county and I attended as visiting royalty. A few days after the pageant I had people asking me about my performance at the fair. I found out that the newspaper had included two paragraphs about a fake queen and my name was mentioned. I proved to the paper that the title was false and gave everyone the pageants website. It was obvious that it was the local county pageant that had been behind it but there was no way to prove it. The incident was quickly forgotten and things calmed down for a while.

Before long it was time for the 2008 queen to be crowned. That year there were only four contestants. I had decided to attend the pageant as a visiting queen. I wanted to let them know that I was not quitting no matter what. I also knew I had to play my cards perfectly. When I arrived I was dressed in my best suit and picked a seat in the very back. I spoke to no one and just waited. I got hungry and left to get a corn dog and lemon shake up just outside. The fair does not allow food in the building so I was on the porch with a few others because of the pouring rain. I looked up and saw the county sheriff with four of his deputies. What the fair did not know was that I expected this exact reaction. I had done nothing wrong and all they could do was tell me “what the fair board expected of my behavior.” Which is written in the fair book.

I was allowed to go back in the dance building and sit down. I put my huge crown on and watched as the first runner up from the year before was crowned queen. The first runner up and Miss congeniality were named. Unfortunately the fourth contestant who was plus size by pageant standards was left with nothing in her hands.

The very next week I submitted an editorial to the local paper expressing my concerns on the misuse of the sheriffs department. The community was outraged and questions are now being raised about the future of the county fair pageant. 

Dear Revenge GuyHi,



Dear Revenge GuyHi,

I recently found out that my husband had been having a 7 month affair with his co-worker. His mistress is a mental case that has been physically, mentally and emotionally abused in all of her past relationships, and I took full advantage of this.

After finding a phone she had given him I took the picture of her hanging out the window of his truck after one of their rolls in the hay off the phone and on to myspace. Created a space that talked as if it were her telling her story.

The myspace read as follows :
.. I dispatch truck drivers for a company in Wichita, KS. I have spent the past 7 months or so sleeping with one of the married drivers. It was nice being able to ensure he could be where I could meet him for “little visits”.

I even got him a phone on my account when his wife become suspicious and started watching his phone bills. I really enjoyed the driver’s company, but I refused to answer my phone when his wife would call me, or send me text. I am to chicken to face the wife of the man I have been sleeping with.

I am much more of a woman than she is, I must be, it takes guts to sleep with another woman’s husband then refuse to answer for my actions. Only a real woman could do that!!!!

I feel no guilt. I have to say she deserves to be cheated on. She makes his life hell. For 10 years she has been the primary bread winner for their home, paying the majority of the bills, and allowing him to use his money to enjoy himself. Yes, he does give her a little money when she ask, but how selfish of her to make him give up any of his income to pay bills with.

She also does really bothersome things like care for his mother, take off work for a week to follow his distraught mother 2000 miles across the country for his uncles funeral because his mom was in hystarics, then took care of him and his family through the funeral. If she was any kind of person at all she would have done what he did when her uncle died…..leave immediately following the funeral to meet his mistress.

And her daughter, man, this is just the worst of all as a teenager, she talks back, she is self centered and selfish. What a horrid mother would raise such a monster, and then expect a man to have to come home 6 or 8 days a month and bitch about the fact that the obnoxious daughter is not even at the house. Yep, I wonder how he has stayed with that crazy woman this long.

I then sent her an email that she should see her web page. Not knowing much about myspace the stupid woman had her son pull up the page for her. Are you kidding? She created her own worst moment when her son pulled up the page to see dear old mom in all her glory, and then read about her affair. She was balling uncontrolablly when she called my husband to whine about this, and devistated that her son had to see it. I am sorry for her son, but I could not have asked for more humiliation than she caused for herself. As for my husband, hope he is good at kissing a$$ for now, he has no a$$ to screw. Oh happy days!!!

Dear Revenge GuyHi, enjoyed visiting your site.
An oldie but a goodie was what I affecionately call the Baby Bomb.
No, dirty diapers or a mass bomb drop of screaming infants is not required. Ewwww…

Take a record album cover (sturdy cardboard courier envelopes works too).
Fill with baby powder and slide the open end under the door, making sure it’s completely under the door at least 2 inches all the way across.

Then, stamp on the album cover, releasing the powder in a nice fine mist all over everything on the other side of the door in at least an 8 foot radius. Really tough to clean up.

Only sad it doesn’t smell like butt, however guys are horrified everything they own  now smells “purty”.

Warm regards.

Dear Revenge Guy Hi Revenge Guy,

At the beginning of the school year I liked this one girl. I was a senior and she was a sophomore. However a misunderstanding caused a rift between us that couldn’t be repaired and I tried my best to make things right but she just wouldn’t listen. I later found out that she was going out with this stupid jock. At first I didn’t object that much because I thought they were gonna break up. 

They did but got back together. However he stepped over the line when he decided to kiss her in front of me. I was furious when I saw this. I later just typed “how to get revenge on someone” in google and found a website with all of these ideas for pranks. 

I later got a friend of mine to hack into the school computer system and obtain his personal information. First I called up the Mormon Church and gave his info so that he would get harassed by them. I also called up two appliance stores and an electrical company and gave them his info so he could get harassed by them. I then put his E-mail address on a ton of spam lists and mailing lists and I also signed up for several dozen magazines as well. Well almost two weeks after I did this, he broke up with her. 

Although I did get caught for this (I used my own cellphone and didn’t disguise my voice) I was able to get off easy with a one day suspension (which is basically a free day off hehe) and some “restorative justice”(whatever the hell that means). 

Even though that suspension goes on my record it was well worth the pain and misery that I caused him and his family.

Dear Revenge Guy Hi,

I got revenge on my ex in the best way possible–by humiliating him physically, I destroyed him psychologically.

My ex should have known how good he had it. I’m 24, blond, 5’9″ tall and about 125 lbs. I’m very pretty and I get a LOT of attention from guys, but I was always loyal to my BF. We had been dating about a year when he decided he wanted to learn a martial art and take judo classes. We had been talking about doing more things together since we had different work schedules and didn;t see each other as much as we wanted to.

I thought judo would be great for me, too. I’ve never been especially athletic and it wouldn’t hurt to know how to defend myself, plus it’s something we could do together, so i said I would take classes with him, thinking he’d be all for it (I also said it would be fun & sexy to “spar” together outside of class). But he was less than thrilled. He said “you’ll just hurt yourself; you’re too skinny; I don’t want you grappling around w/other guys in class…)…all these excuses he could think of to get me NOT to take the classes with him. But the more he protested the more I wanted to do it. I resented his classifying me as “weak and fragile.”

Yes, i’m a “girly-girl” in that I like to wear my hair long and like nice clothes & shopping, etc. But even though i’m not a traditional “jock” I do work hard to keep my figure…I’ve always gone to the gym to lift light weights and keep myself toned and I run at least 3 miles almost every day so I’m well-conditioned. So i said “well, it’s not your decision…i’m going to take the classes and i’m sure i’ll be sparring w/other girls so don’t worry about the guy thing.” He said “fine, whatever…you won;t last past the first hard work out anyway.”

This was around the time things started to go bad for us.

He avoided talking to me in class, and would almost pretend like he didn’t know me. It turns out there were only 3 other girls in the class, and about 10 guys, so i did have to work on moves and techniques w/some other guys in workouts but it was no big deal. Everyone did it and accepted it. But my BF was becoming increasingly distant and seemed resentful that i was taking the classes.

After a few weeks in I also started to realize that I had a knack for judo. Our sensei was continually complimenting me on my technique and I learned a lot of the throws quickly. By contrast he often had to correct my BF for sloppy technique and admonished him not to “rush everything”, as he seemed to have little patience for learning the intricacies of the moves and throws.

He also had trouble getting through the workouts, which were pretty brutal. We did a lot of running and push-ups and an especially gruelling bit where we had to lie on our stomachs and drag ourselves across the full length of the mat using only our fore-arms–no legs allowed, and by the time we got to the end we were all gasping for air. But my jogging had me well-conditioned and even though it took me a long time to get across the mat, I noticed there were a number of times when my BF couldn’t even make it across. He had to stop halfway, and as punishment he had to run extra laps, which often ended w/him walking and holding his sides in obvious pain. He, of course, knew I had made it across the mat, and it infuriated him. After class he was always angry and sullen and would lash out at me at even the slightest thing I said. I never said anything mean or mentioned the mat exercise, but even something like “want to grab a pizza?” would be met w/a cutting remark or a sullen “No, i’m tired. I’m going home.” (We lived in separate apartments at the time).

So even though we were taking judo together once a week we started seeing even less of each other. When we first started we would almost always go to one of our places together after and spend the night, but then that ended. He would always drop me off at my place and drive off. The other nights of the week, too, he would always be out if I called, and when I’d ask him the next day where he’d been he’d say “are you checking up on me? don’t be such a clingy bitch” and a few times he was so mean I was brought to tears. I just couldn’t understand why he was being so cruel to me.

Then it became obvious when a friend of mine told me she had seen him out at a bar making out with some girl, and leaving with her shortly after. At first I was devastated and didn’t know what to do. I cried a lot before finally confronting him and he just denied it, but his behavior didn’t change, and eventually i found a bra in his apartment and then he confessed.

Turns out he’d been sleeping with this girl for weeks while we were going out. A number of times he even went right to her place after dropping me off after judo class. When I asked him why, he said I had it coming because I was “crowding him” by taking judo with him when it was “his thing” and that the girl he was screwing understands that it’s not feminine to do things like martial arts and I should have listened to him when he told me not to take the classes. He said it was my own fault, and he said I should drop the classes now that we would be breaking up because it would be too “awkward” to see each other once a week there.

I was too stunned to say anything at the time and just ran out, crying. The days leading up to the next class were excrutiating. I did think about quitting and just forgetting the whole thing but then I got angry and realized if anyone should quit, it should be him! I resolved to show up and stick with it whether he liked it or not.

The next class he looked surprised–and not very happy–to see me, but said nothing. The next day he called me and said “what do you think you’re doing? If I were you I’d drop out out of the class like I said.” I told him I had no intention of doing so, and added, with some satisfaction “If I were you, I’d work on my conditioning so I could get all the way across the mat for once”, and hung up.

So now there was clearly a LOT of tension between us. We’d show up at class and say not a word to each other, but every now and then I’d see him looking over my way, looking really angry that I was there. The other judo players knew we’d been going out and now were quits so there was this weird vibe hanging there.

Then his new girl friend started showing up near the end of classes. She was a little pixie of a thing…pretty enough, but the kind of giggly little air head he clearly wanted ME to be. He would make a display of coming over after workouts were done, and lifting her over his shoulder and spinning her around and she would scream and laugh and be like “you’re so strong!” and the rest of us would just roll our eyes but say nothing. At any rate, he was obviously trying to get under my skin, and I resolved to bide my time because I had an idea, and with a little help from my sensei, I knew it would be the best revenge.

We were nearing the end of our session of classes and we were having an in-class tournament before taking our tests to earn the next belt level. There were 4 of us girls and we were to face each other and the boys would take on each other–with various belt levels matched up (newbies like us would fight each other; the more advanced yellow & green belts would fight each other, etc.), but a week or so earlier one of the girls had injured herlself in class and wouldn’t be able to compete.

So now there was an uneven number of girls, and the plan was to have the 3 of us compete round-robin, but I went to the sensei after class and said “I would like the opportunity to enter the boys’ tournament. There are an uneven number of white belts on the guys’ side so i could even that out, and I think I can compete. Karen and Suzie (the other 2 girls) are OK with that and are happy to fight each other…and they also think I can do it.”

My sensei was a great guy. He never said much but he was very supportive of me, and he knew what i was getting at w/out me having to say it. He just smiled and said “You really think you can do this?” And I said “Yes.” And he said “I think you can, too.” There were only 3 boys that were white belts, including my ex, and I had no doubt which one I would be assigned to fight.

The day of the tournament the higher belts went first and we all watched, cheering and applauding at the well-executed throws and pins. My ex had no idea what was about to happen because as far as he knew the girls would all be fighting each other, so when the sensei called “Michael” and then “Sarah”, I relished the sight of his utter surprise. Then he looked mad and said “what? why am I fighting HER?” and sensei just said “Sarah is a white belt, as are you. She is competing in that capacity, nothing more. If you refuse to fight you will lose by forfeit.”

Everyone was watching, and he couldn’t back down. I just stood there, pulling my long hair back into a ponytail to get ready, enjoying his discomfort. He shot me a look that was pure fury, and I tried hard not to let it get to me.

The reality was we were the same height at 5’9″, but while I was 125 lbs., he was probably about 160 or 170, a significant weight advantage. And i knew he was stronger. I would have to rely on my technique, quickness, smarts, and especially my stamina. I knew I was a better conditioned athlete than him, and if I could make the match long enough to tire him out and neutralize his strength advantage, I knew I could take him.

The match began, and the whole class was clearly in my corner. I heard a lot of encouragement…’C’mon, Sarah”, “You can do it”, and the like. I was the underdog, after all, but they also knew what a bastard he’d been to me, and they also didn’t appreciate his showing off in front of his stupid little girlfriend.

We circled each other slowly, no one making a move at first. Then he moved in, trying to get the first grip on my unform (gi), but i was able to bat his hand away and grab the left fold of his gi first, and I set my feet. He immediately tried to push against me but he didn’t have a good grip and I let my upper body go a little slack to bring his momentum forward. He thought he was pushing me over but i was setting him up.

As his left leg came forward I twisted my hips, kept my left leg firmly planted and whipped my right leg behind his left one, just behind the knee, and drew it back sharply while keeping hold of his gi and letting his weight come forward. I felt his leg lift away and I pushed hard on his shoulder where I held his gi and then let go, and he went down hard on his back.

I heard a cheer go up from the others…someone said “Wow!” and sensei yelled “point!” and pointed to me. Even though I could have followed the throw and tried to pin him, I knew it would have been a mistake. If i got into a floor fight with him this early in the match he’d probably just roll his weight on top of me and I’d be in real trouble. So I backed off and waited for him to get up, which was pretty sweet because I got to see how red his face was and how frustrated he looked already!

He came at me really hard after that, his anger at being thrown by a girl driving him. This was good news/bad news for me. Good news because he was being stupid, charging ahead trying to beat me with brute force rather than executing proper moves; bad because i had to try and hold off a stronger opponent.

I dipped and moved side to side as much as possible, keeping my feet moving and just trying to keep him from getting a hold of my gi. He was basically chasing me around the mat trying to get a hold, and that was great because it was draining him, but sensei said I would be penalized a point if I didn’t engage–I had to stop running and fight.

So I held my ground and tried my best not to let him overpower me. Luckily i had led him on enough of a chase that, combined with the throw and effort it took him to get back to his feet, he was definitely more winded than when we started, and I could hear his breathing getting more and more labored. I could also tell he didn’t have as much arm strength. We had a grip on each others’ gi and he was trying to force me to the mat by pushing around my shoulders. This was knocking me off balance a little and I couldn’t get set for a leg sweep, but he was just trying to push me over, without using his own legs for a sweep (this is where his sloppy technique hurt him; he always short-cut around learning the moves properly, opting for a more brute wrestling style, and he would pay for it now).

He continued to do this kind of push-and-lift around my shoulders, and because we were deeper into the match now he didn’t have the full strength to knock me over this way. I just kept stepping backward each time he pushed and re-setting my feet, and then he went for a full-on massive push, clearly frustrated that he hadn’t knocked me over yet.

He lifted as hard as he could and let out a massive grunt doing so and I felt myself being lifted off the mat. He then went to throw me and just in time I got my left leg down, trying to brace it as hard as I could while absorbing the push downward. My right leg was still in the air so I was holding for dear life like a flamingo hoping he wouldn’t try to take out my standing leg but then I felt his push weaken and his grip on my gi loosened as he exhaled from the effort. I got my right foot back down and was still standing, while he was trying to recover and hold my gi all the while.

I knew I had an instant to act but this was the time. I brought my left hand under and up and grabbed hold of his wrist where he had my gi and pressured it just enough to get him to let go. Then in one fluid motion I backed my body away and brought my right hand over to also grab his wrist and I twisted my whole body as hard and fast as I could while keeping a tight hold on his wrist. He knew what I was trying to do and tried to grab hold of my arm before I could complete the move but he was too slow and his body went sideways as he tried to keep his balance. I was hoping to follow all the way through and lift him off his feet with the wrist throw, but he kept his footing–just barely. But he was bent backwards like someone trying to get under a limbo bar and I moved in, kicked out his left foot and–wham!–he was down again.

Another big yell went up and sensei yelled “point!’ again, but I was still reluctant to get on the mat with him. I deciced to watch instead and see how quickly he was able to get up.

That’s when i knew I really had him. He was breathing heavily and crawled to all fours before trying to get back up. I kept my distance and waited til he was halfway up, letting him think he had time to recover. But just before he got completely to his feet I moved in as fast as I could and when he was up, i immediately grabbed his gi, notched my leg behind his knee and drew back fast and hard, pushing down with my arms as hard as I could.

He never had a chance. And this time I kept my own body going forward and as I slammed him down on the mat I fell on top of him and immediately moved for a pin. First i locked my leg on top of his so he couldn’t push off with it, and then went to work on his shoulders, putting as much of my upper body weight as was there onto his upper torso, with a tight lock grip around one arm, and I just held on as tight as I could.

There was an unbelievable yelling and cheering from the rest of the class…I could hear “Stay on him, Sarah!”, and “Don’t let up, Sarah!” and the other girls were the loudest of all!

Meanwhile, the ex was making these desperate grunting noises, straining and trying in vain to get out of the pin, but he had nothing left–at this point I was basically stronger than he was, and his pathetic attempts to move me off him resulted in nothing more than him moving us a slight inch to the right or left. It was a good 45 seconds of this and if he had any brains at all he would have tapped out to end the match, but he kept trying, unable to admit defeat to a girl.

The shouting from the sidelines continued and since I already had my head up around his, I said softly into his ear “I warned you to work on your conditioning”, which resulted in a kind of combination whining/grunting as he tried to release whatever strength he had left in outrage, but it was so over.

The sensei called the match for time and I quickly got off him. Everyone was standing and clapping and I soaked it all in. My ex lay on the mat on his back, his chest heaving for air. As he started to sit up, I went for the full effect of humiliation. I made a big display of undoing my ponytail and shaking out my long hair. Then I bent forward and flipped it back, a la “Charlie’s Angels” and gathered it up again, and re-tied it.

When my ex got to his feet he was unsteady, sweating heavily through his gi, and his face was beet red. His eyes looked wild and I think he was just about on the verge of tears.

But just when I thought my revenge couldn’t get any better, it did. He started to skulk away, and the sensei angrily called him back to the mat. “Show respect to the opponent who defeated you!”, he yelled, reminding my ex that he was required to bow following the match. (As was I).

He couldn’t look me in the eye as we stood in front of each other, but I think he caught a glimpse of my smile as I bowed. He bent down and started to walk off the mat, and then–oh, how i LOVE this moment, an even more delicious scene–his little pixie girlfriend, it turns out, had been watching the whole time! And she had this look of utter horror on her face!!

She had just watched her “big, strong boyfriend” get his ass kicked by a pretty blond girl, his ex-girlfriend at that. She didn’t go over to comfort him….in fact she looked like she wanted nothing to do with him at all. She just stared at her feet as he walked by her and went off to the showers.

Meanwhile, I received congratulations from the class and sensei, who gave me a little wink, as I silently mouthed “thank you”.

My ex never returned to class, never took his belt test. A few months later I heard from a friend that his girlfriend had broken up with him (not a very sympathetic little pixie, I guess), and I like to think it had something to do with that day when I took revenge on my cheating , sexist, ex-boyfriend, on the judo mat.

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