Too Nice for My Own Good
I just found your website, and found it to be highly amusing, and highly educational. But I have a nasty streak that comes out when I am wronged. Let me give you a couple of examples.
Years ago, I worked for a company as a driver. The boss, and Iranian, cheated me out of about 6 hours pay on 3 consecutive paychecks, so I decided to quit and get even in the process. Before I quit, I had to go to another city about 300 miles away, on personal business. While I was there, I stopped by a chemical supply house, and bought a gallon of undiluted methyl mercaptan, which is put into natural gas lines so that leaks can be detected.
On my last day, after I picked up what was to be my last paycheck, (cheated again!), I took the methyl mercaptan out of my car, and poured the whole gallon all over the garage floor, and left the empty jug inside the garage.. Then I went across the street to the fancy hotel and called the fire department to report a “major gas leak”. Naturally, the FD responded with everything from 3 stations, and began to search for the “leak”. They evacuated every business for 4 city blocks in all directions, including the nice, new fancy hotel.
The firefighters discovered where the stench was coming from, and the empty jug, while looking in the garage.
The city fined him $15,000, and several of the businesses sued him, too, for lost income.
He knew it was me, because I left the jug right next to the door of the car that I used. He even tried to blame me, but I denied everything, and told the police and fire officials that the guy had been cheating me, and that I had quit because of it, and he just wanted a scapegoat. They didn’t buy his denials.
What with the fine, the loss of his business license, and the multiple lawsuits, he was forced out of business.
I saw him about a year later, selling hot dogs from a cart on a downtown corner, and made sure to wave at him as I went by.
I have a neighbor, a real jerk, who drive a POS old Nissan with a loud, :beer-barrel” muffler, and a stereo system that is worth 5 times what the car is worth. He always comes in from clubbing at 2:30am with the stereo blasted right along with the loud muffler. And he treats that POS like it’s a Ferrari. Anyone goes near it, and he becomes completely hysterical, screaming and hollering.
Two months ago, I went for a walk with my wife, and as we passed by the end of his driveway, walking in the street, about 10 feet from his car, he comes out of the house with a baseball bat in hand, threatening to hurt us because we were “too close” to his car. He knows that I have a concealed carry permit, and I told him that he would be wise to go back into his house before we found out which of us had the more effective weapon. He did, and we went on our way. By the time we got back to our house, the police were there, and he was claiming that I drew my pistol, and said that I was going to kill him. That would have been a neat trick, since I didn’t have it on me at the time, and several neighbors told the cops that he was lying. They didn’t arrest him for making a false report, because he hadn’t signed it. Dammit!
Anyway, for the next few days he started acting more and more irrational, not just towards me and my wife, but to most of the other neighbors, too.
So, I decided to do something about him, and his damned loud car.
One night about 3-4 weeks after this, his garage door broke, and wouldn’t open, forcing him to leave his car in the driveway all night. In a stroke of inspiration, I hopped into my car, went down to the all-night car parts store, and bought a bunch of mag wheel weights.
These are the kind with the peel-and-stick tape to attach them to mags without damaging the wheels.
I snuck over and put about four ounces of weights on the inside of both of the front rims.
The next morning, when I heard him start up to go someplace, I went out and sat down on the front porch to watch the fun. When he got up to about 20mph, you could actually see the front wheels bounce, shimmy, and shake. He slammed on the brakes, got out, looked at the car, got back in, and took off again. A couple of minutes later, he comes creeping back home at about 15mph, with his stereo off! I guess he wanted to see if he could figure out what was wrong by listening.
A little while later, a wrecker shows up, and hauls his car off to the repair shop. Late Friday afternoon, he comes driving home. At about 15mph. The shop had completely rebuilt the front end, but never checked the tires. He was livid! And since he ran over a curb on the way home, the shop voided the warrantee for the repair work!
A tire shop finally figured out what happened, removed the weights, and he was driving again. I think that he suspects it was me that did it but has no proof.
About a month later, I saw his car at a mall, and decided to silence his noisy muffler for him.
I parked quite a distance away, and since I had just stopped by the grocery store to pick up a few things, I happened to have some nice, big, baking potatoes with me. But I went Eddie Murphy one better. I coated the tater with fast drying epoxy resin just before I inserted it into his tail pipe.
Then I go back to my car, and drive home. Sure enough, here he comes, with his car on the back of a wrecker.
A couple of days later, he has his car back, with a nice, quiet, factory type muffler on it. And he doesn’t play his stereo so loudly in the neighborhood anymore.
In fact, he hardly opens his door anymore. He’s finally become a “good” neighbor!
I’ve done some others, and I’ll share them with you another time, but I thought that you might enjoy these little stories about revenge.